I Love You

I waited impatiently for him at the bleachers and as he got near I asked "And?"

Josh raised his hands in the air with a piece a paper and I smiled "You got in?"

He nodded his head I jumped on the grass to run a little closer to him. I jumped on him and hugged him very tight.

"I KNEW IT!" I shouted as I got down.

He did a small funny dance and said "I know. I'm the best."

I held his hand and he said "I already have a game tomorrow."

"Really?! How do you feel though?" I asked as we got into Starbucks to get some frappuccino for ourselves.

Josh sighed and said "I'm happy that I'm doing this. Then I thought about actually taking this serious but we'll see."

I said "I'm going to visit my aunt for a few days just to see how she's doing and if she needs anything."

Josh said "I would go with you but I have to train for our upcoming games."

"Ah, don't worry about it. I'll be back soon." I said as I cleaned my lips with a napkin.

He sighed and asked "When will you leave?"

"I have to leave tonight. My parents called me while I waited for your results." I informed him.

He pouted and said "I hope she's doing so much better. I hope you don't miss me like I'll miss you."

We left to a tattoo shop afterwards and he asked "Are you sure?"

"You getting scared?" I smirked.

"Let's do it!" He said as he took a seat.

"You'll be the sun and I'll be the moon." I informed him.

"Why am I the sun?" He asked smiling.

"You make everything shine and bloom." I said admiring him again.

He laughed and said "You'll be the moon cause you inspire us all with so much light."

I blushed to his words and the pain of the tattoo that was now on my arm.

Josh said "Let's go to the cliff and just feel the breeze."

I asked him "Are you feeling stressed already?"

He nodded his head sideways and said "I'm just missing you already and I'm going to show you where I'll be when you're gone."

"You're so cheesy! Oh my! I love you, JOSH!" I shouted in the air.

"YEAH! DO THAT WHEN WE GET THERE!" He shouted as we drove to the cliff.

I had to stay with my aunt for about two weeks and she was in love with the idea of keeping me there for life. I loved helping but my life was back in my hometown. I began to feel homesick and that was the reason she was setting me free. My phone never seemed to have signal and it was driving me crazy. I got home and put my things down. I rushed out the house and headed towards Josh's house in my car. I wanted to get there soon as possible. I was so nervous to see him but scared he may not be home. I didn't call him because I wanted it to be a surprise. I parked the car and his parents weren't there. I guess they were out again. I made it to the door and ringed the door bell. The third time I was about to turn and walk away. However, the door opened and a very unhealthy Josh opened the door.

"Josh! What's wrong with you?!" I yelled because I was so scared and worried.

He fell in my arms and I tried really hard to catch him.

"You're burning up!" I kind of shouted as I didn't understand anything.

He hugged my arm and he stuttered "I-i don't feel g-good."

"Get up. I'll take you to the hospital." I said trying to get him off the floor but he stopped me.

"Before, we go. I just want to say I love you." He said looking at me trying really hard to give me a smile.

I said "What are you doing?! Josh get up. Your body needs medicine."

He got up slowly and held his stomach. I gulped and opened the door to my car. He was some how very heavy but I still managed to get him inside. I drove out of the neighborhood and he softly said "Alot has changed."

I gave him water bottle and as he drinked it, his hand shaked. My heart shattered in pieces and I asked "What hurts?"

He tried to laugh but his stomach just seemed to give him some trouble.

"Your stomach hurts?" I asked kind of frustrated as I began to see construction on the road.

Josh said "I told you alot has changed."

I said "You have to be kidding me! Look at all this traffic! This is freakin ridiculous! People could probably die right now and they only have one line open."

That seemed to make Josh laugh a little and he said "You look cute when your mad."

I squinted my eyes at him playfully and said "You think everything I do is cute."

He leaned back in his seat and said "I do."

I began to see him feel better and I began myself to losen up a little bit.

I turned the car around and made my way to a tollway. We began to advance but there was a very bad accident towards the end.

"This is impossible." I whispered but he heard me.

Josh asked "Could you turn on the radio?"

I looked back at him crazy and asked "Your sick and all you can think about is music?"

He let out a laugh come out but he held his stomach. "Yes, I love music." He said as his eyes looked watery.

"Was he in pain and didn't want to worry me?" I asked myself.

I turned the car around and he said "Don't go the other highway because they closed it for like two months."

"What?! I can't believe this!" I shouted getting very mad and feeling trapped.

"We're going to have to travel through the city in order to get you to a doctor." I said informing him.

Josh closed his eyes for awhile and opened them up again. "Honestly, I feel so much better."

I couldn't believe what he was saying but he did look much better.

"I don't care. I'm still taking you." I said determined.

He nodded his head and said "That's fine but could we sing our lungs out?"

I couldn't help but laugh at how he looked like he could vomit any minute but he still had energy to sing. I didn't know who was crazier me for listening to him or him for even asking. I turned up the radio and we began to sing our lungs out to the music. He sang them so many times that I even learned the lyrics to them now. It seemed like it took me a few hours to get to the hospital but in reality it was 45 minutes. I quickly parked the car and went around to help him out. He put his arm around my shoulders and I put arm around him to sustain him better.

He winced in pain and I said "We just need to pass the doors so you can get help."

Josh said "Wren, I feel good."

I sighed and said "Stop lying."

Josh said "I'm serious. I don't know why but I feel myself getting my energy."

I got goosebumps as I knew why and there was only one answer to that. I wasn't going to tell him either as I wanted to keep our faiths and hopes up.

"Help me!" I shouted as we passed the entrance doors.

A nurse got a wheelchair and Josh sat on it. Paper work was given to him to fill out but he was in no position to do it. I did it for him as he called his parents. I felt myself not being able to concentrate anymore when he called them. I knew this was very serious and I was very terrified. I gave the nurse the paper work.

"Why are they taking forever to come get you?!" I said very frustrated and angry.

Josh chuckled a little and said "Cause I feel better. To be honest I think I feel better because you're here with me."

I said "I was feeling so homesick that I just had to come back and my phone wasn't even working most of the time."

"I know." He said holding my hand.

My eyes widen and said "You still have a high fever.

He looked surprised as he said "I don't feel anything."

He didn't even feel that he was burning up and I think my head was going to blow up any minute.

Josh rubbed my hand and said "Wren, calm down. I feel fine."

"I don't think your fine." I said very serious.

He gasped and asked "You don't love me?!"

I held both of his hands and said "I love you so much that I cherish your life more than mine."

"I love you." He softly said before blacking out.

"Nurse!" I yelled as I kept wiggling his hand to wake up but it was no use.

I looked at the time, it was 5 P.M. and I had driven almost all day. I didn't even know if I was tired anymore. 30 minutes pasted by and the nurse came out.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Are you his family member?" She asked.

I immediately said "I'm his girlfriend. His parents should be here soon."

She said "He is very dehydrated and we are trying to find out why he's very ill. The doctor will come out later to tell you more news."

I waited for his parents to arrive and they did about an hour later.

"What happened?" His mother asked me.

The doctor came out and said "Family members of Josh."

"Yes!" We all responded.

His sighed and said "Josh is very critical and we are trying to find out what is the cause of him being so ill. It shows he hasn't ate in days or drinked any beverage until now. Seems like he's been having a stomachache for awhile now. I think he has a very serious bacteria in his stomach that we won't be able to save him from. We are trying our very best but his state is to bad."

I held my chest and took a seat. "What just happened?" I thought.

Josh's mom looked really sick now and his dad asked "What kind of bacterial infection? Where did he get it from?"

The doctor said "Maybe a vegetable or some kind of meat. Honestly, bacterial infection can come from any bad food."

His mom asked "But he can live right?"

The doctor said "He's in between right now. Maybe, tomorrow we can get a better response to our treatments."

He left and I tried not to cry because he wasn't dead. He was just inside chilling in bed and waiting for us.

The nurse came out and said "Only the parents will be able to stay with him tonight in the room to look over him."

I nodded my head and continued to wait.

Josh's mom said "When he wakes up I'm sure he'll want to see you. Just wait until we can go in to see him."

It was now 10 P.M. and his parents already had been in Josh's room for awhile. The doctor came out and said "You can visit for only a few minutes. I'm really sorry, though."

I said "I understand."

The doctor said before leaving "Josh can no longer move or speak but he can hear you."

"Will he die?" I asked trying not to lose myself.

He responded "Honestly, at this point how he can't move or speak is a bad sign but he can live. Let's wait until tomorrow to see how he feels."

I went into his room and his mom was crying. Josh had his eyes open but my voice cracked once "J-jos-h" slipped out. He turned his head quickly and tried to sit up. I rushed to him and said "No, don't! Please, don't move. Just stay still."

He was breathing at a fast pace that it scared me and he tried to say something but nothing came out. Tears began to fall down his cheeks and I whispered "Please, don't do that."

I cleaned up the side of his cheeks and smiled without breaking down.

The doctor came in and said "I'm going to do a check up and I need to be alone with him."

Our eyes lost one another once I passed that door and who knew I would lose myself too.

After, the check up the doctor came out and said he would be in observation. I couldn't stay like I wanted to so I had no choice but to leave. I drived home and went directly to my room without contact with anybody. My parents knew everything anyways. Before, sleeping I said "Dreams please, show or tell me if Josh will die or not."

I closed my eyes, count till nine and hope reality would be denied.

"Wren!" Josh shouted from across the brown dining table from my house.

"What are you doing?" I asked looking around because there was no food on the table.

The table disappeared and my surroundings turned white.

"What the-" I creeped out.

Josh held my hands and I forgot about my surroundings.

"Remember, we said never to say goodbye?" He asked.

I frowned confused and said "Yeah, why?"

Josh brought my hands to his lips and kissed them. "What If I can't control that?" He asked.

"Don't say that. Why are we talking about this anyways?" I asked still confused and upset.

I turned around and began to pull his hand but he held back.

"Let's go home." I said pouting.

He tried to smile as he informed me "I can't go with you."

"What? Why? You have something to do?" I asked him with a pout.

He kissed my lips and said "I hope that one day we can see eachother again."

"Hey! What are you talking about?" I asked very confused.

Josh said "I'm leaving because I'm no longer alive."

My heart stopped and he let go of my hands. He began to get further away from me and I slowly began to come after him.

"JOSH! DON'T LEAVE ME, PLEASE!" I shouted.

"Wren, you still have many years ahead. I love you so much, bye." He began to vanish into the white foggy clouds but I ran after him.

"DON'T LEAVE, JOSH! PLEASE, DON'T! STAY, JOSHHHHH!" I shouted waving my hands back and forth to see if I could catch him. A male held me back and said "You can't trespass this. It's not your time, Wren."

Every white piece of my vision began to vanish and the only thing I shouted was Josh's name. I opened up my eyes and looked at my phone's time 5:03 A.M.

I looked away and whispered "You're dead aren't you?"

My phone rang and it was the doctor.

"I'm sorry, Wren but Josh passed away." He said through the phone. I forgot how to speak as I broke down in tears and rolled up in a ball.

The day of the funeral came and I waited for every single person to leave. I didn't want to speak or here people say "Sorry for your loss or rest in peace."

Everytime, someone said that it reminded me of all the pain I was trying so hard to contain inside. I got on my knees and began to cry my lungs out.

"How do expect me to go on without you? How can I drive my car without looking at the passenger seat and feel like your about to sing your lungs out? How will I get home and see you aren't on my roof waiting on me to see the stars. How can I stop crying at everything I see that reminds me of you? Now, I'm feeling regret because I wish I was there before you got this ill. However, it makes sense now. How you said you felt like you had no idea what you came here for. What if you knew this whole time and that's why it was hard to choose a career? I had to tell you parents to not even tell me the cause of your death. I deeply feel in my gut like you died because of me. What if it was that frappuccino that made you sick? Yet, I remember how you already felt sick before. Maybe, I should have pressured you to do an exam and you'd be here. Now, I feel mad at myself for not dreaming this would happen. Why wasn't I warned that this would happen to you but the other times I did dream of you? You're right, you were born to just come and go. The universe or God didn't warn me because not even myself could have saved you. We're all born to die one day and I'm no one to control that. So many things are coming to place as I cry over your graveyard and I hate that I am. I wouldn't want you to see me like this cause you never did. You only made me smile and laugh until I couldn't anymore. Mom told me this wouldn't end well and here I am. I don't regret giving you a ride or anything we did together. Three strikes and your out is what this meant. I was just to dumb to catch these easy signs that you were getting close to your end. Yet, again I knew you wouldn't make it. All the traffic, no one helped you right away, they couldn't find out what was going on with you and the treatment wasn't working. If you were meant to live, you would have but you didn't. Your time was up and you're more needed up there.

"Wren?" He said from outside my window.

I woke up and asked "Josh, what are you doing here?"

I went onto the roof top and it was pretty dark. I sat by him and he smiled.

"I just wanted to come visit you." He said smiling.

I said "You just don't like wasting any time to come do adventures with me."

He laughed and said "I always want to but I missed you a little more today."

I got lost in my thought to why. Was there something I was missing out today?

He held my hand and it was very cold.

"Wow! Your hand is so cold." I said very shocked.

Josh said "Oh yeah. I feel like that now."

I frowned and looked down at his arm. He didn't have the scar anymore. Today, had been two months he had passed away already.

"Josh, I love you so much." I said once I understood what was going on.

He looked up really quickly and said "Oh! There's the beautiful moon. I can finally see the light."

I wanted to cry as I knew it was just another dream at that moment but I loved it. I knew he missed me like I missed him but I didn't want him too. I wanted him to forget me so he wouldn't feel pain at all like I was inside.

"I have to go, Wren." He said standing up.

I wanted to yell out "DON'T GO!" But I knew better.

"Bye, Josh." I said looking up at the moon.

When I woke up I stept outside which I hadn't in so long. White pedals began to fall right in front of my shoes. I got in my car and drove right by where we met. I knew I would be ok when I couldn't contain a smile on my face.

"I love you, Josh." I said as I turned up the music and his favorite song came on. Right there and then I knew he was right by me.

"Everything will be ok."