Chapter 29

“Christian is going to be fine, Renee. Don’t worry. Tonight is about having a good time with no worries.”

“Easy for you to say. A mother never stops worrying about her kids, no matter how old they are. I’ve never been away from him. This is harder than I thought it would be,” Renee said as she sighed.

“I’ll let you call Nancy twice tonight to check in on him. Other than that, at least try to have a good time.”

“I’ll try,” Renee said as they pulled off.

Renee was quiet as Jesse drove them to a nice restaurant. She wondered if she could have a good time knowing that she was out with Jesse. She had felt nothing for so long that she wasn’t sure she could feel anything anymore. She hadn’t even been truly happy when she was with Christian. She had faked her way through the days and by the end of it, she was always exhausted. Jesse had been playing the nice card for a while now, but she knew it wouldn’t last. He always lost his temper and took it out on her when he did. It was just a matter of time and she knew it.

It seemed like the max he could go was six months and he was hitting that time frame now. And here they were, going out and she was all dressed up. She wondered what was going to happen tonight to set him off. And how bad was it going to be when they got back home? She shuddered as that thought ran through her mind. She tried to relax her body as Jesse came around and opened her door. He helped her out and she tried her best not to jerk away from him. She wasn’t going to give him any reason to be abusive.

When they walked into the restaurant, Renee gasped. It was gorgeous. There were tables that were set with stained glass. The windows were also stained glass with pictures of flowers and angels. There were little vases with flowers in them on the tables. The Maitre D sat them at a table in the corner and Jesse pulled her chair out for her. Renee sat and just looked at everything, taking it in. This was a pricey place and she knew it before she even saw the menus.

“This place is beautiful,” Renee said.

“Yes, it is,” Jesse said.

Renee noticed he wasn’t looking at the restaurant but directly at her when he said it. She found herself blushing. What was happening to her today? She had felt bad for Jesse earlier and then had felt a twinge of something when he said he had been talking to a woman. And now, she was blushing because of a compliment. She was losing her mind. When the waiter came over, Jesse ordered a bottle of wine. Renee was no longer breastfeeding so she was able to drink wine without worrying about it.

“Do you see anything on the menu that you would like?”

“Um, it’s all really expensive. I think I’m just going to get a salad.”

“Nonsense. I brought you here knowing what the cost would be. I’m not worried about what the total is. Order whatever you want, or I can order for you. Whatever you’d like.”

Renee bit her lip and looked over the menu again. She finally picked out a steak with baked potato and a salad. She took a sip of her wine and peeked at Jesse as he was looking at the menu. Something was different about him since they had their fight earlier. He seemed more relaxed. He was definitely more affectionate today than he had ever been. She had never believed him when he told her that he loved her. How can you love someone and terrorize them at the same time?

When the waiter came, Jesse let her order her food first, and then he ordered his. He watched Renee and saw her take a peek at him every now and then. She had a look of confusion on her face and he wondered what she was thinking about. Did he dare ask? Did he really want to know at this point? He decided he did.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Jesse said as he brushed his fingertips over the top of her hand.

“Have you ever been on a date before?”

Jesse leaned back and a smirk crossed his face. Actually, he hadn’t. He would meet a girl, fuck them, and move on. He had never intended on getting serious with anyone. He hadn’t intended on taking Renee and keeping her. His only thought at the time was to hurt Kevin by forcing himself on his woman. Then, when he saw how badly it had hurt Kevin, he had taken Renee to further hurt him. He had fully intended on killing her eventually, but then she had gotten pregnant.

Having kids was one thing Jesse had sworn he would never do. He didn’t want to be like his father in any way, but when he found out Renee was pregnant, his heart was overjoyed. He had decided right then and there to be a better father than his own. He wouldn’t let anything bad happen to his own kid. Unfortunately, he was still like his father in some regards. He had to work on that so his son didn’t see things that he shouldn’t. Renee was adamant he wasn’t going to teach Christian to treat a woman like that and he didn’t want Christian to either. So, he was slowly working on his temper.

“Honestly, no. I told you that I don’t date women. I have sex with them and that’s it. I never saw the point of dating one when I could just have some fun and leave. I didn’t want a relationship with anyone so it worked for me.”

“Then why are you doing all of this?” Renee asked as she waved her hand towards the restaurant and herself.

“Do you really want to know? If so, we will talk later. This isn’t the place for this conversation and you know why.”

“Yes, I want to know, but I don’t want to wait until later. You don’t have to go into specifics. Do you consider this a date?”

“Yeah, I consider it a date.”

“Then, talk. People get to know each other when they go on dates. That’s how it works. You ask someone out and you two go and get to know each other better.”

“Fine,” Jesse said as he lowered his voice. “I wasn’t planning on keeping you. I was eventually going to get rid of you, but then you found out you were pregnant. I wasn’t going to get rid of my own child, so I kept you. I liked your defiance at first, but I knew that wouldn’t last long enough to keep my interest. But, then I saw the way you were with the flowers and how you cared about them. I saw the way you were with Christian while he was still growing inside of you. It hit me that I wanted that, too. I wanted someone to look at me that way and care about me the way you did those stupid flowers. I’d never had that before. I mean, Billy loved me and cared about me, but that was different.”

“So, you just decided to try to make me like you since you wanted someone to like you?”

“No, not exactly. I liked you, the real you. I liked the way you were and how you cared. I liked the fact that no matter what I did, you didn’t break. You were strong and still caring. I still like all of those things. I love all of that about you. It took me off guard, too, when I came to realize I liked you. That was something that I wasn’t expecting. So, when I felt that I loved you, I didn’t know how to handle it. I tried to get rid of that feeling because I didn’t want to love a woman. It was already too much that I liked you in the sense that I wanted to date you. But, the more I tried to get rid of the feeling, the more I hurt you in the long run. So, eventually, I just stopped fighting it.”