Querencia - CH. 12

"The wounded recognized the wounded." - Nora Roberts

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The lunch was at a golf club near a huge lake. It was the kind of restaurant that you had to book two months in advance – it was not the kind of place you could get a table on impulse. Only Jack would choose something as impersonal as a golf club to lunch with on his birthday. I wondered why he had chosen to have a birthday lunch just with his fiancé, her nephew, and his son, considering he celebrated his birthday a week later with hundreds of other people. But I began to know Jack well enough to understand that he always had a reason for his actions.

I looked down at my phone that just vibrated and read Taylor's text message, telling me he was on his way and I should be there soon. It made me think back to yesterday.

I did not regret my question, it verified my assumption that Jack Cavanaugh wasn't a good man. Now, more than ever, I wanted Taylor nowhere around him. But it was better if I was there with him than if he was alone with his father.

I searched through the drawers of my wardrobe, then opened my closet that stood right next to it. In there were more elegant and chic clothing pieces. After hours of searching I found a leather skirt and a black off-the-shoulder top-with long sleeves. Both fitted perfectly. I decided to clip one side of my hair back, and it looked surprisingly good. I realized that my hair grew quite long; it ended at the middle of my breasts in loose waves. I naturally had lighter blonde hair, but I decided to dye the top part of my hair in a caramel blonde shade. Stupid idea. I loved my lighter blonde hair. But I bet on something and lost. That happened every time I bet on something. I always lost. Especially if the person I bet with was Veronica.

"I'm out mum!", I shouted, and hoped my mum heard it, "when are you going to be back?", she shouted from somewhere.

"I'm not sure. I'll text you," I replied and ran down the stairs. I was late again, "please make sure that you finish going over the guest list until tomorrow," my mum called after me.

"I will," I just replied and closed the door behind me.

"Wow. You cleaned up", Taylor greeted me.

"Pretty decent for someone with such a dirty business. Maybe you'll go and work for law administration after all," I replied and noticed a slight smile on his face.

Taylor looked good. He wore one of his white shirts, brown shoes and a simple black jean. The white of his shirt was almost a contrast to his deep, dark eyes. It made me lose myself even more in them.

"They're in already," Taylor's expression was serious when he said these words, "Alec is a jerk. I know you don't really respect the people inside there, but I want this to work," he added, and I shook my head as a sign of understanding.

I knew he didn't meant me acting different, I knew he meant me not screaming or shouting at his father or his fiancée. He wanted a calm lunch, without any feuds, where he was able to talk some things through with his father. I understood that.

"It's fine Taylor," I went through my hair one last time, "I'll be quiet."

The restaurant was crowded. I looked around at the busy tables - a group of younger women in their twenties said in the front, giggling as they raised their wine glasses. An old couple eating side by side, bending over their meals sat a couple tables further away. Businessmen in their sharp suits and serious looks sat near the end of the restaurant. Tourists, trying to decrypt the menu spread themselves around the whole restaurant. Nevertheless, I spotted our table within seconds; I would never be able to forget Jack's sharp green eyes. It was the very last table in the back of the restaurant on the window side. The window was small, but big enough to see some of the golf players swinging their wedge. Both sides of the table consisted of three chairs, Jack and his fiancée sat on the left side, Alec alone on the right. The window seat on the right was stuffed with bags and red-wrapping paper presents. We approached the table and greeted everyone, and I realized a guy's eyes on me.

Alec was handsome. His dark blonde hair was short, the dark eyes opened widely. When he saw me, he smiled. He was really, really handsome. Olivia's family surely had a good gene pole.

"Come on, you can sit next to your father," Olivia interrupted my thoughts, stood up and sat herself on the last chair on the left side across from her nephew. Taylor took the middle chair on the left. The only free chair was the one next to Alec, across from Taylor.

"I'm Melea," I introduced myself to him as I sat down next to him, "It's nice meeting you, beautiful. I'm Alec," he said, looking me deeply in the eyes. He was a bit too confident for my taste.

"Taylor, did I tell you about the internship in the mayor's office?", Jack started a conversation. Taylor denied. I rolled my eyes. Of course, he wanted to talk with his son about an internship, rather than anything personal.

Jack quickly began to start talking about business. He commenced talking about how this internship could lead him to a career as a deputy or worker in the mayor office. I was already lost in my own thoughts, when suddenly, I felt a hand resting on my naked lap. I looked to my right and found Alec smiling. I looked down on my legs and realized that my skirt was a bit pulled up when I sat down, and now, Alec's hand was right on my left leg. I opened my mouth to say some things I would probably regret the minute after, but closed it again. I promised Taylor I would keep my mouth shut. His hand was just on my leg. Nothing else. I kept quiet.

The waiter came and we ordered. Somehow, Jack was way nicer today; he hadn't called Taylor any names, he didn't interrupt him and let him speak, and except for a couple dead stares, he was friendly to me. Something was off with Jack today. Even when our orders arrived, mine being the only vegetarian one, Jack did not comment on it. He just gave me a long creepy stare.

Alec's hand kept on being on my leg the throughout the whole lunch. Multiple times, I wanted to tell him off, but every time I reminded myself of the promise I made to Taylor. His hand resting on my lap wasn't comforting or familiar; it was just uncomfortable. It made me nervous.

The only thing keeping me from leaving was Taylor's smile. I knew he always smiled, but I was able to tell when his smile was genuine and when it was not. He was here, next to his father, and even though they may not talked about Taylor's personal interests or anything relevant to him, they were able to have a throughout conversation. Like a father and a son. Any man could be a father, but it took someone special to be a dad. And I knew how much that meant to him.

Alec's hand suddenly moved up. Not much, but a bit. I tried to show him with pulling my skirt down that I wanted him to leave me alone. I wasn't sure if he was just stupid or he genuinely didn't care, but he kept on grabbing my leg again and again. I swallowed. Just a couple more minutes and this lunch would be over. I had to do this for Taylor.

"How are you planning on paying, sir?"

"I'll pay with card," Jack answered.

While saying that, I looked around. The restaurant had been so busy when we arrived, but now it seemed empty. The women with the wine glasses were gone, as well as the old couple I had seen before. Even most of the businessmen stood up and left the restaurant. The time had passed fairly fast.

"I am sorry to disturb you, but we are unable to bring our EE device to your table. You have to come to the front desk to pay sir," said the waiter. Jack sighed, took his card out and stood up.

"Are you coming?", he asked Olivia, who stood up and followed him and the waiter. Quickly, they disappeared and I wasn't able to see them anymore. Their image vanished when they went around a right corner. The one table that still had been occupied by other guests was now empty too. The last guest wiped away something on his mouth with the cream-coloured Serviette, then stood up and followed his colleagues. I wiped impatiently with my chair. We were all alone.

Alec's hand was still resting on my lap. When his aunt and Jack stood up, he moved it up even further. I swallowed.

"I don't think this lunch will still take long," Taylor said to me, and I used up all of my self-control to not scream at Alec to put his hand down.

"We should leave in 5. Will you drive with me or is an Uber coming to pick you up?", he added, Alec's cold hand on my lap still driving me crazy, "Um, I'm driving with you," I replied and tried to shove his hand down again. Anger began to suffuse my body, when Alec put his hand further up. He was way too close.

"Ok. Do you want...", he commenced an answer, but was interrupted by the sound of someone calling. He looked at his phone screen, then back at me, "do you mind if I take this?"

I clenched my lips together, "no, it's fine take it."

He smiled, accepted the call and stood up. With his back turned to our table, he walked away way too far for my taste.

"We're all alone now," Alec whispered in my ear and I shivered.

I pushed him away from me, but he was stronger. He pulled up my skirt, piece by piece, his hand running all over my thighs. I guess, I was a little too trusty. I was around people I knew, people I thought I could trust, but no.

I tried to push his arms away, but he was just too strong. I wasn't used to this. I was used to being the stronger one. But this time, it was different. It felt like I was paralyzed. And I couldn't move a muscle.

"I kept quiet because I wanted this lunch to peaceful, but please, Alec, stop," I tried to explain to him, and in my voice was not only anger – there was effusive fear.

He just smiled, "you try playing hard to get? You don't have to, I already want you," he whispered and I shivered even more. I tried to push him away again but it did not work. He pushed my hair away and placed a small kiss on my neck. His hands moving even further up.

"Please stop!", my voice was trembled, my hands were shaking. He continued placing small kisses along my neck. I tried to move but he wouldn't let me. This should've been my choice but it was made for me.

"Stop!"

In the exact moment, Taylor turned around.

He looked at Alec, then at me. His torn eyes looking at Alec's hands on my thighs, then on his face buried in my neck. Our eyes met. My eyes were reflected in his. Such fearful eyes.

Taylor dropped his phone and shouted, "she said stop!"

I'd never seen Taylor so angry in my life before. He rushed to the table, pushed the chair away and stood in front of Alec in a split of a second. I felt the tension between the two and heard the sensitivity in his voice. There were massive emotions behind the words he was saying. He grabbed Alec on his shoulders, dashed him away from me against the wall.

Taylor's eyes twitched. His breath was irregular and heavy. His whole body trembled. His teeth were clenched. His arms, with which he still pushed Alec against the wall, were completely strained.

Suddenly, Alec looked so small compared to Taylor; they were both quite muscular and tall. But Taylor looked so much more massive than Alec, that he now looked like a little boy.

"If you'll ever touch her again, I can't promise for anything," he screamed at Alec, and his voice was full of digust.

"This is none of your business. You're not her boyfriend," Alec hissed, which earned him another shove against the wall, "how would you know?", Taylor bellowed, and every vein of his arm pulsated. Alec grinned suddenly, but then hissed, "if she'd be your girlfriend, you wouldn't keep your hands off her. At least that's what I would do if she'd be mine."

I heard a crack. Taylor's fist buried itself into Alec's face. He tried to defend himself but Taylor was stronger without a doubt. He earned a couple punches, but Taylor beat him up with such a sheer rage that he had no real chance.

"Please, Taylor stop!", I screamed, and gripped his arm, trying to push take him away from Alec, but he didn't listen. With all of my strength, I tightened my grip, but I was just too weak.

It seemed like Taylor did not follow any rules when it came to fighting; I wasn't sure if I'd be able to stop him at some point.

"Dude, calm down. She wanted it!"

That was the point where Taylor entirely lost it. I heard another crack and blood streamed out of Alec's nose. He held his nose, to stop the red-brownish liquid to further spill over his shirt. Multiple times, I screamed they should stop, but Taylor did not listen. Without a doubt, he was blinded by so much anger that streamed through his veins, that he wasn't able to do anything else than to bash Alec, again and again. A small tear streamed down my face, when I screamed that he should stop; a numerous amount of times I tried pulling him away, to get him to stop, but he never did.

Security men came rushing to our table, two taking Taylor, two other's Alec, who was still holding his nose. Taylor was furious; his hair was a mess, his arms were more than tense, his eyes full of anger.

"Don't you dare touching her again!", he shouted, his every vein of his arms pulsing when he tried to free himself from the security men.

"Try me!", Alec shouted back.

They put both of their arms back, as Taylor raged out to throw another punch at Alec on his cheek. The security men quickly grabbed him and pulled him back from Alec.

The two security guards that took Alec directed him to the back door. There were a few people outside, looking shocked, but did not dare to come in and help.

"If you'll ever touch her again, I'll kill you!", Taylor screamed. Alec turned, looking frightened, and then, the door was closed.

Immediately after the door was closed, Taylor relaxed. His angry eyes turned to anxious ones, his tense muscles loosened themselves. He turned his head to mine.

He slowly explained to the security men what happened. They let him go.

I just nodded.

I wasn't able to do much more. I felt paralyzed.

My body felt like it wasn't mine anymore. My mind and my body weren't one. I looked down at me, and the only feeling that aroused was disgust. I looked down at my thighs, I brushed with my hands over my neck. In my head, Alec was still there, his lips on my neck, his hands on my thighs. I felt nauseous.

The feeling of disgust was about to take over my mind, when Taylor rushed to me. He pushed the security men aside and wrapped his arms around me. I closed mine behind his back. We just stood there, hugging each other for a couple minutes. He comforted me silently. The way I did when he was younger. I always thought I was someone who had to let everything out to be able to gain reassurance. I was a closed off person. Just like Taylor. But in these minutes, in which he just held me, he gave me strength. The feeling of disgust vanished and was replaced by madness. The feeling of the responsibility being mine was taken away, as I realized it was Alec's mistake. These couple minutes helped me regain my strength and gave me the feeling of being safe in his arms. Everything in my field of vision vanished. My body began to feel like my body again. The feeling of disgust was gone.

The security men were still watching us standing there. I buried my face in his chest and he started whispering something into my ear, "I'm here."

"I know," I whispered back.

He probably thought I was scared of him now, and maybe, I should've been. The image of him, blinded by anger, played cruel games with my mind. But he rescued me. He was the one that buried the pain inside of me, the only thing that felt like home at the moment. I wasn't anxious. His arms were my safe place.

He leaned forward again and pushed my hair back, "the thought of him touching you...", he did not end the sentence. In his voice was such frustration that I wrapped my arms closer around him. He was the one needing reassurance now.

"I know."

We sat in the car. Jack gave us his driver and Olivia asked Taylor to bring me home. The viewing guard was put down. Jack and Olivia came back a couple minutes after the incident had happened. The security men explained the situation to them, and I now knew how Olivia looked when she was speechless. She kept on apologizing to me, and even though I really appreciated her taking care of the situation, it was not her fault in any way. She explained to me that Alec wasn't the same since his mother left town, and that he was high most of the time. She empathized again and again that it wouldn't make up for anything, but it would may help me to understand him better. Jack did not seem to care. He apologized, but sounded the same as before; the father, that seemed to care about his son was gone, and the one who didn't waste a thought on him was back. They asked me if I wanted to report him, but I said no. I've learned the last few years that I should fight my own battles.

We didn't talk, we just sat there. Taylor looked at me from time to time, but I looked out of the window. His eyes were scanning me. He wanted to make sure I was okay. And I did not know how he did it, but I was fine. There was no pain, no disgust, no fear. I felt comfortable. Today had been quite exhausting, but other than that, I felt safe. I always craved for safety - it was like I needed it to feel home at a place, in order to not hide parts of me. I felt home; here, in his family car, one window down, the air refreshing my face, his body next to mine. It was all new, yet so familiar.

"The thought of him touching you...", he whispered, probably more to himself than to me, while brushing over my neck. He never ended the sentence. I wasn't quite sure what he meant by that, but I could guess. His words replayed in my head over and over again.

The thought of him touching you.

He kept on whispering that sentence. It seemed like a Mantra to him; he kept repeating the sentence over and over again, while brushing over my neck, as if he wasn't able to do much else. He began repeating it faster and faster, as if he fought a battle with himself. His voice cracked while doing so, and he kept on repeating "the thought of him touching you. The thought of him touching her," his eyes teared open. There were scenarios in his head I'd never imagined happening, but they made him loose his mind. The thought of Alec touching me made him sick. I realized he panicked. His hands were still brushing over my neck, over and over again. His whole body was shacking.

"Tay, Tay," I whispered multiple times, but he was in his own world. It was like he shut me out, like his mind was a puzzle and he wasn't giving me a single piece of the bigger picture.

"Tay," I kept repeating my nickname for him, way louder than before, but he wasn't responding. I felt like I was losing him.

"Tay!", I now shouted, taking his hands from my neck and putting my hands around his, to turn his eyes to mine.

"I'm here. It's not real."

Silence. The car, that had been filled by Taylor's heavy breathing for the last couple of minutes was quiet. His body was still, his eyes still teared opened, but soothed. He just looked at me for a moment.

"I'm here. He isn't."

"I know," he responded, and I laid down on his shoulder. He took his left arm, holding me.

"You're always there," he whispered into my ear, and I buried my head into his chest. Into my home.

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Querencia - a place from which one's strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self.