Chapter 14

Later that night, Jesse took her by surprise when he made dinner for them. He had her relax as he cooked. When he called her into the kitchen, there was a candle on the table and it was set with their food already on the plates. Renee’s eyebrows shot up as she saw this. Jesse pulled out a chair and waved at it. She slowly moved towards it, but stopped short, wondering what he was planning. She looked at the chair and then up at him, but he just raised an eyebrow, obviously waiting on her to sit down. She slowly sat down and he pushed the chair up to the table. He sat in the other chair and poured some wine in a cup for her.

“You know I can’t drink wine. I’m breastfeeding.”

“You can have a glass. You just have to pump before you feed again. You have some stored for when you go out with Christian. I can feed him next go-round,” Jesse said as he smiled at her.

“At the risk of pissing you off and winding up getting hurt because of it, why are you doing this?” Renee asked.

“I told you already. I like you. I’m making an effort to be nice. I listen more than you think I do. And you told me something months ago that I heard. You seem to be responding well to me being like this.”

Renee sat back in the chair, shocked. Was he talking about catching bees with honey over vinegar? Was he actually trying to catch her? It had been a little over a year since he kidnapped her and she still cringed at his touch. She still hated it when he kissed her or hugged her. She felt like she was being suffocated when he wrapped her up in his arms and fell asleep. These were all things she had done with Kevin, but she had loved Kevin. She had been in a relationship with Kevin. She wasn’t in a relationship with Jesse and there was no way she was ever going to love him. How could he think she would even like him, let alone love him? For the better part of the year that he had her, he had beat on her and raped her! Being nice now wasn’t changing that fact.

“What do you mean by you like me? I’ve done nothing but be a bitch to you. I’ve fought you tooth and nail on everything. I’ve only been complacent because I don’t want you to go back and harm Kevin or to harm Christian. I told you before that I would never develop feelings for you. I can’t care for someone who has beaten and raped me. That will always be there no matter what you do now or in the future. Do you not understand that?”

Jesse felt anger well up inside of him. He hid it so she didn’t see it on his face. He had been trying really hard to be nice so she would come around. He knew what he had done, but he had been trying to make up for it. Why didn’t she see that? He liked her. He liked the way she cared for Christian, how she loved him. Even when she was just pregnant with him, he could see how much she loved him. He loved the way she cared for the flowers. She put so much love and care into everything she did. There was just something about her that struck him and he wanted her to look at him that way. He wanted her to put that much love and care into him.

“I like you. I can’t believe you don’t know what I mean by that. I like you like a man who likes a woman. I have watched you everyday for over a year. At first, it was the fact that you did defy me at every turn. It pissed me off but turned me on. Then, when you found out you were pregnant, it was the way you looked at your stomach and talked to it. It was the love on your face when you thought about Christian or talked to him in your belly. It was the way you took care of the damn flowers. I want you to look at me that way! I know what I did, damnit! I know I was a bastard and nothing I do will ever change the fact that I did it, but you won’t even try to let me make up for it!” Jesse shouted as he pushed back from the table and stormed outside.

Renee sighed as she closed her eyes. What was she supposed to do? Just forget that she was this man’s prisoner? Was she just supposed to forget the fact that he had tormented her by beating and raping her?Was she supposed to forget that he would not allow her to leave and be with the man she loved? If she didn’t try to bring peace now, would she pay for this later? She rubbed her temples, trying to stop the headache that was forming.

She stood up and walked over to the door, staying just inside the doorframe. Jesse had his hands on the rails and his face towards the sky. It had started to rain and he was just standing in it. She didn’t want to go back to the old Jesse who tormented her. Could she find it in herself to have a relationship with him? She tried to step outside of herself and really look at him as a woman would who hadn’t been abused by him.

Jesse was tall. He was muscular but not too much, sort of lean. His jet black hair almost looked like a raven’s feathers when the sunlight hit it. It really was gorgeous. His gray-blue eyes were beautiful to look at. She knew his lips were full but just enough to be deliciously kissable. The man really was extremely attractive. His tattoos gave him a bad boy look about him. If he treated a woman the way he had been treating her for months now, then it would be highly likely that she would have had a relationship with him.

But, she couldn’t get past the fact of what he had done, and the fact that she was his prisoner. Or the fact that she was in love with Kevin and always would be. But, at the same time, she had to make the best of her life now because it wasn’t going to change. Jesse had already told her that she belonged to him and she wasn’t going anywhere. She knew in her heart that she would never love him, but could she find it in herself to at least like him? If she had a normal relationship with him, would he allow her to have a normal life? One where she could go out by herself and have friends, maybe even a job?

Renee shivered as she walked out into the cold rain. How could he stand out in the cold like this? It was cold as hell outside and raining too. She walked up to him and slipped under his arm so she was standing in front of him. He looked down at her and she saw a sadness in his eyes. She was taken aback that she had actually hurt him. She never intentionally hurt people. She wrapped her arms around him and placed her head on his chest. All she could do was try to make her life work the way it was now since it was never going to change even though it broke her heart.

Jesse wrapped his arms around her and he felt her shivering. He wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or because she was close to him. He walked her back into the house, closing the door behind them. He took them into the bedroom and started to take off her wet clothes. He hadn’t touched her in a long time. His body had ached to claims hers but he hadn’t. Now, he found his hands touched her body with each piece of clothing he discarded.

Renee stood there and let Jesse touch her. She had already decided that she wouldn’t fight him. She closed her eyes and tried to fight the urge to tense up or cringe away from his touch. She felt Jesse’s hands stop on her hips and stay there. She slowly opened her eyes and looked at him. He was watching her face. She lowered her eyes, not able to look him straight in the eye.