༓ 》 Mellow Scenes 《 ༓

~ "I hate the mornings after I cry. I let another day begin with swollen eyes." She smiled sadly.

I knew Sarah can't take care of our child.

''It's alright darling, we started life crying too you know?

Still, we enjoyed it at times when we forgot it's life

and remembered it's ours."

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Out of a womb delicate infant

Into your cotton-soft content

Know only the pleasure of sleeping

Yawning in your atmosphere of oneness

"No! Things didn't change Michael. You changed things!" I wailed.

He wouldn't lose a thing to make me happy but he won't dare let go of his ego

I had once come to realize

Those independent were ones fearing surrender to another

"Don't put in the full effort Sarah, leave space for him to chase you. Then girl you know he'll do you better."

Oh if only my friends understood that some thoughts and answers are for each to create, never to borrow from one another.

All it 'could have been'

are why I found it hard to let go of him

"I don't know why you stopped loving me Michael, I truly don't.

But I don't know why I loved you either, so I guess we're done."

Hello new beginnings

Stuck with a baby in the middle

Not sure how I could find a way for our baby to live well

The scent of fresh strawberries chopped in her morning dish

Years ago my little tot this is what made me live

Been searching you a caretaker for long

Darling I always wish to leave you for one who is strong

Micheal crashed my dreams for our future when he left us to fall

Now your mommy is too weak to smile at your drawings

Or play with your dolls with anything but regret

But don't you love this oatmeal I made you while you slept?

And those cartoons you're watching play you a better life than ours

But I'll think of a man to make your father before here is where my life stops

I know a child like you can't talk relief into my core

I live only to receive

Having no will to offer you more

And I've asked my glass of wine what it needs

say: express the damage done to self

and I understood how much my heart had to keep

Micheal took away my right to expressing emotions

Forcing me to forget the meaning of my own pain.

I've read thousands of books when young

Thinking I could plan my life well

Didn't consider the chance of mistakes ahead

Knowing I can never accept the idea of flaws in a fulfilling life

Chased the words of men who showed me what love has stolen from me

Till a friend told me never to force myself to love those safe just to pass time and I had to admit that I was selfish but I eagerly needed to fit myself into someone else's world

And when I'm done with this journey that drained all beauty I'd known

I'll still love the touch of your skin, my little tot

The perfect match for sweet oils.

On your tiny hands and feet, I'll rub it

How they become one is magic itself.

All the skin on your figure for a blissful purpose

Holds you gently ready to absorb affection

But mommy is not ready for you yet.

A woman with no purpose

Bring the glitter to the surface

Kill no one with the process

But her pure use of a headspace

.......

Run your hand through your hair kind of melody

A holographic taste to three a.m. remedies

Tear into the heavy floating clouds of ecstasy

Build your home in a love-immersed memory

My mother once told me:

"Never live life for others to feel safe."

She said: "It's a waste of time to help mankind hide their mistakes."

So if you flip the radiant hearts aside

Wobbly tables with sobbing children on top you'll find

But with the plenty of distractions that we can create

A joyride can still be made

I'm the kind of girl who knows what she wants only when she sees it

So I drag my eyes across scenes and I wait for the echos to come around

while time tries to rush through life's breathtaking moments

Dying to make music and let people sit in their feelings

Let it be the cooldown of a child's cry

Or one you'd sway to while eating a pie

Flip my years around

Assertive with standing my ground

Yet how much could a teenager have in her heart to wait this long?

For a day where she can celebrate a life her mother has sacrificed so much for

No one mentions the numbness after the pain

when you don't have anyone to sing about

or a memory to chase

I found blood, sweat, and tears

being the perfect outcome of everyone's sinking fears

When ocean deep never found

Creating a space in our hearts frozen and out of time.

Life tangles it's profound angles before it could be expound

This time is the ugly scratch on a polished table

I'm craving what will not get old

Seeking a connection like gold

Never rusty and too precious to be sold

So which have you got?

Let them all admit

We're living for similar outcomes

Trying to blossom before our time crumbles

My mother knows that love has broken the heart she'd took forever to sew

Yet she still chooses the red of threads

Of that, her men would beg

May my words be floating noises till you know the feeling they speak

Till your senses can translate:

The chords of an instrument, eyes of a statue, and a wolf's cry

Surrender to the sensations of the heroine put into your soul

A spirit touched by nature

Couldn't accept a life as low as her words

So I forced myself to stay in my bedroom that is a caption of the world I wish to create

A world where desire is safe and detached from labels

A world where people don't need to disown dreams they are shamed for

Maybe mother will know how to play it right then

Without any addictions or butterflies

But when it's all over

She'll realize she was never even sober

I could only assume what her tears taste like but could never understand

For we are a life long diary with hundreds of lines that tremble and shake

One after the other strengthening the storm inside

We are layers of the past

And some days don't actually pass

So she highlighted the flaws of her six year old

but not those of the pet she's bought

And I made my raven hair the ink in my pen

Writing myself a bright future hoping to sleep well.

The appetite and desire

Aren't the cause for our risks igniting into a tragic fire

But we made enemies of ourselves

Yet if we validated our unheard thoughts

If we valued our story which only we could tell

We wouldn't let strangers steal so many pages of our time

How come the strangers own the story?

And why are authors strangers to their own books now?

And I'm grateful for a father to remind me that this life is mine

I have let the loss of control make me think I'm holy

And this moment is surely where I let my old life decompose

Hearts are flammable

Told and heard differently

Misunderstood constantly

Love is right for this universe

Yet It still could be done wrong

But here's the thing

"Do you wanna free your soul tonight?"

.soul loss.