Chapter 10: Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go

Chapter 10: Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go

-T.S. Eliot

Sophia

My body heats with pleasure at the feel of the firm male body wrapped around me. I've never felt so possessed and protected in my life. I cuddle close to the warmth, listening to his soft breathing and open my eyes slowly. That's when awareness of my surroundings sets in. I definitely don't remember falling asleep with anyone else. Inhaling nervously, I look down at the arm resting on my waist. The arm is decorated with several tattoos. It's most definitely not Darren that I'm lying with. My heart speeds up when recognition strikes me. It's Micah. I'm in Micah's bed and in his arms. I blink my eyes, trying to get my thoughts together. Looking around in consternation, I try to remember what I did last night. There's no way that I snuck into his bedroom last night. The last thing I remember is sitting on the couch to wait for him until I couldn't stay awake any longer.

I can't help but feel elation rush through me at the thought that he carried me to his bed and laid beside me. I don't know what to make of it. Just then, his arm stiffens over me, and his body becomes alert. I hold my breath, too frightened to move. I don't know what to do. His breathing heightens as he pulls me further into the security of his arms, and whispers. "Are you awake?" I nod my head stiffy as I wait for his next response. "I'm sorry I didn't call you last night to let you know that I was going to be home late." I shake my head and turn in his arms face with him. His beautiful green eyes gleam in the morning light like emeralds. He looks dangerous and rugged with his scruffy, unshaven jaw and mussed hair. I want to run my hand through his strong jaw and kiss his firm lips so bad. "I won't pretend that I wasn't worried, but I can understand where you're coming from. I'm sure you're not used to answering to your guests when you go out."

He nods his and tilts his head running his gaze over me. "Either way, I'm sorry." I smile at his sincere apology and raise a hand to caress his jaw with a whisper. "I know that you don't have to answer to me, but I do need to know. Why am I in your bed?" He quirks his lips with bemusement. "I was worried that you would still have nightmares." My face falls at his honest reply. I guess I expected him to say that he couldn't sleep without me or something.

Feeling foolish at my own thoughts, I give him a thankful smile and mumble. "Thanks." He doesn't reply. Instead, he rises from the bed and faces me. "I have to go to work today. Do you have any plans of your own?" I bite my lip as I try to form a response. "I don't know. I guess I'll go to Darren's frat house to see him. I think he's mad that I left with you. Instead of him. He hasn't really been returning any of my calls and hung up on me quickly when I called the other night." Micah's jaw ticks, and his body stiffens in agitation. At first, I think he's going to rail at me for mentioning Darren, then he loosens his jaw and nods in agreement.

After a moment, he turns to a nearby dresser and opens a drawer. I watch as the muscles on his back bunch and move underneath his shirt while he searches through the drawer. "Any other plans?" He asks casually. I nod my head and rise from the bed. "Actually, I have a friend who owns a sweet shop near Central Park called Sweet Perfect. She's a bit short-staffed due to some guy issues, so I figure I'll stop in and help her out." Micah turns around and leans his back on the dresser with an incredulous frown. "So, you're planning on working during your break?" I shrug my shoulders and move to stand in front of him. "There's really nothing else to do, so I might as well be helpful. Unless there's something you need." I whisper in a suggestive voice.

Micah simply rolls his eyes and crosses his arms in amusement. Thankfully he thinks that I'm just messing with him. As he stands there gauging my sincerity, I can't help but run my eyes over his well-developed biceps and the intricate tattoos imprinted on his skin. Unfortunately, he's wearing a t-shirt, and the light in the room is too dim for me to see the tattoos clearly. But I'm dying to know what they are. Especially since he's so secretive about them. Micah must see my intent because he moves around me, walks towards the bathroom, and calls out from over his shoulder. "I'm going to take a shower. I can give you a ride after breakfast if you want."

"Yeah, sure. I'll go change and make some coffee." I reply with one final hungry stare at the curves of his firm, round ass in his tight fitted jeans. The man oozes sex. Unaware of my lusty thoughts, Micah waves his hand from over his shoulder then closes the door behind him.

Micah doesn't talk much during breakfast. He simply drinks his cup of coffee as he stands in front of his television to monitor the news. He looks really hot in his navy blue suit and crisp blue dress shirt. The jacket hugs his massive shoulders like a second skin, and the slacks curve around his beautifully rounded backside. "Are you coming home today?" I ask as I slather butter over my toast and listen to the newscaster. Micah doesn't answer as he listens attentively to the new report. To my surprise, the story of the week is about a ranch in the same town that my father and Chelsea live in.

I listen with horror as the news anchor discusses the discovery of mass graves with children's decaying bones in them. They were discovered when the authorities found the dead bodies of several businessmen inside the house. According to the anchorwoman, the man who lived there was found in his barn with his throat slit from ear to ear. Apparently, they found evidence that the man was some kind of psycho, a pedophile who had been violently raping and killing children, with the help of his rich deviant associates for the past two years.

"I hope those men are rotting in hell," I utter with a vengeful cry. Micah turns to me with a questioning brow and raises his cup towards the television. "Yeah, I hope so too." He seems solemn as he says those words. Almost as if he feels responsible for those deaths. "Are you okay, Micah?" I ask with concern. He shrugs his shoulders and turns back to me with a serious frown. "I'm fine. It just pisses me off when stuff like that happens." I nod my head in commiseration and lean my forehead on his shoulder as we watch the news anchor point to the police officers who are loading the covered bodies onto an ambulance. "It's crazy that something like this happened in our parent's town. I don't understand how someone could get away with something like that for so long without anyone knowing." Micah nods his head and reaches for the remote to turn off the television.

"We better go. I might make it home later, but I don't know. I'll text you if I don't." I nod my head and follow him out the door as I adjust my short, black, off the shoulder, shift dress, leather jacket, and fix my black knee-high boots. The day is just as cool as it was yesterday, with a slight drizzle of rain dropping down from the sky. It looks like it's going to be a muggy, rainy day.

Looking over at Micah's profile, I reach for the radio knob, find a song to listen to, and rest back on my seat to watch the New York sky fly by. "So, what do you do, Micah?" I ask curiously.

He doesn't respond at first. It seems that this is Micah's go-to move when I ask him a question. It's almost as if he's weighing his answer before he says anything. "Didn't my mother tell you?" He asks. I shake my head, keeping my eyes out the passenger window, run and index finger over the glass, and follow a drop that is gliding slowly down the window before I respond. "She said that you work for the government, but she didn't say what you did." He nods his head and runs his tongue over his lips before he looks over at me and answers. "Unfortunately, what I do is very secure. I guess the best I can say is that I work in national security."

His answer leaves me dissatisfied, but there's nothing I can really do about that if his job is privacy based. It doesn't take long to get to Darren's frat house. The house is a large building a few blocks from NYU. It's not the best-kept building with its dirty windows, graffiti-covered walls and rotting doors. But the guys like it. Micah's face and mouth tighten into a grim line as soon as he pulls up in front of the frat house.

"Thanks for the ride," I say as I'm about to step out of the car. However, I don't make it out when Micah's hand grips my elbow AND stops my descent. I turn around and face him with a questioning look. "What's wrong?" I ask as I slip my elbow from his hand. He clenches his jaw and licks his lips before he responds. "I'll wait for you."

I shake my head with a frown. "Why?" He swallows hard and gestures to the building entrance. "You said you haven't been able to get ahold of him. If he's not there, you'll be stranded. Just go in and text me when you find him. I'll leave as soon as I know you're okay." I nod my head and give him a reassuring smile. "Okay, just give me a few minutes, the place is a maze." He simply nods his head and sits there quietly.

One of the frat boys, Ford Fletcher, opens the door on the first knock. He wolf-whistles as soon as he sees me and leans on the door. "Sophia, baby, good to see you. What brings you by?" I gesture toward the foyer and raise a sardonic brow. "Hey, Ford. Can I come in? I'm here to see Darren." Ford frowns in confusion and moves to stand in front of the door. "Wait, you and Darren didn't break-up?" I shake my head, confused by his question. "What? No. I was actually here because he hasn't been answering my phone calls." Ford shifts uncomfortably as he looks nervously back towards the stairs, which makes me suspicious. "What the hell, Ford, let me in!" Not giving him a chance, I step around him and rush up the stairs; I can hear Ford calling me from a distance, but I ignore him.

Darren's door is the first one near the stairs. Without warning, I step into the room and gasp at the sight that greets me. Darren is here, alright. He's lying in bed naked as the day he was born with two naked women in his arms. He doesn't notice me at first as he kisses each woman and fondles their breasts. Crossing my arms to contain my rage in, I move to stand near the foot of the bed and clear my throat. It would almost be comical if I was so pissed to see his face lose color as he pushes both women clumsily away and rises to flop around like a fish. "Sophia!" He squeals out as he tries to cover his body with a soiled sheet. Both girls stand up and give us weird looks before they wordlessly step out the door.

Crossing my arms, I shake my head furiously and tighten my mouth. "You cheating bastard! How could you?" Darren's face flushes, but he doesn't back down. "What does it matter, Sophia? It's not like you give a shit about me." Confused by his comment, I flinch back in question. "What are you talking about?" He tightens his mouth and walks around the bed to stand before me. "I'm talking about the fact that you have a thing for your stepbrother, and the moment he orders you to do something, you jump." My breath hitches at his comment. "It's not like that, Darren…" Darren scoffs, throws the sheet away from his body aggressively, then reaches down and slips on some basketball shorts. "Really, Sophia? You're going to pretend that there is nothing there?" He says, moving closer. "Well, let me tell you something. You can lie to yourself, and him, but I saw the way you looked at him, and the way he looked at you. And I'm not going to be your go-to-guy because, for some reason, you two are not together."

Tears gather in my eyes at his honest assessment. "I do care about you, Darren." He shakes his head sadly. "I'm sure you do, Sophia. But also realized that I'm just a way for you to fill your time until he comes around; because I'm guessing that he's the one holding back." My breath hitches with a sob, "I'm so sorry, Darren. I didn't mean to hurt you." I whisper forlornly.

Darren simply shrugs and pulls me into the comfort of his arms. How did the tables turn so suddenly? "It's fine, Sophia. I just hope that you two can work it out." I shake my head with a hopeless cry. "It doesn't matter because he doesn't feel the same way."

Emotion overwhelms me as I rest my head in his arms and let him comfort me. Several seconds pass before I pull back and wipe my tears. "I should go." I croak out. Darren nods with a soft smile and places a soft kiss on my head. I can see by the look on his face that this is goodbye. "Take care of yourself, Sophia." Giving him a tearful nod, I lay a soft kiss on his cheek and walk out the door.

As promised, Micah is still sitting in his car, waiting for me. I'm sure I look like a mess when I slip into the car and quietly look forward. Micah turns to me with a concerned frown. "What the fuck happened to you?" I shake my head and bite my lip nervously. "Nothing, let's just go." But he doesn't listen. Instead, he turns off the ignition and steps out of the car. I look on startled as he strides determinedly towards the frat house. He looks ready to tear down the frat-house doors, and Darren with them. Taking action, I unbuckle my seatbelt and scramble after his retreating form. "Stop Micah. Don't!" Micah stops and turns to me with a ferocious scowl. "Then you better tell me what happened before I march in there and rip Darren apart!"

I take a deep breath as I consider the seriousness of his tone. I've never seen Micah so pissed off. Not even during the gas station holdup. Wiping my tears, I bite my lip and reply. "Darren and I broke-up." Micah's eyes narrow as he raises his hand up and wipes my wet cheeks. "Why?" I shrug my shoulders and swallow deeply before I answer. "He just doesn't want to be with me anymore." Micah's chest expands, and his eyes narrow as he gauges the truthfulness of my words. "I'm sorry." He whispers sympathetically.

Placing my hand around his wrist, I lower it down and look off into the distance. "It's fine, Micah. I was only with him for a few months. We weren't even that serious about each other. We were just having fun. I guess I'm just more upset because he discarded me so easily." I snort with derision as I think about all of the times I've been discarded. "I'm just not the kind of person that any man wants to stick around for," I whisper forlornly. I know that it's not fair to Darren or me that I feel this way. But something inside of me hoped that Darren would be the one to make me forget Micah.

Micah shakes his head. "Don't say that, Sophia. You're a smart, beautiful woman. It's not your fault. It's his. Any man would be lucky to have you." I scoff at his weak attempt at consolation. Words are so easy when there are no promises attached. I have to say it's ironic that the man that broke my heart is trying to tell me that any man would be lucky to have me. It would be almost laughable if it wasn't so pathetic. However, I don't comment on it. It's pointless to let my bitterness show. So I shrug my shoulders and swallow down my pain. "Yeah, I guess you're right." Looking beyond him, I pull away and utter blankly. "You know what? I need a break." Micah frowns and wraps his arms around my forearm to pull me close. "I'll take you back home."

Roughly pulling my arms away from his hands, I shake my head and step around him. "No, I'm fine. I just need some air. Just go to work. I'll be fine." I don't wait for him to say anything else as I quicken my stride and disappear from sight. Rushing to the nearest subway stairs, I jump on the West 4th station train and take a seat. I feel emotionally wrung as I stare straight ahead and think about what to do next. Unfortunately, my mind doesn't clear by the time the train stops in front of the Central Park station. If anything, I feel even more confused. My body flinches when my phone vibrates with a text. It's Micah. –I'm seriously worried about you, Sophia. Just tell me that you're okay.

Not wanting to worry him any further, I text him back. I'm okay, Micah. I just need some time to think. I'll be at my friend's sweet shop. Shutting down the phone, I go up the subway stairs and stand near the park entrance. I have to laugh at the irony that is my life sometimes. It's funny how I've managed to survive a roller coaster of emotions in only two days. This is not me. I'm not a super emotional female. At least I haven't been since the last time I saw Micah. But it's as if every emotion I've locked away for all of these years has opened up like a Pandora's Box. And I hate it. I hate feeling weak and needy for a man who doesn't give a crap about me. I just want to rip my heart out of my chest and stop feeling. But I know that it's all on me. It's no one's fault, but mine. I know that I need to be stronger than this. And in order to do so, I have to start facing the reality that Micah will never love me. I need to move on. And I need to start by letting things go.

The rain is falling a little stronger by the time I make it to Sweet Perfect. There are a few stragglers, but the place is pretty empty. Maleah and Sage's shop shines like a beacon in the distance. The shop is occupied by a few customers, and Maleah is looking pretty busy behind the counter when I walk in. "Hey, you. What brings you back here?" She asks with a happy smile.

I roll my eyes and step around to counter to stand next to her. "Well, I have this crazy friend who is overwhelmed with her thriving business, and I had a crazy idea that she'd need my help," I respond as I take a few plates from her hand and nudge my chin towards the crowd. "Where do you want it?" Her smile widens as she embraces me quickly and gestures to a table with a little girl and an older lady. Time to get to work now.

Maleah and I work pretty Well, for the rest of the day. It's the best distraction I can ask for. It's the end of the day when Maleah closes the door behind the last customer and turns to me with an excited grin. "Girl, that was awesome. Thanks so much for the help." I shrug my shoulders and wipe a clean rag over the table. "Anytime girl. I can come back for the next few days if you need me to." Her grin widens as she takes a seat on the chair across of me and replies, "Sounds good. I can pay you." I shake my head. "Nah. Let's just call it an internship. Plus, I have nothing else to do since Darren broke up with me, and I'm stuck at Micah's house until spring break is over."

Maleah's mouth falls open in surprise. "WHAT? Darren broke up with you? Why?" I shrug my shoulders and place my entwined hands on the table. "Actually, I went to visit him at the frat house and caught him in bed with two women." Maleah sputters in outrage. "What!? That rat bastard! I will cut off his balls!" I hold my hand in front of her, putting a halt to her rant. "Stop, girl. It's not completely his fault." Her face contorts into an incredulous scowl. "Are you being serious right now? The guy cheats on you, and you say it's not his fault. Why would you say that?" I shake my head, feeling a renewed hurt. "I mean, there's no doubt that what he did was stupid, but he had his reason." Maleah crosses her arms over her chest and quirks her brow. "And what reason would that be? Did you cheat on him or something?"

Shaking my head, I take a deep breath and slump down in my seat. "He knew Maleah. He knew that I was in love with Micah. Apparently, I was pretty transparent about my feelings when Micah showed up the other night. And even if he thought I didn't physically cheat on him, he still felt that I was settling for him. And he wasn't wrong. I was settling, which is not fair to Darren. He doesn't deserve that, and I don't deserve that. So I decided that it's time for me to think of me. And I say we begin by going out and having fun." I utter with a determined smile.

Maleah settles down after a moment, then nods her head in agreement. "Okay, then. What do you want to do?" I gesture to the city outside the window. "The night is young. Call Sage, and let's go somewhere fun." I should have known that Maleah would run with this because she rises up, claps her hands in excitement, and reaches for her phone.

We're about to step out of the shop when a male shadow steps in front of us. It's Micah's friend, Hunter. Maleah gives him a suspicious look and aims a can of pepper spray at his face. "If you've come to rob us, you're in the wrong place because there's nothing here for you." Hunter smiles at her threat and gives me a boyish wave. "Hey, Sophia. Micah's working late tonight, so he has asked me to give you a ride home if you need it."

Seeing that Hunter is harmless, Maleah lowers her can of pepper spray and gives him a flirty smile. "Who's this?" She asks. I gesture to Hunter and turn back to Maleah. "Hunter, this is my best friend, Maleah. Maleah, this is Micah's friend Hunter."

Hunter gives her a roguish wink and gestures to the pepper spray in her hand. "Nice one. Let me know if you ever want anything a little stronger. I can hook you up." Maleah quirks a brow in my direction. "He's cute. Do you want to take him with us? Sage said she can't make it because she's still avoiding leaving the apartment and running into a psycho." Hunter's face lights up with excitement. He reminds me of an exuberant puppy, albeit a human one. "Sure. I guess we can." I answer back.

Hunter rises on the balls of his feet and looks at us both in question. "Where are we going, ladies?" Maleah takes a step towards him and wraps an arm around his forearm. "We're going to party the night away. Are you in, pretty boy?" Hunter nods his head in agreement and points to a parked vehicle nearby. "Your chariot awaits ladies."

It doesn't take us long to go somewhere where we can have some fun. The club is on the other side of Central Park, and Hunter actually turns out to be pretty fun. We dance together a few times, take a few shots, and drink some beer. As we sit there taking down a few shots, Maleah raises her glass and says. "Here's to Sophia and being single!" Hunter takes a drink and turns to me in question. "I thought you had a boyfriend?" Maleah answers him while I shoot down another drink. "Actually, she had a boyfriend. Darren cheated on her, so she's a free woman now." Hunter scowls in response. "What? That sucks! Do you want me to kick his ass for you?" Maleah and I laugh in amusement, then take another shot. It's nice that he wants to defend my honor.

The rest of the night gets better after that. To my surprise, Maleah and Hunter end up hitting it off. And when I say hit it off, I mean they're both making out in a nearby booth.

Giving them a fake, indignant scowl, I walk towards the dance floor and begin to sway. The music vibrates through my body with every beat of the bass. One of my favorite songs, Pillow Talk by Zayn, is playing. Feeling a buzz of alcohol flowing through my bloodstream, I close my eyes and try to concentrate on the song.

Every part of me is in tune with the music until a strong male voice snaps me from my reverie. "You're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen." He says with a reverent tone. Hearing those sweet words, I open my eyes and meet the dark molten chocolate ones of a stranger. The guy isn't bad looking with his hipster beanie cap, black glasses, skinny jeans, and black Nirvana shirt. Giving me a cocky smile, he raises a hand in greeting. "I'm Braeden. Can I join you?" Looking into his heart-melting eyes, I give him a sexy nod and take his hand. "Hi Braeden, I'm Sophia, and you can definitely join me."

His smile widens as he takes my hand and lays a soft kiss on it. He's not Micah, but he's cute and available, which is exactly the kind of distraction that I need. Moving closer, I wrap my arms around his neck and press a soft kiss on his lips. His mouth quirks as he pulls me closer into his arms. He's not a bad kisser. Definitely not in league with Micah, but good. Enjoying the taste of his lips, I lean close and close my eyes. I sigh when he moves his hands down my back to explore the curves of my body. I know that this is wrong, but I can't help myself. I just want to feel something other than loneliness and abandonment right now. Feeling reckless, I tighten my arms around him and grind against him. He's the perfect distraction for my bruised heart. Unfortunately, my buzz only lasts until a sexy yet angry voice interrupts my good time.