I WANT TO PROTECT YOU

- Attention! - said one of the generals- Prince Satoshi proclaims that, if you find Princess Naomi, she is requested to the castle; the king wishes to see her, and if you find two young men, a man with bright red hair and a uniformed general; please denounce, they kidnapped the princess! - he warned. I open my eyes in surprise listening behind the door. "But what a lie...", I am so terrified, my heart in my mouth about to faint right here. I know more than anyone that Satoshi was lying, that he was the real traitor what angers me the most is that now because of him Hiroki is in great danger, I'm not so worried about Naoki, he can go unnoticed wearing another clothes.... but Hiroki... I can't let Satoshi take away the person who has helped me.

The commanders left instantly after his request while we were locked in the mansion. I hold a hand to my chest in shock, terrified; I want to vomit from fear. Tears well up around my cheeks and reach the corner of my lips. I lean more against Hiroki's lap as he continued to stroke my hair gently while whispering "calm down". His warmth makes me feel more comforting, but it hurts, I'm so scared that something might happen to him that I can't forgive myself for not doing anything to help him, it hurts that I can't do something for him.

Aunt Akiyama also comes to console me, telling me that everything is going to be fine and that I shouldn't worry.

-Calm down... Everyone here knows Hiroki, they won't do anything to betray them - she tries to calm me down, but even so I can't help thinking that Hiroki can be found, moreover I don't understand how they found this village.

The hours passed since the scare, things calmed down a little; we didn't pronounce what happened since then, but still I can't help feeling worried, scared; I feel a lump in my throat that doesn't let me breathe calmly... I look at my plate of food breathlessly, not wanting to eat, I play a little with it with the chopsticks without tasting a single bite.

-My dear... You have to eat something," said Aunt Akiyama concerned about my condition. I draw a sly smile, I don't want to keep worrying them, but what can I do if I don't feel like eating?

- Thanks for the food... But for now... I'm not hungry... - I get up from the table, bowing out of respect. Hiroki suddenly grabs my wrist roughly and leads me to our room. He closes the doors, I see on his face a somewhat furious expression.

- What's wrong with you? - Naomi, I know this affects you, but you have to learn to be strong or you will end up killing yourself - I frown in confusion.

-Can't I be scared? - I questioned.

-So you'll let me kill you alone? I can't let anything happen to you. You're jeopardizing my promise! - He scolds me so abruptly, but I don't want him to follow that promise.

- I know... But understand me, I can't let them pay for my fault! I can't let... lose you too...- I tell him saddened, I lower my eyes very embarrassed, he is silent for a moment not knowing what to tell me.

- In that case, think about how to be strong, life is not easy... Naomi... - it's the first time he calls me by my name... She leaves the room leaving me with a lot to think about. She won't forgive me if Hiroki dies because of me....

My world collapses; I don't know what to do with myself, every day that passes I'm more confused, the only thing I can think of was to prevent Hiroki from dying to protect me, I can't let the people who helped me the most suffer because of me, I have to also have the role to protect them. But it frustrates me that he can't understand me that I'm panicking about losing him and how the hell is he going to understand me if he doesn't know that I'm feeling this for him? Or well... I think he does, but he doesn't want to let me help him, he knows I'm a very stubborn woman.

As the days go by I feel a little better, already being able to eat so I don't worry anyone, but I stay distracted and too quiet. I help Aunt Akiyama to clear the table, I look down and think.

- Darling, are you all right? - Auntie asks. I was so distracted that I barely looked at her, I nod to her to disguise and keep all this to myself -my girl.... You look pale, you don't even eat well, is it because of what happened with your cousin? - I couldn't answer her, I just nodded saddened, she approaches me leaving the dishes on the table, she takes my hands very affectionately, I look up very sad.

- I don't know what to do... I can't let you guys suffer... Satoshi is a horrible person and Hiroki doesn't want to understand me. - I said with a trembling voice. Aunt Akiyama holds my face with her two hands and smiles.

- If you want to protect them... then show that you are able to protect yourself and remember why you do it- She says this taking my plates in her gentle tone. I nod a couple of times reflecting that I can't just leave them alone, I'm really tired of being the damsel in distress.

I have to protect them, but how, I'm not strong, I don't know how to use bow or sword. I have a decision to make, but I hesitate to know if it was the right way to go, if I can really be as strong as they want me to be. What I would do for my people and for my friends; defeat Satoshi to regain the empire he got through lies and betrayal, killing my father....

I stand in the meadow pondering some more choosing what my heart desires to do, with my knees to my chest looking at how peaceful this village is and feeling the guilt, if something happens to them... that they will possibly end up killing these people... and I can't allow it.

Hiroki's brother comes up to me and sees that I'm alone, I try to ignore him, but then he sits down next to me. I wonder what he and Hiroki look like?

-What a beautiful view! - he says leaning with his hands behind and breathing the deep air, I look at him attentively wondering if I can feel that same freedom - do you like it? - I remain silent not knowing what to answer him or what to tell him - you are very shy. I don't like girls like that - he says jokingly trying to cheer me up. I smile at him gently for wanting to join me even though we don't usually talk to each other - If Hiroki finds out that I like you, he'll surely break my face - he laughs teasingly... I don't know why Hiroki should care, Hiroki's brother just seems nice to me, that's all. I play along laughing too.

-Hiroki? Jealous? - I ask him.

-How wonderful! You can talk - he laughs - well... I think he likes you deep down - he winks at me playfully.

-You're playing! - I return the gesture

-No, I'm serious, it doesn't seem like it, but the truth is that I've never seen Hiroki worried about someone... so much so... not even with Kyoto, Kyoto defended him, but Hiroki? let's say he was a bit clumsy

-Hiroki is in love with Kyoto... - I let him out without dissimulation, the truth makes me sad because in reality he protects me because he couldn't protect her, I know that in his look is her name and I can't do anything about it.

-Well... the truth I don't believe it... in his eyes I don't see the same... I know him... he doesn't need words to express himself - he confesses this looking at me, telling me this makes me feel a very strange happiness that I can't describe.

-Can I ask you something? - he nods.

-What happened in the Momoyama war...? - I ask him curious because I can't understand why nobody knows that city, he remains silent for a few moments remembering, but not knowing what to tell me -I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have...

-That happened... When I was only 3 years old... I don't remember much, but for Hiroki it was something that also marked him, it turns out that the city of Kyra wanted our goods... we had a conflict with part of that city, we were prosperous... my father Takuya... went to war, and when he was killed in that combat, Kyra dominated Momoyama, we lost that war... The capital found out and helped us to Momoyama, but it was too late, the king proclaimed that Kyra will not have any more alliances and they tried to help us, but they forgot about him. My mother came here to take care of us because she had to marry a very bad duke, through lies she got our throne, they could not have more descendants and that duke died, they found Hiroki to recover the kingdom of Momoyama for being the legitimate son - he tells me all this looking at the sky already at sunset, then he returns my look with a smile full of melancholy - Hiroki.... let's say he is a proud fool, but he is the most loyal - he says this without looking away each time the sun hiding between the mountains and seeing some stars.

Now I can understand a little more, and I can understand Hiroki's position in wanting to protect me, it's not because of Kyoto... maybe, although in reality he feels that way because I'm not sure, he is just very difficult to understand, you can see it in his face, but it's also because of his father... who had no choice but to help his people too and I think we both want the same thing.

I am between a rock and a hard place not knowing what to do, except to make my quick decision, to choose how I can help them, time is very fast and Satoshi may find us sooner or later. I know what I should do, thanks to Kimura, to tell me Hiroki's story a little more and about his life, understanding him, I have a feeling in my heart, a desire to protect him too no matter the consequences.

I am left pondering alone in my room, thinking about Hiroki, more and more, about his gentleness and tenderness that makes me more and more confused. I have a very strange feeling in my chest that oppresses me "why... my chest hurts?", I hold my chest with both hands feeling a ball of wires in it. I must be brave and tell him right now. I get up from the floor ready to face what I must do and pay for everything they have done to me.

I leave the house and head to the forest, where Hiroki and Naoki were talking, it's freezing cold tonight, that doesn't stop me from following my heart. I get closer and closer to them, I see them in between the trees leaning with their arms crossed, when I see Hiroki I feel a burning that so deep in all my body and my heart accelerating. When I go to see them, they realize that I am there, they are silent perplexed with a frown, it seems that I interrupted a very important talk, but if I don't tell them this now... I won't do it later.

- Please... You have to listen to me... - I told them as an order. Attentive and immobilized, they look at me worriedly- I want to protect you... - I let them go... they remain silent where they let me continue - I want to protect you, I want to risk myself to save my village and defeat Satoshi... It's my people and I ask you to teach me to be strong; to carry weapons with my consent to defend them....

I need your support and I don't want to continue being the useless one that doesn't contribute to anything and only risk her life... I'm tired of not doing something about it - They looked at each other very tense, not knowing what to answer me.

- Princess... I can't let you do this. My consent and order is to protect you! - Hiroki said denying my request.

- I refuse to let you continue to carry out that order! Hiroki... My father is already dead, it is not necessary for you to continue with your duty now the duty is mine; besides I am still the princess and I can order you to leave your work..... - I reprimand him giving him my order - What's more! I can even release you from our engagement.... I already told you if you want to protect someone who is someone you really love or feel affection ... I am not that woman, but as a princess my duty is to protect you! - Hiroki freezes at his post, he knows I'm right, in my eyes is that in my heart if it is to help him and not let Satoshi murder him. Naoki is shocked; none of them agreed with what I wanted to do for them.

- princess... You don't have to do this...

- I will Naoki, I will also protect you- I look at him determined, although it scares me, as a future queen I must keep my promises. On the day my father died, that day, when they saved me, I have promised now to return the favor - and well? - I turn to Hiroki so opposite, that his gaze I can notice it change to a pleased already grateful one, even if he doesn't want to do this.

- As her protector I would tell him not to do it, but if protecting her also means protecting her wishes, count on it- he smiles very proud- but he has to prepare himself.... You have to realize that it's not easy and that we are going to work hard... and at your pace... it will be very hard... - I smile enthusiastically; I throw myself to hug him very tightly. He accepts my embrace, patting me on the head - let me go - he says with a chuckle

- So... When do we start?

- Tomorrow morning, be prepared for what's coming - I feel anxious; finally I will have the chance to do something good. My whole life has been spent worrying about myself, not caring about the world around me, but I realized that not only I exist in this world, I also have to play the role of protecting the ones I love the most. I would no longer be the typical capricious princess, who only cries for not having what she wants instead of valuing what she has and getting what she needs.