Chapter 70 Burden To Bear

I jolt awake, gasping for breath as I sit up, tears rolling down my cheeks. Oh god, Loki, Hope, and I… I feel myself begin to panic when I realise I'm alive. I'm alive and not dead which means… was I dreaming? I finally notice my surroundings and I sign in relief, realising where I am. I'm home, in our bedroom, in our bed and I turn to see Loki sleeping peacefully beside me. Unharmed and alive.

Oh thank god, thank god it was just a dream. It was just a dream. I was dreaming and none of that ever happened. My wings did come out, I did escape Kai and he didn't kill me. We stopped him and he didn't kill Loki or take Hope. I beated his arse, got him arrested and he has no doubt been executed by now. It was just a dream and yet it felt so real. It felt so real and I find myself reaching up to rub my neck where he cut it slightly and where Loki healed me. God, it felt so real and I thought for a moment that we… that Loki…

I take a breath, rubbing away the tears as I lay back in bed, moving back to rest in Loki's arms. My head nuzzling in his chest, breathing in his cologne as I hold onto him tightly. He isn't dead, he isn't dead. He's ok and we are together. We are both alive and Hope is safe in the next room. We are safe and we were finally together last night, as a family and as a couple. Which was so great and yet I think I will relax properly when I know he has been executed. When I know he is dead and can't harm us anymore. God, why did it feel so real? I really thought… no we are ok, we are ok. Just got to relax, we are safe and nothing will break us.

Closing my eyes again, I snuggle into Loki's arms with my head on his chest just under his neck with my hands on his chest and back. Holding onto him and not letting him go. He must have felt me move as barely a second later, I feel his hands move from the bed back to my waist and back. Tracing over where my wings come out and going through my hair. His touch makes me relax and rest in his arms. His presence soothing and making me feel safe.

"Mmm, I have missed waking up with my beautiful wife in my arms." He whispers, his hands going through my hair, "Are you awake my angel?"

I nod, nuzzling into his chest and about to open my eyes when I see the images again. The images of us dying flashes before my eyes and my eyes shoot open again. That horrible nightmare still haunting me and I grip Loki tighter. He isn't dead. He isn't dead and yet that horrible imagine won't leave my mind. His body dead on the ground, his skin sickly blue and veiny. His eyes open in pain and his chest unmoving with the knife… the knife and all the blood.

It makes me hold Loki tighter and I know I have nearly lost Loki before. I once thought I saw him die when that horrible ice palace collapsed on him and then I found him, tortured and in pain. But even with those injuries, he never looked anything as bad as that. He never looked so dead and it was horrifying… petrifying. It was just a dream, just a dream, just a dream. No, a horrifying nightmare of a fate we nearly had.

Loki notices my inner distress and holds me tightly, "Katrina, what's wrong? You're holding me so tightly with dare I say a death grip."

"Sorry." I whisper, releasing my hold on him before moving my hands to his chest so I can still touch him.

He rubs my back, knowing something is up, "What's troubling you?"

I make to speak but find myself unable to, not sure I can say even speak the words out loud. It's stupid for me to fear Kai when I know he is probably dead by now but that nightmare, it felt so real and for a second I thought it was. How can I tell him? Can I burden him even more with my fears? Make him suffer more from the guilt? From the guilt that he couldn't have saved me sooner. How can I say I just saw us die in my dream, in my nightmare and I thought I lost him? I thought we all died at Kai's hand and he took Hope? My worst fears come to pass?

Instead of answering, not wanting to lie or tell him, I keep my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. It's soothing and yet the nightmare is still haunting me. Just that one image of him dead and I know the truth. I know what I saw didn't happen but still… it scares me. It's not even the fact of me dying that scares me, it's the idea of Loki dying and Hope being taken. And yet as my mind thinks this over, I know Loki is waiting for me to open up and tell him all my trouble. And yet I can't will myself to tell him but I need to answer him. Maybe I should lie after all? Use my silver tongue for a change? I just can't tell him.

So I force myself to lie but the words lack conviction, "I've just missed being in your arms too."

"Katrina you might have got better at lying, but your silver tongue isn't as good as mine and I can tell you are lying." He kisses my head, "Talk to me, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing." I try to claim but again, my words lack strength.

He signs in frustration before saying, his voice gentle but firm, "Look at me."

Apart of me wants to pull away and look at him, memorise his face and glowing green eyes. But I know the moment I do, he will see my puffy eyes from where I was crying. He will know something is wrong and yet I can't hide from him. And I don't want to. I want to tell him and yet I don't want him to suffer anymore with guilt or the burden of having me as his wife. Considering the amount of trouble I seem to attract… maybe he shouldn't have… ever got with me.

I take a breath and I reluctantly pull away from his chest and look up into his gorgeous face. His eyes shimming a bright green and a small smile on his face. But behind it all, he looks worried, and his worry increases when he sees my face. His smile drops as his hand goes to my cheek, rubbing where my tears were.

"You've been crying." He whispers, "Please talk to me Katrina. I'm here for you, I'm here so talk to me. What has upset you so?"

I take a breath, "It was just a nightmare but it felt real." He looks at me, encouraging me to go on, "We were back in the feasting hall, last night and it was just before I freed myself from Kai's grasp and we were locked in stalemate. But instead of my wings coming out, he… um… he slits my throat, killing me but before I… die… he killed you and took Hope. You were just dead and it was horrible. And when I woke up, it felt so real that for a second I thought it actually happened and that you were…" I stop, my voice cracking.

He looks taken back by my dream but composes himself, his hand going up to my cheek as the other takes my hand and puts it back on his chest. I can now feel his chest moving and it's soothing, knowing he is alive. His heart beating.

"I'm ok, I'm alive Katrina and I'm still here." He reassures me, "Kai lost. You bested him and he is gone, dead no doubt by now. Hope is safe, I'm alive and so are you. We are all safe and well. It was just a nightmare that will never come true. So don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." He smiles at me, "But I am curious, why didn't you just tell me? We have both had a share of nightmares. You have been there for most of the ones I used to have of Thanos. So why hide it from me? Did it really scare you that much? You know I'm here, alive… why didn't you just tell me?"

I frown, "I didn't want to burden you anymore."

He looks at me puzzled, "Burden? You are no burden to me. I will gladly comfort you with any nightmares. What is this really about?"

The words escape my mouth before I even realise I said them, "Maybe you shouldn't have met me."

He is completely taken back, stunned at my words, and in shock. Even I am surprised that I said that but now I need to explain.

"I don't regret meeting you Loki, that isn't what I mean… it's just… ever since you met me, all I have done is burden you. Attracting trouble left and right, constantly needing to be protected and saved all the time. Not to mention the past 7 years we have both suffered because of me and I don't want you to suffer anymore. To have any more guilt or pain… it's just…" I lower my head, "I fear I'm burdening you, having me as your wife. And maybe… you should have never got with me."

He lifts my head up with his finger, "Listen to me Katrina, you are no burden to me and never have been. We both have our demons and it's not your fault that you have more than mine. But I knew what I was getting into, long before we found out who you are. Come on, I fell in love with Tony Stark's sister. Trouble was bound to happen." This makes me smile a little, "And still, even if I had known about Killian or Damian or even Kai, it wouldn't have changed a thing. I still would have made you mine."

I frown, "But…"

He interrupts me, "No buts. You're my girl and I don't care how much trouble you attract. We protect each other, save each other, and now protect and save our family. And if you are thinking I'm suffering I'm not. Yes, I hate that bastard is giving you nightmares and maybe a part of me does feel guilty for everything that happened. But right now I'm just so happy to wake up with my beautiful wife back at my side at last. The love of my life in my arms with our daughters in the rooms next door. All my girls safe, alive, and well." He smiles at me, "I love you, all of you Katrina Odinson. All the trouble, all the adventures, and all of you. You're perfect and I am thankful every day that I walked into that kitchen and met you."

This makes me smile, "When I got you to eat with me?"

He smiles and nods, "Exactly. I am so happy that I joined you that day and let you in my heart, for I could never regret meeting you. Or wanting you to be mine, forever." He caresses my cheek, "And I know you have suffered my angel but don't hide it from me. Let me comfort you, ease your troubles, console you, love you, worship you as you could never be a burden to me. You're MY girl and that will never change."

I take a breath, his words making me feel better, "I'm yours."

He smiles, "As I am yours, forever, no matter what happens. You are the love of my life and I could never regret being with you. You are my everything and if I have to beat up some tyrants now and then, bring it on. As you are mine and I would burn the heavens to save you, I love you."

My lips crash onto his, kissing him with all the passion that I can muster and let the cosmic fire unleash between us. He kisses me back, a smile on his lips as he wraps his arms around me. Pulling me closer to him with his hands on my waist and back. I have moved my hand from his chest to his neck while the other holds his cheek as we both get lost in the bliss of our love. It's intoxicating and full of passion and raging hunger. God how I love him so much and I know I will always be happy with him. Only he could ease my mind, my fears, and make me feel so loved.

We have to pull apart to breathe and we rest our heads against each other, smiling and taking deep breaths. Staring into each other's eyes as we hold each other, not letting go, ever.

"And I love you, with all my heart." I run my hand over his cheek, "That nightmare simply scared me. I just saw you dead, in the most horrible way possible and it just… well… petrified me."

He nods, kissing me on the cheek, "It was just a nightmare and I assure you, I am very much alive. I am here, we are all and we're safe. No harm can come to us and no matter how you feel, talk to me. I will always cheer you up with my silver tongue, in more ways than one."

This makes me giggle, blushing slightly, "I do love your silver tongue."

He smirks, "Oh I know my angel. I love how it soothes you and excites you." He smiles, "But no matter what I am here for you."

"I know you are." I say with a smile, "I just hate how real that nightmare felt. It was just so horrible. It wasn't even my death I feared. But the idea of Kai killing you and taking Hope from us. It petrified me and I let my stupid fears cloud my judgement."

He nods, "I understand my love. I have had a lot of nightmares about Thanos that felt so real, I had forgotten where I was. But Hope is safe, sleeping in the next room and I am ok. Not a scratch on me or you." He smiles, "And remember, I used blood magic to protect all three of our rooms. Only we can enter so we are safe, we are all. So relax, you're safe my angel, you're safe."

I take a breath, feeling relieved, "Yeah you're right. I guess I will feel more relaxed when I know he is dead for sure."

"Well if it helps ease your troubled mind, in a moment I will get a guard to check for us that Kai has definitely been executed this morning?" He offers, "And I will get some food brought up so we can eat breakfast together as a family. Sound good?"

I smile, "Sounds perfect. I will feel better once we know he is gone for good."

"So will I." He admits, "Then I know for sure he can never take you from me or hurt you again. I can't lose you again, not for real. You don't know how relieved and overjoyed I was when I woke up and found you in my arms. Finally in my arms again. I have missed you so much and I thought for a moment back there, I wouldn't get you back. That I lost you for real."

I shake my head, my hand back on his cheek, "But you didn't and believe me, I feared for a second I would never be able to get back to you. And yet you didn't give up. You did everything you could to get me back, searching for me all this time and then the last few days. Fighting to get me back. I mean you were suspicious from the moment you saw me with him and heard the horrible story I made up about him 'saving' my life."

He chuckles, "True but honestly, a part of me just didn't want to believe it. So I gave you the disk from your brother and I just knew. I knew something was wrong as you knew clearly who Tony was. Your reaction told me everything."

I nod, "Yeah you caught me off guard with that one. And then you began testing me? Like with the dance?"

He smiles sheepishly, "Well I had to. I was trying to figure out how much you remembered as you clearly did and I wanted to get him away from you. If only I had realised so I could have saved you and our daughter sooner."

"It doesn't matter now." I say with a smile, "Like you said, we are both safe and you did save us. Yes, Sif saved our daughter but you made it so her presence wouldn't go unnoticed. You helped save her and you saved me. You saved me like I knew you would. If you hadn't been there…" I look into his eyes, "You got me back and we are together again. That's all that matters and believe me, I'm never going to leave your arms again. You know I belong with you."

This makes him smile brightly, "As I belong with you."

His lips then meet mine and it's gentle, soft and yet brimming with passion. I kiss him back with the same touch as we hold onto each other. Our love consuming us with the relief that we are together, we are together at last. And even though we knew this, it has finally hit us and we are overjoyed. In moments we are losing control, Loki pulling me closer and I end up on top of him, laying across his chest. But our lips stay interlocked as we make out with a roaring passion, not letting each other go. Not even for a second.