Chapter 5

We had slept while talking.

In the morning, I was the first who had opened her eyes. When I did and tried to adjust the focus, his face was facing me and I could take my time making out details of his face.

There was something off about him from the beginning but last night he didn't feel so distant, last night he felt like he loved me. But it felt like he was loving me for the first time, same for me, it felt like I was in love for the first time.

I still had some doubts but I was in love for the first time and this simple fact was overshadowing all the other unnecessary feelings.

He was breathing softly, so calmly sleeping and I couldn't help myself when I saw his disheveled hair, my fingers went straight to touch his hair. I tugged his hair away to have a good look at his face. Something was there, something felt like he was so much more to me than I was taking him to be.

He moved and started to get out of his sleep. He slowly opened his eyes and I saw the emotion he maybe did not want me to see, I saw shock, not the big tremendous shock but an emotion that could've been missed if my eyes hadn't caught them on time. My heart sunk in the depths of despair but I just didn't want him to catch up to me so I got it together.

He smiled, if it were fake then he really was good at it, cause It looked convincing. Now, why would my husband be unhappy or shocked to see me, his wife, in bed next to him?

Maybe I was overthinking? Maybe I wasn't.

The things seemed different today, he looked happy for most of the time that day. I was getting back on my work. I was meeting some of my friends today and this was new and I was nervous. I had no clue how it would go but since we were old friends, I thought it would be fine.

We both got ready, he left me at the cafe we had planned to meet. Before taking off for his office he kissed me goodbye and with a smile on his face drove off onto the road.

-----------------------------------------

The cafe was a nice quiet place, but as soon as I took two steps in, My heart started to go haywire. I didn't know why it was happening? Or if it was some medical condition or side effect of the accident. After talking like a crazy woman to my heart and making it understand that there was no need to be so jumpy, I couldn't get it to beat on a normal rhythm.

Acting as if nothing was wrong, I looked around to look for my friends but I had never seen them. And for the first time in almost a month I was having the thought of never having seen a picture of me before the accident or a picture to remember anything of the past.

Just when I was standing all confused there, I bumped into someone. When I looked up at him I felt like I knew him, he looked familiar, my heart finally lost all its cool. I couldn't breath at all. He caught me when I was about to faint and gently took me to an empty seat away from crowd. He did speak but I wasn't able to comprehend what he was saying.

He got me some water and stayed there. When I got back to my senses I realized I was holding his arm really tightly. I abruptly let go and looked at him again, He was confused, I didn't know why.

He asked if I was fine and I replied a shy okay and looked down. I was feeling something, something that was way bizarre than last night or the feeling that I had called love some hours ago. I was married, with no memory of the past, In a world that I was still new to.

We didn't speak but the time we were there in the same space, it felt like he said so much without using words and understood my unspoken words. I wanted to ask him about him and if I could have his number but just then Rou's thought struck me and I stopped. I took my bag and left the cafe in a hurry, with just a thankyou echoing behind me.

I made it outside, hurriedly called a cab and showed the driver my address. In about half an hour I was at home. Alone in my safe space I started to look for pictures, old pictures of me with my friends or alone.

I started checking the drawers and cupboards in my room, then in other rooms and then in basement. In the basement I found some boxes with my name on them. I looked through them and finally found some old photo albums.

Now I was in the livingroom with these albums. I turned the first page and the other and the other until I saw myself, a completely different looking self. Not the face, but the way she stood and the way she dressed, I knew it wasn't me.

She wore tiny dresses, skin showing, high heels, makeup, style, expensive, beautiful but not me. She looked like she was hurt, the hurt that wasn't visible but for some reason I was seeing it in full display. She looked like a very strong woman, a woman who stands alone and wouldn't need no one yet everyone would still be looking at her.

As I kept turning the pages, I got to the wedding photos, She looked happy on her wedding day, She was smiling, She was calm. I realized that I was crying when a drop of tear fell on the picture where she seemed the happiest.

She wore a bold white gown with some purple hues decorating it here and there, off shoulder, a very modern dress yet so elegant and beautiful. The dress had her name written on it, the dress only she could wear, as if it was made just for her.

The next few pictures, she was there smiling but after that all I could see was a very broken woman, someone who needed help and loving and was desperate for it. Rou as if disappeared, He was there in pictures yet he wasn't somehow.

Even after going through all of these pictures, crying tears, and having comprehended what she might have felt, I still couldn't remember anything. All this time when I looked at the pictures I felt I was looking at someone else who in no way could ever be me. I needed to know more about her who was supposed to be me in the past. I needed to know what happened? Why I was in the accident? Why I didn't feel like her eventhough I could understand what she felt so clearly.