|| Persona

SAMANTHA

Days passed, and everything went by smoothly. I had fun hanging out with my new friends but not as much when I hung out with Vince. He always finds holes or something wrong with my actions, making me feel less of a person than I already am.

Alex, who was the guy who fought with Vince the other day, was actually Vince's ex-best friend, and the thing is, I get to see him a lot because of our schedule. We don't have that much interaction, but from what I observed, he might not be the smartest looking person out there, but he is smart. Even if he sleeps in class or just stares in the air, he still gets good grades without even trying.

He also seemed to be a pretty nice person; Alex didn't cause any trouble after the encounter with Vince. Even if he hasn't posed any threat since then, that doesn't mean that I completely trust the guy and feel comfortable around him.

The day had come when Sev was fixed. He wasn't freaking out when I looked at him or talked to him, but sometimes he would be startled when I'd touch him. But there are other times like right now I tried to touch his shoulders, but in an instant, he dodged his body away from me and screamed as his life depended on it. He made Ethan switch places with him, now using Ethan's body as a shield.

We are heading to the dining haul right now and frustration is now taking a toll on my body.

"Sev! Seriously, could you just please stop acting like that?" I asked. Trying to keep it cool, I don't want to scare him even more.

"Y-you really wanna know why?" He said with a low voice. "Where do I begin? First, you scolded me about my whole personality and how I should change it. Then you fucking told us that we guys dig for breast, which is true. But that's not the point, you said that you might not have the biggest ones in the world, but I can always hold it."

Sev isn't even half way through his story and I can already feel the embarrassment building up inside my body.

"And guess what! You fucking touch yours without hesitation. And now I can never see girls the way I saw them before!" Sev groaned in frustration while still holding his chest.

I instantly felt my cheeks heat up from what he said. I may not have any memories of me doing what he just said, but it seems like it did happen from the expression on my friend's face. It was enough proof that it did happen. I'm just silently wishing for a quicksand to suddenly appear and suck my whole body out of this situation.

"Dude, being a pervert is not a personality." Ethan said, reprimanding Sev like a mom.

"And we agreed that we won't tell her." He continued.

"I know, but unless she asks, then we'll talk about it." Sev answered firmly.

I felt a sense of pity towards Sev, but at the same time, I felt fine about it, well, except for the part where I touched my boobs, which is very embarrassing. I mean, it's a good improvement that he looks at girls differently now, but I still couldn't believe that I did all of those things to him and in front of my friends.

I looked at Sev not knowing what to do or react. I saw Ethan elbowed Sev, who was now sighing in relief. I guess he finally let out the emotions that built up inside him, but as soon as Sev looked at Ethan frustratingly, he pointed at me.

"Don't be shocked, Sam. I mean we are meant to do embarrassing things at some point. Just be relieved that it was who was there with you." Sev said softly while I tried to recover from my state of shock.

"And I forgave you, already." He sort of honestly said. "I just need time to recover." He said to me reassuringly.

"We'll just use you again if ever we need to tame him." Ethan intervened with a smug look on his face.

The three of us continued walking to the dining haul, and made our way to our usual spot. I saw that our table was only occupied by Vince, who was busy reading on his tablet. He also ordered food which was a good thing.

"Where are the others?" Sev asked as we sat at the table that was already prepared.

Vince looked at Sev with a face telling him 'Do I look like I know?'

"Oh Harper has a meeting with the directors; she'll be busy for the upcoming days because the director and the rest of the council will select a new set of the student council by the end of the week. As for Stephen, he said that he needs to do some advanced studying, so he's in Calculus with Ms. Anderson the whole day, and for Colin, his father called him and made him come over to their company." Ethan informed the rest of us.

"Nice to meet you, Janet." I said to Ethan, trying to make a joke. The three of them looked at me weirdly. "Janet from 'The Good Place'."

"Oh right, Janet." Vince said, and from the tone of his voice, he obviously didn't get the joke; being the Vince I know, he just said that to annoy me.

Without Harper, Stephen, and even Colin eating with us today I lost my appetite and decided to go to the library instead to finish some work. I've been so busy adjusting to this place that I almost have no time for work.

"Don't you all just want to skip lunch?" I asked.

"Wasting all these foods? Never gonna happen." Sev replied, stuffing his mouth with tempura while Ethan agreed along with him.

"How can you guys eat a lot and still stay muscular?" I said while pouting at them. It was really unfair, if I stuffed my mouth with that much food I'd probably be fat in just minutes.

"Science." Sev replied and winked at me, which made me just roll my eyes at him.

How do you spell flirt? S-E-V! If I'm not smarter than I am right now, my heart would probably beat rapidly for him, making me one of his victims. I instantly cringed at that thought.

"Do you want to go to the library with me?" I asked Vince who was still reading on his tablet. I already knew that his answer would be no but I still asked him anyway since he was reading on his tablet while playing with his food.

"No thanks," He answered.

"Oh come on! This is a request." I begged the three of them. "I only make a request every once in a while." I tried putting on the cutest face that I can show, which made Sev stop. I thought it was successful but he just looked at me with utter disgust.

"Go alone." Vince replied with an annoyed look on his face.

"I'll go with you." A voice said from behind my back. "Alex Wright at your service, sorry I didn't mean to overhear your conversation with them." He bowed at me and smiled, showing a 'gentleman figure.' As for me, I was actually startled by his sudden appearance. I didn't know that he was behind us all along.

"Really?" I asked and he nodded.

Maybe, going with him wouldn't be a bad idea.

"Let's go then," I smiled and stood up. Alex may have appeared at the weirdest time, but going with him to the library would pose no harm. Afterall, he hasn't done anything to me yet, so I guess this would be an okay choice.

Truthfully, after analyzing our interactions, it is always civil. Whenever we passed by him in the halls, he acted as if nothing happened, and the rest of us also did the same thing. But people still can't stop their mouths since that incident, I even heard some of my classmates that they made a bet when Alex would be kicked out or when he would leave again. I would just think of this as an opportunity for me to get to know him better.

"And to you three, goodbye!" I stood up and grabbed my bag.

"Why do I suddenly feel so full??" Ethan said while standing him as he rubbed his tummy.

"Oh man, that sashimi made me full!"

Guess what, the playful womanizer also stood up!

"Oh, where are you guys going? Can we join you?" Sev said casually and stood up beside Ethan, smiling as if he didn't reject my offer a while ago.

"Now you guys want to go to the library?" I said as I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, the library, my favorite place in the world!" Ethan beamed like a child. "Let's get going then." Ethan said while heading to the double doors of this hall.

Ethan and Sev grabbed my arms and linked them with theirs, we skipped our way to the exit, leaving Alex behind us.

"Are you going with us to the library?" I asked Vince, as he walked right past us. While the two boys in my arms just smiled innocently like there's no tomorrow.

"Who said I'm going to the library with you guys, I am going to the library." What Vince just said made me 10 times more confused.

"He has his ways." Sev said while winking at me.

"Where's Alex?" I asked as I tried to look behind my back, making sure that he was still with us.

"Why are you looking for someone else if you have me?" Sev said, pouting his lips.

"Because he was the one who offered to go to the library with me." I replied.

"Don't be childish, my little one, we're now going to the library. Aren't we?" Ethan said while patting the top of my head.

"You guys are the chi—"

"Look where we are!" Sev beamed and opened the glass doors leading us to the room full of never-ending knowledge.

"The place where I truly belong!" Sev followed.

"Definitely not a place for second head user." Ethan continued.

What should I do with these two boys? I could feel the shame as we headed inside and tapped our IDs.

"So this is what the library looks like." Sev whispers to Ethan as if I couldn't hear them.

"Dude, you've never been to one?" Ethan asked disappointedly. It was unbelievable that Sev couldn't even imagine what a library looks like but could imagine so many things that he could do on dates.

"No, but I've been to a lot of hotels, and I can tell you which is my favorite one." He proudly answered back while I shivered in the dirty thought that just came into my mind.

"Hey, I thought you've changed your perspective?" I asked, remembering what he had just said a while ago.

"Hmm, beautiful boys don't change quickly, darling. And for I am a beautiful boy!" Sev said proudly. He was obviously in a rush because after he said that, he immediately approached the girl in the middle of the fictional aisle.

"How 'bout you Ethan?" I said but as I looked at his place a while ago, he was already beside Sev. What? Ethan!

"God, how dare they do such things in this heavenly place?"

As I took in the sight of books that were in front of me, I breathed in the scent of the books. In an instant, I forgot what happened before we got here. The comfort of this place is something that I cannot find anywhere else. As I glided my fingers on the spine of the books, someone spoked.

"What's your favorite quote, Sam?" It was Alex. I hid the fact that I was startled by his sudden appearance. I just smiled at him sweetly.

"I guess mine would be, 'Sometimes, things fall apart so that better things can fall together',by Marilyn Monroe." I replied as I continued to daydream, as if I am in another dimension with these books.

"What's yours?"

"Oh, I love that quote from Marilyn Monroe, but mine would be 'All secrets become deep. All secrets become dark. That's the nature of secrets.' by Cory Doctorow." Alex replied emphasizing the word secret which made me look at him.

What did I just hear? Suddenly my daydreaming faded and I'm back to reality.

"Don't you have secrets, Sam?" Alex asked as he now stood in front of me. I didn't even notice how he was walking towards me slowly each time he said a word.

"Don't we all?" I laughed at his question, slowly losing the smile I had on my face. I'm somewhat getting tense about our conversation and my instincts are definitely telling me to go now.

Sam, he is danger...

"I agree," He laughs back. "Why don't you tell me one and I'll do the same." He said in a gentle but commanding voice, it was sort of similar to Vince's tone of voice when he commands but this was the Walmart version of it.

"We're not that close for me to tell you secrets." I said sternly while looking straight into his eyes.

Why is he doing this? I keep on thinking about my past, if he knows it, but if he does then how?

"So, you tell them your secrets?" He asked while I was looking at Sev and Ethan who are now flirting with the middle-aged librarian. Poor lady, it must be hard.

"I'm on the verge of finding out if I can, and when the time comes that I have an answer to your question you'll be the first one to know." I snapped. I was getting very annoyed at his vague questions. So, I turned my back on him so I can now exit this aisle.

"I have a secret Sam; you see I'm a sinner—" I cut him off abruptly.

"Aren't we all?" I scoffed but he just laughed at it. I was near to leaving the aisle but his words made me stop walking.

"Mine's really different you know, as I said I'm a sinner just like everybody else but what makes people different is the weight of that sin. You see, my sin is that I open my legs to people with no shame." Alex's words made me automatically freeze.

I turned around and looked at him. He was now different from the Alex I knew from the classroom; it was as if he had these masks in his pocket and when it's time for a different him the masks are there for his convenience.

"And here I am, studying and walking the grounds like a dignified person." He continued while again walking slowly towards me. Alex leaned into my ears and whispered. "I'm not saying that you are that person, but if you are, I'd run." His mouth was so close to my ears that I could hear him breathing.

I cannot move. My heart, my body, my secret… They are all shivering in fear.

"What are you doing?" A familiar cold voice asked, I can feel my shoulders relaxing a bit from the familiarity. I didn't want to hear what else Alex knows. Not today.

"Oh, nothing." Alex replied, his normal voice was back. He then moved away from me and faced Vince.

"Let's go, we'll be late for class." Vince sternly said while looking directly at me, he didn't give any attention to Alex.

"Let's go!" Alex said cheerfully. It was a different him again, thanks to the masks.

"Not you, get out of here already." Vince grabbed my wrist and walked me out of the library. I am a bit thankful that he is dragging me to my class because I still didn't have the strength to move. Nothing made sense.

"We need groceries. Let's meet at the parking lot at dismissal. Your last class ends at three, right?" I slowly and absentmindedly nodded. He left me in front of my classroom as soon as I nodded, figuring out that he might be late for his class as well.

I lifelessly walked to my seat as if a person sucked my soul out of me. But for the first time, I felt thankful for Vince being there at the right time because if he hadn't, I'd be running out of the library in tears.

As class began, I just sat and stared at the board as my teacher continued to talk. I didn't bother to take notes or take anything from my bag. I just stared, lifelessly.

I somehow expected this to happen, that somebody will surely know about my past but I didn't know that it would be this soon and now I'm worried that I can lose friends because of what I did. My chance of having a normal life was now just a mystical dream.

It was dismissal time already, I still remembered that I have to meet Vince at the parking lot so we can get groceries together. I walked to the parking lot not caring about my posture or even if someone bumped into me. A lot of questions are stuck inside my head the entire afternoon.

"Give me your keys, I already asked Ethan to take your car home."

That's the cue of ascending my thoughts from the drowning memories. I saw Vince already waiting in front of his car. I nodded at him and immediately gave him my car keys.

"Get in the car, and wait for me there." My body followed what Vince said and just waited for him inside the car. As Vince entered the car, he put my seatbelt first before anything else.

"Safety first." He said and drove to the grocery store.

I sighed heavily. Finally, after the things a while ago I felt I am at peace.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

As soon as we arrived at the supermarket, I went to get a cart while Vince said that he would be waiting at the entrance. I lifelessly pushed the cart to the main entrance and stopped when I felt like I bumped into someone. I looked up and saw that it was Vince, no wonder that he didn't say ouch. He looked at me weirdly while I looked at him back. We were having an unofficial staring contest.

"Let's go already." He sighed, giving up. I followed him to the fresh produce section of the supermarket. Basically, my role here is the driver of the cart. I just follow Vince around this section of the supermarket as he fills our cart with different types of vegetables and fruits.

I watched him as he carefully picked every product, then I started to wonder where he all learned this from. I mean I think that this isn't what he does at his original home because they have people for that.

"Where'd you learn all of these?" I asked.

"What?" He looked at me weirdly.

"These, picking out the right vegetable. I saw you knocking on the watermelon, you know." I replied but he just laughed at me. I kinda smiled at the way he laughed, I guess this is the first time I saw him laugh.

"Auntie Lou, she was Alex's mom — she taught a lot when I was a kid." He signaled me to follow him to the dairy section. "Sometimes, while I am waiting for Alex, his mom always brings me to the kitchen and their pantry and teaches me how to pick the right vegetable and if the fruit is ripe enough." He continued as he grabbed the butter and some cheese from the chiller. "Alex's family is very successful in the food industry."

"Now I want to meet her." I commented.

"She's the best." He looked at me and smiled.

"You've got more stories there?" I hopefully asked.

"One time, I got bullied because of being a silent but good thing. I had a pencil case made out of metal but designed as a car. One day, Aunt Lou complimented my pencil case saying that it was a good tool to be a weapon. So I hit the kid with the pencil case on his head. It was just the first hit and he instantly cried." I can't distinguish by the tone of his voice if he was joking or what. I looked at his face as he was choosing meat products that he was satisfied with what he did when he was a kid. Hmm, he is a certified badass kid.

We continued talking for the rest of our grocery shopping, as he continued telling me stories about his childhood and how the gang grew.

"I was usually alone, but thankfully I met Stephen and Harper. When I met Harper, I instantly knew that something good would happen." I agree, I always feel the same way whenever I see Harper.

"I also love to annoy Harper, every time she hosts a party there should always be a dress code, and every time she asks us where something blue for example I'll wear black. If it's a beach party I'd wear my most formal outfit yet. That's how much I love her." I laughed.

After his fun experience meeting Harper, his feeling towards Sev tells otherwise. He said the meeting Sev was probably the most unpleasant thing that happened to him. Vince described Sev as unpredictable. Nothing was clear, everything about him is inconsistent. Like from his perspective to women. He also mentioned that when Sev joined the gang, he arranged a Bachelor party for them and a Bachelorette party for Harper. Vince described it as torture in the form of lingerie.

It was really fun talking to him, until we entered the apartment with bags in our hands. Of course, Dama greeted us at the front door.

"I had a good time, Vince. I never thought grocery shopping with you would be this fun." I said to him,

"No worries, you should rest now.. I can organize all of these in no time." I was shocked by his sudden actions. I wasn't even sure what to say so I nodded.

"I'll help you out next time. Good night Vince." I said and made my way to my room.

"Good night Sam." I heard Vince replied.

The time that Vince and I shared this afternoon was enough for me to forget for a little bit what happened between me and Alex, it was more than pleasant. But tonight, I would then again embrace the voice inside my head that's constantly questioning every action I take. I was more than sure that the voice would play on replay.