Chapter 2

To know good, we must have had the taste of bad

To appreciate the beauty, one must have had seen the ugly

To know Oneself, One must know the ego that is taught by the world, the ego who seeks validation, the ego that is hurt and wounded but would do anything to hide it.

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A yellow sunny dress, and flats with big sunflowers on the stripes, I stepped out of the house behind Rou.

At first he said I didn't have to know about the past but when I insisted to know who I was and the kind of life I lived and most importantly my love for him, he agreed to help me remember.

He was taking me to the first place where he saw me. I didn't know where that place was or how it looked but when he talked about the place there was a shine in his eyes that said he cherished that place.

After an hour long drive we were in the garden, the garden was in the middle of nowhere, yet so beautiful, with the nature embracing each and every part of it. The benches too, had vines growing, holding them in place, as if a lover, scared to blink their eyes in fear of losing the other.

Without my knowledge he had brought many things, making this walk down memory lane a picnic trip. He got a mat out of the trunk and laid it smooth on the green grass field. The sun was beautiful, with white clouds bathing in its light, and cool breezes whispering beautiful tales of love.

As he was busy taking out other things, I was struggling on my own. Wanting to unravel all the mysteries but everytime I did try, I was met with disappointment. Rou, introduced himself as my husband but rather than the bright happiness, the glow of sadness was more visible on his well sculpted features.

Who was he? Was he really my husband?

Who was I? Did I really, truly love him?

Well, until now I couldn't find one single thing to why I of the past wouldn't have loved him. So, I assumed that Me of the before accident might have loved him.

He was wearing a blue shirt with sunflower prints, his eyes seemed like locked locks, whose keyes were missing. When He reached me, who was now sitting on the mat admiring the beauty surrounding us, he gave me a pretty smile and sat besides me.

Basking in the sunlight, we both didn't speak a word and it was getting weirdly quiet, I couldn't speak a word because I had no memory of him and he though the only person introduced to me as one of the closest, was still a stranger whom I had just met.

"You were sitting on that bench over there..."

He spoke, pointing at a bench in the distance and when I turned to look at him, he had a subtle smile on his lips, remembering a indeed sweet memory.

"That day, you were wearing pink, simply dressed, little blushed cheeks and wet eyes....

I was watching you from a distance and you felt mesmerizing to me and I couldn't take my eyes off of you.... My legs moved on their own and I was near you... standing right in front of you.... I offered you a tissue.... " at this he giggled a bit before continuing

"..... and you were shocked and looked up at me with wide eyes...."

I was looking at him intently, trying to look for something to stir me up in his emotions and drown me in the river of knowing of the past but still the water was just sand, which I couldn't hold, kept slipping out of my fists.

"Lili, You were the most beautiful being, I had seen until that day. For many days all I could think of was you and you alone."

It seemed like remembering the past was hard for him, but why? Were we not happy together? Was he not happy with me?

He suddenly looked at me and I was lost, still looking at him and as though something happened in that moment. Before I could think or make sense of anything, I felt his lips on mine, I couldn't move, I didn't know how to, he kissed me and I didn't. He stopped and moved back, saddened. I wasn't sure of why he was sad, was it because I didn't kiss him back or was it because he thought he shouldn't have kissed me in the first place?

If it was the first I could understand why he might've felt that way but if it was the later then there was a lot hidden from me which he was hiding from me. But why might it be the later?

Did I wanna know what he was hiding? But I didn't even know the beginning of me, Was there even one though?

He didn't say much and this time I spoke first

"I was your wife.... so.... it's okay for you to kiss me. I'm sorry I didn't kiss you back, you see...."

"No.... I know why you couldn't kiss back, for you I'm a stranger, maybe for me you are too..."

"What do you mean? How....? How am I stranger for you?"

He smiled, it felt genuine but the hurt that he was trying to cover up was just so visible behind it. He started getting up and gave me his hand to hold to get up. And spoke again...

"Well you are not the past self of yours, and you don't even know yourself, so you are like someone new whom I'm yet to know."

"Can we start over? I wanna start over."

When I said this, his face for a second lost its smile but he regained that smile and replied with a 'yes'.

"We can do that, Are you sure you would like to know me all over again?"

"Do you still love..."

We were interrupted when his phone rang and he picked it up saying a quiet sorry.

I didn't know how it would go, I didn't know if he still loved me or not. If he did then I'm sure we could do this together but if he didn't then I had no idea what I was going to do.

But after meeting him, this was the first time when my heart skipped a beat when he turned to look at me and this time, he genuinely smiled with no hurt behind. But was he smiling at me or was it for the person on the phone?

Wheather it was for me or for the other person, I knew my heart was feeling this for the first time. The first time ever since I was born.....