Chapter 13

Over the next few months, Renee was completely exhausted. She was up all night with Christian. She would get a few hours of sleep in between feedings, but then he would wake up again. It surprised her when Jesse got up in the middle of the night and changed him. He would bring him over to her after he was done as he couldn’t feed him. He had offered several times to get formula but Renee refused to give Christian formula.

Jesse had been really sweet like a real husband would be towards his wife. He kissed her goodbye before he left for work. He kissed her when he came home. He would bring her flowers occasionally. He never locked the doors when he left anymore. He had helped clean up the house and take care of Christian even though he was tired from work. Sometimes he even gave her a break and let her take a little nap while he watched Christian. Renee didn’t complain. She didn’t even bother to go lay down. She would just lay back on the couch and pass out.

Today they were heading to Christian’s checkup. Afterward, she had an appointment to get checked. She was going to talk to the doctor about being put on birth control. She definitely didn’t want any more children. She had gotten lucky that Christian was Kevin’s baby. Of course, Jesse didn’t know that and she didn’t plan on letting him find out. She wasn’t sure what had gotten into him, but she wasn’t going to complain as he was being nice and not hitting her or sexually abusing her.

She knew once the doctor released her to have a normal sex life again that it would start back up so she was at least going to protect herself from having his kids. She wouldn’t fight him when it came to sex because it just hurt too much. Maybe if she just laid there, he would lose interest. That hadn’t worked for her before as it had normally just made him more aggressive. Then again, he hadn’t been acting like he was now.

“What are you thinking about?” Jesse asked, taking Renee off guard.

“Birth control,” Renee answered.

“What?” Jesse asked.

“I want the doctor to put me on birth control. I don’t want any more kids,” Renee answered honestly.

She looked at Jesse out of the corner of her eye to see if he was angry but his expression was thoughtful. Maybe he didn’t want kids in the first place? He had said he had only wanted a sex slave since he was on the run. Having a bunch of kids would definitely be a burden if he had to pack up and run again.

“If you are thinking about birth control, then that means you are thinking about having sex,” Jesse suddenly said as he grinned.

Renee frowned as she said, “That wasn’t exactly what I was thinking about when I mentioned it. I said I didn’t want more kids.”

“You have to have sex to have more kids.”

“That’s true and you have made it clear before that no matter what I want you are going to have sex with me.”

Jesse sighed and said, “Haven’t I been nice to you lately?”

“You’ve been nicer than you were, but at what cost? Are you just waiting until I heal up from having Christian before you force yourself back on me? I’m not really sure why you are being nice.”

“I like you. You are the mother of my son. I’ve already told you that you belong to me now, so we might as well get along. I can be a nice guy. Would you rather me continue to treat you the way I am now or go back to the way I was before?”

“I’d rather you stay this way, but you can’t actually expect me to develop feelings for you. This isn’t a real relationship. I’m your prisoner. I know it pisses you off when I say it, but it’s true. All I can do is pretend in public and try to be nice at the house.”

“Being nice at the house is a good start. You might just find that after some time, your feelings will change.”

Had he lost his mind? Her feelings were not going to change. She was tolerating him so that he didn’t go crazy and do something insane like kill her, Christian, or Kevin. Her heart ached every time she thought about Kevin. Had he given up on her? Was he going to move on with his life without her? Even though it broke her heart, she hoped he would move on and find someone else to love. It wasn’t fair to him to live alone because she was no longer in his life.

He couldn’t go on wondering if she was dead or alive and waiting for her to come back when she never would. She prayed that he found someone to make him happy even though she would never be happy. Her eyes filled with tears as she thought about him loving someone else. She turned her face towards the window so Jesse didn’t see that she was about to cry.

They took Christian into his appointment and the doctor said he was looking really good. His weight looked good and he was developing normally. Jesse took her to her appointment and they all went in. The doctor did his pelvic exam while Jesse was in the room and Renee couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. Jesse watched everything the doctor did and watched her face. Was he trying to see if she was enjoying it?

If he had ever had a pelvic exam then he would know that it was not enjoyable in the least. Once the doctor had told her that everything looked fine and she was completely healed, they discussed birth control. He set her up for an implant in her arm. At least it wasn’t pills. Renee had never been good at keeping track of pills. The doctor had told them to use condoms until she had the implant in and it had time to take effect.

He also told her that the scarring that had been there was minimal now and that they should continue to stay away from the items they had been using before. He had looked right at Jesse when he had said it. Jesse’s face hadn’t changed. He hadn’t even blinked. The doctor had to suspect something or he wouldn’t have kept bringing it up, but Renee never spoke up about the rape out of fear. Jesse had been good about covering his tracks. Not once but twice. He would be able to do it again and who knew what he would do the third time with nothing to lose.