Gut Feeling

The door to our room swung open. I sat on the couch, straightening my back and propping my elbows on my knees as I looked at Jesus.

"Dr. Carson was able to patch Gregory up. He's in pain, but he'll live," Jesus explained.

"So, what happens now?" Michonne questioned.

Jesus let out a deep sigh, "Things like that don't usually happen here, but, uh, it's settled."

"We heard the name Negan," Rick's voice boomed, as he altered his position, standing up straight from where he leant against a desk, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. "A while back, Daryl and Abraham had a run-in with his men." My head immediately snapped behind me, looking a Daryl. My brows scrunched together in knots, this being the first I'm hearing of the incident. "Who is he?" Rick asked, his eyes narrowed.

"Negan's the head of a group of people he calls the Saviours," Jesus began to explain, "As soon as the walls were built, the Saviours showed up. They met with Gregory on behalf of their boss. They made a lot of demands, and even more threats. And they killed one of us-- Rory. He was 16 years old. They beat him to death right in front of us." I winced upon hearing that, exhaling as I leaned back again on the couch. "They said we needed to understand, right off the bat. Gregory's not exactly good at confrontation. He's not the leader I would have chosen, but he helped make this place what it is, and the people like him."

"He made the deal," Maggie uttered under her breath, just loud enough so we could hear.

"Half of everything," Jesus confirmed, "Our supplies, our crops, our livestock, it goes to the Saviours."

"And what do you get in return?" I asked, not seeing how this was a fair trade.

Jesus looked down at me, sighing again like he knew what he was about to say was going to sound ridiculous, "They don't attack this place. They don't kill us."

"Why not just kill them?" Daryl shrugged.

"Most people here don't even know how to fight, even if we had ammo."

"Well, how many people does Negan have?" Rick asked.

"We don't know. We've seen groups as big as 20."

"Now, hold up. So, they just show up, they kill a kid, and you give 'em half of everything? These dicks just got a good story. The bogeyman, he ain't shit," Daryl fought.

"Well, how do you know?" Jesus shook his head.

"A month ago, we took his guys out PDQ. Left them in pieces and puddles," Abraham explained. I'm assuming referring back to this run-in he and Daryl had. If they killed them and no one has come to collect for their men's death, then they must not be all that they make themselves out to be.

"You know, we'll do it," Daryl offered, leaving the wall he was leaning against and coming up behind me. His tone was eager, this was our trade. "If we go get your man back, kill Negan, take out his boys, will you hook us up? We want food, medicine, and one of 'em cows."

Jesus paused for a moment, thinking about it. His eyes trailed across the room, looking at each of us before he stopped with Rick. "Confrontation's never been something we've had trouble with," Rick confirmed, agreeing with Daryl's bargain.

I rubbed my forehead anxiously, wiping away the droplets of sweat forming at my hairline. We were agreeing to take this matter into our own hands, becoming the Hilltop's hitman. Yeah, the Saviours seemed like scum, showing up and beating a kid to death to scare communities into submission. But, were we any better? Going after them when we have no part in this. I've always claimed that we only fight back when threatened and when we need to protect our own. We never strike first. And now we were walking straight into a deal where we were going to do exactly that.

"I'll take it to Gregory," Jesus finally answered.

Jesus left the room to go and speak with Gregory. I stood up from the couch abruptly, rubbing my face with my hands again and exhaling. I pushed past everyone in the room to go out onto the attached balcony, trying to get some air. I could hear a few of them follow me out here, my hands gripping onto the banister for support as the light breeze whipped through my hair.

"They have food, we don't," Rick said lightly, his arms resting upon the banister beside me. I looked over to my right, seeing him studying my face closely, seeing my concern. "We don't have enough of anything. Except us. What we can do," he said, his tone still remaining soft. I sighed, finally turning around and seeing Maggie, Glenn, and Michonne out here with us as well. "This is the trade," Rick explained to all of us.

It was quiet for a moment before I said, "It's gonna cost us something." Rick's head turned back over toward me, his squinted eyes meeting mine, "I don't know what, but it's not going to be--"

The balcony door opening cut me off, Jesus returning from his quick talk with Gregory. "Gregory's up. He wants to talk." Rick nodded and began walking before Jesus held his hand up to stop him. "To Maggie. He wants to talk to Maggie."

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I sat hunched over in one of the church pews, Daryl directly to my left as I stared down at my boots. My brain was in a tug-of-war with itself while I was waiting for this meeting to begin. Not everyone, but a good portion of the town sat nestled in here, waiting to hear the verdict from our visit to the Hilltop. I fidgeted with my hands, picking at the skin around my nails. I knew this was something we had to do in order to keep ourselves safe, but something deep down in my gut didn't feel right.

The Saviours had already tried to kill our people once and we were not about to let it happen again. As soon as we got back to Alexandria that was the first thing I had questioned Daryl about. I was fuming that he hadn't told me about his run-in with them before. I was even more angry that I felt like I was the last one to even know like I was too fragile at the time to be kept in the loop. He finally explained the situation to me though. It was while they were on the way back from leading the herd away from Alexandria. It was why it took them so long to get back to us before they showed up during the fight. And after that night, while I was locked up in my room from exhaustion, he decided not to tell me.

I finally stopped fidgeting with my hands when Daryl's fingers grasped onto mine. The rough calluses on his hand scraped against my skin as he pulled my hand over to his lap, holding it there while his eyes remained locked straight ahead.

"We can work with the Hilltop," Rick's voice finally echoed through the room. I kept my hand comfortably within Daryl's, finally leaving my own head and paying attention. "Maggie hammered out a deal. We're getting food-- eggs, butter, fresh vegetables. But they're not just giving it away," Rick began to explain. "These Saviours, they almost killed Sasha, Daryl, and Abraham on the road." There was a slight squeeze of my hand after that sentence. "Now, sooner or later, they would have found us, just like those Wolves did, just like Jesus did. They would have killed someone or some of us. And then they would try to own us. And we would try to stop them. But by then, in that kind of fight, low on food, we could lose. This is the only way to be sure, as sure as we can get, that we win. And we have to win. We do this for the Hilltop, it's how we keep this place. It's how we feed this place. This needs to be a group decision. If anybody objects, this is your chance to say your peace." The floor was given to us and everyone remained silent for a few moments. All of them were digesting exactly what Rick was asking of them.

One of the wooden pews creaked, all of our heads turning around to see who was on their feet to speak. I looked back to see Morgan standing tall, his eyes locked on Rick. "You sure we can do it?" he asked. "We can beat them?"

"What this group has done, what we've learned, what we've become, all of us-- yes, I'm sure," Rick answered.

Morgan nodded his head, "Then all we have to do is just tell them that."

"Well, they don't compromise--"

"This isn't a compromise," Morgan cut him off, "It's a choice you give them. It's a way out, for them and for us."

"We tray and talk to the Saviours, we give up our advantage, our safety. No, we have to come for them before they come for us. We can't leave them alive." I winced at Rick's words. I turned my head slightly, my eyes meeting Glenn's as he sat a row back on the other side of the aisle. He stared at me for a long while and I was unable to read exactly what his face was telling me. But I think it was fear.

"Where there's life, there's possibility."

"What? Of them hitting us," Rick's voice raised slightly.

Morgan came back at him just as quickly, his own tone matching Rick's, "We're not trapped in this. None of you are trapped in this."

"Morgan… they always come back," Rick's voice was soft again, calming down.

"They come back when they're dead, too."

"Yeah, we'll stop them. We have before," Rick reassured.

"I'm not talking about the walkers," Morgan gritted his teeth, his jaw tightening as he stared at Rick. And he wasn't talking about the walkers, he was talking about the people you've killed coming back into your head. I know firsthand that they never leave you. Dave, Tony, Tomas, and the list goes on. They are here with me every single day, perched high on my shoulders like an unrelenting weight throughout my days.

"Morgan wants to talk to them first. I think that would be a mistake, but it's not up to me. I'll talk to the people still at home. I'll discuss it with the people still on guard now, too, but who else wants to approach the Saviours, talk to them first?" Rick opened up the floor to the options at hand.

Aaron now stood up, "What happened here, we won't let that happen again. I won't." Aaron's head turned, looking directly at Morgan as he spoke his peace. Morgan nodded in understanding, and Aaron returned back into his seat.

Rick glanced over the room, waiting for anyone else to object, but the group remained quiet. I looked back at Glenn again, my eyes studying his face. He didn't make contact with me again, but I watched as his jaw tightened, he was ready to do what needed to be done. I then turned back around to my left, looking at Daryl. His eyes were already on me, studying my face as he squeezed my hand again. I sighed, nodding my head in agreeance. We protect what's ours. I was in.

"Looks like it's settled," Rick finally said, "We know exactly what this is. We don't shy from it, we live. We kill them all. We don't all have to kill. But if people are gonna stay here… they do have to accept it."

That feeling in my gut finally subsided. I was no longer afraid but instead accepted what was about to come.