I AM ALONE...

It was time to go to sleep. Aunt Akiyama assigns me a room at the back of the mansion, she leaves me in a room, orders me to enter, and seeing Hiroki inside, I'm surprised "I'm going to share a room with him?"

- wait for me here, I'll go get some pillows - she tries to leave the room to leave us alone, I stop her.

- wait, don't tell me I have to share a room with Hiroki - this will be very uncomfortable if she says yes because we are not married and the wisest thing to do is to sleep separately.

- Of course it is, after all, you are getting married soon, so you have the whole night to be alone - he winks with a naughty look - don't be shy - he gives me a slap on the back trying to motivate me. He leaves the room leaving us alone a silence overwhelms us instantly, I look at Hiroki very embarrassed not knowing what to tell him or what to do.

-Don't worry, I'll sleep far away from you. In that corner - He points me with his eyes to the corner next to the exit door. I don't want him to keep risking his well-being, besides I've already bothered him so many times, I can't allow him to keep spoiling me like this.

- But... You won't feel cold, if you want I'll sleep in the corner, you've already had so many problems with me...

- silly -he abruptly insults me- I told you I would protect you, besides I can't let you sleep on the floor, my aunt would kill me, if it were up to me I would even let you sleep outside -he said in such an ordinary way that I change my mind and I prefer him to freeze from the cold- or.... - he pushes me to the wall softly, comes closer to me, leans his body against mine leaning one hand on the wall - are you afraid that I'll do something strange to you...? - he said with a mischievous look and putting his lips exciting, he bites one of them that made my heart burst so suddenly that it provoked a feeling of satisfaction that made me feel so guilty - I could devour you whole right here...- he lifted my chin with his fingers, he runs one of his fingers on my corners, I stand still not knowing what to do. His breath is on my face, he is so close that my heart beats so fast.

- What are you talking about? You and I are not married. We have to bond first," I say stuttering and stammering, I try to look away and see where I can escape, I'm not ready for this kind of thing yet.

- And is that a problem? - he bites his lips again so seductively, I avoid looking at his face - my brother is right... you are not that bad. - he laughs a little mocking my discomfort, I withdraw my face and close my eyes, more and more, my cheeks are burning that it seemed like I have a fever, and suddenly... I only hear laughter and his breath is no longer on my face. "It was... A joke?" I watch as he laughs at his silly game. I really thought he would do something to me. I look at him indignant and furious

-You're stupid! -I exclaim very angry for playing with me.

-You should have seen your face, do you think I would do anything with such an annoying girl? It's not like I have such bad taste," he insults. I hit him, but he just laughs more - did you really want me to do something to you? - I hit him harder, denying it completely

-You idiot! You made me spend such an uncomfortable moment, you idiot! - I exclaim very embarrassed.

I lie down on the bed with my cheeks extremely red. I cover my whole body from head to toe with the quilt. I was so furious for playing with my feelings like that and topping it off, insulting and humiliating myself. "But how stupid I am" "I should have known it was just a silly game". However, I feel a strange discomfort of feeling that it wasn't true, even though it scared me..... Why would I want to? "Naomi don't be silly, he's just a nuisance" "why are you getting so upset if nothing happened" I guess it's because I'm just a silly girl who got carried away by his imagination, "Surely silly Hiroki would be thinking that I'm just an innocent and whimsical girl who got carried away by a stupid game that fucker!". I gritted my teeth desperately, it was the great stupidity to feel angry.

After a while we tried to sleep, him in the corner as promised. I couldn't sleep; for some reason, I keep tossing and turning in bed trying to fall asleep, I had a feeling that won't let me rest; it must be that it was because of everything we had to go through, the stress, however, I doubt it's that, somehow I feel it's something else and I feel this discomfort whenever I'm around Hiroki "but what are you thinking Naomi!" "What nonsense are you thinking girl? Hiroki is a vermin, rude, haughty, no manners and very bossy" My head starts to hurt.

- You're still upset... Aren't you? -Hiroki's hoarse voice says. I thought he had already fallen asleep.

- Me? No... I'm not upset," I deny confirming my state, but I feel very confused about my feelings.

- Don't try to deny it... I know you're still upset about what Satoshi did to us... Or it's because I'm rude to you... O... It's because of the joke... O... Because of all of the above? - I don't want to answer him, I still don't know what causes this feeling, I would say it's because of Satoshi, however, although it was something so serious what he did to us, in my heart somehow it's not bothered by that, I mean at this moment I'm not feeling that hate (moreover I didn't remember); maybe I would say it's because of his grotesque behavior.... Although, the truth is I'm getting used to it; I would say it would be because of the joke, but, it's not the case to feel angry; I would choose all the previous ones, but none of them has the reason for my feeling. I keep quiet for a few seconds - you are really difficult.... -he says very disappointed, he tries to get a smile out of his comment -I can't even protect even your biggest fears... but what an idiot I am, how can I plan to protect you if I can't protect what you feel...? I guess... I'm doing my job wrong... - he says discouraged.

The morning came, the radiant sun illuminates the spaces of that room, I wake up in the warm morning, I stretch and notice that Hiroki is not there, I wonder where he could have gone.

The memory of last night sinks into my mind, it was so uncomfortable to have said all this, but I was confused when I started to cry, could it be that Hiroki saw me crying? I doubt it, but I better not trust myself, I think I'm a proud person, I really don't want him to know that I care too much.

I leave the room and notice that there is no one in the whole mansion "where is everyone?" I guess I woke up too late, the silence spreads and I notice my loneliness. I hear that from outside the mansion there is noise of people laughing and chatting, I go out to find out and at least find them.

I notice that in front of the mansion there is a bonfire in the middle of the village, where adults drink, eat, laugh and talk "what did I miss? How late did I get up?" the smell of the food was miso soup, I remember yesterday at dinner aunt Akiyama made enough food for a crowd of people and I didn't question it.

- Hello, sleeping beauty," Naoki approaches me with a bowl of miso soup.

-Hello! What are you all doing here?

-Apparently Hiroki's aunt organized all this, she says it's a tradition in the village to have breakfast with everyone in the middle of the village," she explains to me while eating the soup, she invites me to sit with the villagers for a while. Naoki gives me some of his soup and talks with me.

-NAOMI! - A loud and peculiar voice exclaims my name, I jump, it was only Aunt Akiyama - you woke up at last, you sleep so much, why do you wake up so late? I wanted to wake you up, but Hiroki didn't let me, he said: "don't even think of waking her up, let her sleep in peace" with a frown on his face, you should have seen it, it was so romantic- I smile slyly doubting that it was romantic.

-Do you know where Hiroki is? - I ask him why I can't distinguish him among so many people.

-He didn't say where he would go, it's strange, but he's like that. - he explains, pouring me more soup.

So Hiroki didn't say where he went? Now that I think about it he usually does that, he usually leaves every morning without saying anything, it seems like he's hiding something. I try not to think too much about that, I guess it's his business and I shouldn't interfere or I just exaggerate and he wants to be alone, but sometimes it does bother me that he doesn't tell us why anything can happen to him. Aunt sits next to me talking for a long time, she introduces me to many people in the village. Everyone is very nice here, this village is very close-knit.

-I was wondering if you would like to accompany me for medicinal herbs," Aunt Akiyama asks me at her request. I accept her invitation to have nothing to do and be bored as Hiroki arrives (although I wonder what I would do with him if he were here, it would be the same, I would have nothing to do).

The aunt lends me another very nice and simple kimono to collect herbs in the field and to be able to dirty it, of course without first bathing me with warm water, and the truth was a little difficult to bathe me. The aunt taught me to draw water from the river and heat it, taking it to the fire is too heavy. I don't understand why she, living in such a big house, doesn't have someone to help her, but I think it's because she is used to work... except me.... In the palace I never had to lift a finger, they always did everything for me and now that I think about it, it's too childish, since I feel like a useless person not knowing anything about work, now I feel more empathy for the people who work and try to survive.

I put on the yellow kimono with a beautiful checkered decoration, and the brown ribbon.

We arrived at the wild field covered with flowers and plants; some I recognized and others I was getting to know. Aunt Akiyama explained to me what they are and what diseases they help, for headaches, fever, cold, etc. We spent a long time together, and the truth is that distracting me helps me to forget the embarrassment I spent last night making dramas to Hiroki.

-Aunt Akiyama... I wanted to ask you a question...

- yes dear tell me -she smiles tenderly picking up the plants.

-I was wondering... About Hiroki's childhood... He is very cold and rude, has he always been like that? - the aunt stays for a moment without an apparent gesture, thinking what to say, then she lifts the corners of her lips raising a smiling grimace, looking at the ground and then she looks at me again with the same expression of nostalgia...

- He... he's had a hard life, he and his brother.... - he says this in a sigh that he wants to soothe - They are princes because Hiroki's mother married a king, she was a very common woman, like those of the village... They were born, Hiroki was 6 years old and his brother was only 3. When her father died, Kaori had to marry a duke in order to make the Momoyama kingdom grow... But she was not happy, so she left the castle and came to the village on the sly.... During the time they were here Hiroki had a friend.... She was a very pretty girl... Kyoto... Hiroki played with her a lot, but 5 years ago she left because she was forced to marry a landowner and Hiroki had a grudge.... I think he still loves her... And then they found him as the successor of the kingdom and took him to the castle to get Momoyama back.... - What a sad story, Hiroki did have a very difficult life.

Every time I meet him more and more I feel that empathy and tenderness and when I see him... I.... Confused, he is a rude and not very talkative, but he is the most tender person I have ever met, he is very attentive in spite of his pride, that makes me feel a little strange.

After the talk with Aunt Akiyama, we continue with our work for a couple of hours, we also pick fruit for lunch and dinner tonight.

We return to the village very carefree and laughing, then I notice that in the middle of it there were some men in uniform coming from the castle.... I stand still not knowing what to do, with fear taking over me, I can only think that they found us and that this would be our end.... "What do I do?" ... I think carefully looking at the ground covering my face discreetly so that I would not be recognized, Aunt Akiyama covers my body, but she doesn't know what to do either. Suddenly someone grabs me from the back covering my mouth and grabbing my waist "What?! Who is it?", I was scared for a moment and that person took me to the aunt's mansion from the back, closed the doors as quietly as possible and said....

-shh... Don't make noise- pronounces Hiroki's voice gently so as not to make a scandalous noise, feeling his breath so quiet, he uncovers my mouth....