Beat Your Heart Out

We had one more day. One more day to ourselves before tomorrow, when we would set out for our attack on the Saviours, on Negan. We were preparing, gathering up any last bit of ammo we could scavenge by going on small runs. And later tonight we'd be celebrating. We all knew very well that anything could happen tomorrow, anything could go wrong, so tonight we'd have fun. Aaron had planned a barbeque for the town, hosted in his backyard, although I'm sure it was Eric's idea and planning that would soon take over.

I sat in the driver's seat of an old Nissan, Lincoln in the passenger seat to my right. It was just him and I that decided to go out together. He stared down at a map, directing me through the final turns in a nearby neighbourhood to the town's local police station. Rick informed us that it was a possibility for ammo or guns to still be laying around. He said that they'd most likely be locked up in a storage unit, but it was worth a shot with a pair of trusty bolt cutters.

"You never were very good with directions," I sneered, rolling my eyes as I made my second u-turn as Lincoln flipped the map back and forth, trying to figure out how to read it.

"Just give me a second, would ya? You never were very good at having any patience," he shot back. I glared from my seat, a small smile reluctantly creeping onto my face.

"Forget it, I see it right up there," I said, bringing his attention back to the road.

"Thank fucking God," he murmured, crumpling up the map and aggressively tossing it in the back seat.

"Hey, we're gonna need that to get back home," I laughed.

I pulled into the parking lot of the police station, driving up in front of the main entrance before shutting off the engine. Lincoln leaned around the seat, grabbing the bolt cutters as I instinctively pressed my hand to my belt, accounting for all of my weapons. We shut our car doors quietly, walking up to the tinted glass doors. I pressed my index finger to my lips, telling him to stay quiet as I tapped my knuckles on the window, drawing forward anything that lurked inside. We waited for a few minutes, surveying the town around us in the meantime. It was peacefully quiet, only the sounds of birds chirping and the light wind rustling through the trees.

"I think we're good," Lincoln said, keeping his voice low. I nodded my head, gripping onto the handle and swinging it open. I choked on the layer of dust that coated the station as we walked through the foyer, pulling my gun from its holster. The ratty old carpet kept our footsteps quiet as we cleared the main entrance. The hallway became dimmer the further down we ventured, the natural sunlight only following us so far in. "What do you make of tomorrow?" Lincoln asked, his voice hushed. I shot him a surprised glare and he immediately said, "Oh, we're fine. We would have heard them by now."

I shrugged my shoulders to say I don't know, but his head cocking to the side and his brows raising told me that he knew I had more to say. I peered into the room to my right as we passed it, nothing lay behind the door but a vacant office desk. I sighed, "I'm stuck between right and wrong. I think the lines are blurred on this one. If what Jesus' said about the Saviours is true, then it's only a matter of time before we become their next target. At the same time, we've never been the people to kill unless provoked," I confessed, my voice remaining a still whisper.

Lincoln stopped in his tracks. I turned to look at him, questioning what was wrong, but he spoke first, "Then why go with them? I know you're going too. But why go if it troubles you so much? Rick gave everyone the choice to stay home if they wanted to. To not kill," he asked. His face tightened, but it wasn't with anger, it was concern that stared back at me.

"I don't want to talk about it," I shrugged him off, continuing forward down the hall.

"Scarlett," he called to me quietly. I shuddered at him using my full name, something only my mother called me when she was disappointed.

"I think the room is just down here." I ignored his pleas and turned down the hallway to our left. I peeked in through the windows trying to find the storage unit Rick had described to me. He said it would most likely be caged in. One cage with a door that they would use a keypad to open and a second one with a lock on it. By the time I hit the third room, Lincoln had caught up and I spotted it. It was a gold mine, and something deep down inside made me want to believe that this was a sign.

Lincoln followed me into the room, dropping the duffle bag he had been carrying down on the floor so he could focus on cutting a big enough hole in the cage for us. Since this one was shut by a keypad our only option was to cut through the wire to slip through, but the second door would be as easy as cutting through the lock before we had our hands on all that ammo. I picked up the duffle bag as he linked his fingers in the chains, tugging it back and forth before it finally popped off. Lincoln begin so much bigger than I was, I kept holding the bag, him unable to fit through with it strapped to him. I cleared the fence, trapped between the two as he began working on the lock. The crunch of the metal was music to my ears and it bounced down on the carpet, the door swinging open to us.

The air remained silent between us as we began loading up the duffle bag. I grabbed boxes of ammo, handguns, shotguns, and ARs, shoving in anything and everything that could fit. I poured bullets out into my hand, the cold metal tingling against my skin as I loaded the extra bullets into the magazine of my gun. All of a sudden Lincoln stopped, a sharp exhale releasing from his lungs.

"Alright enough," he said, causing me to stop what I was doing to look at him. I placed my gun back into my holster, furrowing my brows at him. "A truth for a truth, got it?" It wasn't a question but more of an order. "I wasn't planning on telling you like this, or using this as leverage for you to talk to me-- but for fuck sakes you're as stubborn as mom," he seethed, yet a loose laugh escaped his throat. Again, I winced at him. His words were not a light joke in my eyes when comparing me to mom.

He reached into his back pocket, fishing out whatever it was he wanted to show me or tell me. This was his truth and I'd have no choice but to tell him mine afterward. No choice but to answer that question he had asked me before. He pulled out a small piece of fabric folded neatly together, perfectly. His hands almost shook as he carefully unravelled it. My eyes shot wide open, my mouth gaping as the small object fell from the fabric and bounced in the center of his palm. A beautiful little diamond ring.

"I was going to ask her tonight," he said as I gawked down at the jewelled piece. I could almost hear the smile on his lips. A small teardrop-shaped diamond sat perched upon the gold band, with three smaller diamonds engraved on each side.

"You've only known Rosita, what, six months?" I said, my bluntness coming off harsher than I intended. He laughed, not taking the least bit of offence.

"Scar, if you haven't realized, we're in the apocalypse. I don't want to wait another day. When you know, you know," he said, leaning down to meet my gaze. He was speaking to me the way I remembered him to before all of this like I was his naive little sister again. Sometimes I forget that I am. I finally looked up at him, my face dropping when I realized it was time for me to trade in my own truth. I could feel my body shrink, shrivelling into his scared little sister for once. "Why do you have to go tomorrow?" he asked, his voice so soft.

My mouth fell open, but I stumbled on the words, nothing came out. I was silent for a moment. "I tallied the number of people I've killed after our discussion in the church last night. I was up all night thinking about it, the 13 living, breathing people, I murdered," I confessed, stopping to inhale a sharp breath as my eyes burned, "I have to go tomorrow because I think it's better for me to face that burden than to wish that feeling on someone else." Lincoln didn't say a word to me as he pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around my body. I think we stayed that way for a couple of minutes, embracing him as I refused to let myself cry again. He got what he wanted out of me and now maybe he'd wish that he didn't. To not know the darkest of thoughts that haunt his little sister's mind. But for me, it was a relief to say it out loud and I think he at least realized that.

"Let's go home," he murmured.

------

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, fixing up the last strands of hair into a clip before I'd head over to Aaron and Eric's. Even after the day I had, tonight was supposed to be fun-- memorable, and I wanted to make sure of that. For tonight I wanted to feel like a human again, a girl again, getting excited for a party with her family. For just a few hours I would not let the looming feeling of tomorrow rest heavily on my shoulders. I sipped on the glass of wine I had while getting ready, curling the stray pieces of hair that didn't fit back into the clip where the rest of my blonde hair sat twirled together in the back. I had put on makeup for once, my lashes long and thick with mascara and my lips shimmering with gloss. One of the women in the town had given me one of the old dresses that no longer fit her for the night. The black fabric cut low across my chest, hugging it tightly down to my waist where the skirt then flared loosely around my thighs, stopping just above the knees. I even went as far as pairing it was a set of black strappy heels. I was never one to be overly girly, but tonight people would think differently.

I downed the remaining sip of my wine, exhaling harshly before deciding it was time to leave. The sun was just beginning to set, leaving a trail of pink and orange clouds in its descent. The air was cooling, but only enough to still be comfortable in the little amount of coverage I had from the dress. I found myself nervously wiping the palms of my hands down my clothes, still needing to be well aware of how hard it was to now walk in heels. They clinked on the stone pathway as I rounded the side of Aaron's house, walking through the gate they had left ajar for people to come and go.

I instantly felt all my nerves subside once I reached the backyard. My mouth fell open as I took in the space that Eric had undoubtedly worked all day to transform. Tables and chairs had been set up in sections around the yard, all of them strategically placed around hammered together panels of wood to make up a small dance floor. Aaron already stood at the barbeque, flipping over meat that Daryl spent his run for the day trying to obtain for tonight's party, not wanting to waste the food we had been given by the Hilltop. Small fairy lights hung low from the trees, glimmering brighter by the second as the sun continued to dip behind the horizon. People already sat and stood around the backyard, laughing, drinking, and talking. Not one person looked fazed by what was to come tomorrow. So, neither would I.

~ Daryl's POV ~

I watched as Scar walked in through the side gate, my breath stupidly taken from me when I saw her. She had her hair pinned up, her face and neck completely bare, something that made my chest tighten. I didn't care what she looked like or what she wore, none of those things ever made much sense to me, but right now it felt hard to breathe. I watched as her eyes skimmed over the yard before she caught my stare, a smile instantly sliding up her face as she walked toward me. I felt that breath finally release. Her dress loosely swayed around her hips and legs as she kept her focus tethered to her feet in those heels. My eyes did not leave her.

"You came," she finally spoke, leaning over to give me a kiss on my cheek. My body shuddered underneath her. Something so simple, so normal like she does it all the time as a routine. I couldn't wrap my head around it.

"Didn't feel like gettin' my head ripped off like last time I decided not to show up," I said. Part of me used it as a defence mechanism and part of me was just wanting to toy with her. I waited eagerly for her snarky remark, she never missed a beat when trying to put me in place.

She glared, a small grin threatening to tug at her lips, "It wasn't your head I was wanting to rip off." There it was. I was unable to keep myself from laughing.

"Are you drinking tonight?" she asked, her eyes fluttering up at me. I knew she was toying with me now.

"I don't know, someone once told me that I'm a dick when I drink," I reminded her of that night on the shack porch. A night so engraved in my brain that I think about it almost every time I try and fall asleep. That was the moment I knew. I told her I was nothing that night, but I think I realized that I was nothing without her.

She leaned forward on her chair, resting her arms on the table between us, as her eyes glanced down at her hands like she was recalling the entire night in her head right now, "Those were different circumstances," she spoke softly, "alcohol heightens what you're feeling. Tonight we're just supposed to feel happy," she said like she was the most innocent person in the world. And I believed her.

We were cut off by Glenn and Maggie taking a seat at our table, Glenn smiling widely as he handed the extra beer in his hand to Scar. Just then Tobin brought out his guitar, sitting down and playing a soft tune that I didn't care for.

"This is nice, isn't it? Feeling normal again," Maggie said to no one in particular.

"I didn't know if I remembered how to," Glenn laughed, "Oh, hold up, we have something to show you guys." It was like the kid was cut off by his own thoughts. I could tell he was already tipsy, he could never hold his alcohol very well. Maggie smiled, handing a small piece of paper to Scar that she pulled from her pocket.

I watched as Scar smiled widely, her eyes lighting up as she scooted closer to me so I could see it as well. I looked down at the ultrasound they had done at the Hilltop before we left, my eyes not staying on the picture long before they trailed back up to the side of Sacr's face. Watching her intently as she examined every piece of the blurry image.

"I can't believe that boy dumb enough to blindly lead us out of the streets of Atlanta is about to have a baby," Scar said, not an ounce of venom in her tone, just peer joy as she joked with him.

"More like smart enough, or brave enough," Glenn fought back and Maggie and Scar both laughed.

"Congratulations Maggie," Scar then said, her voice like honey. I could listen to her speak all day.

Our attention was then caught from behind us the rowdier people became. The drinks were flowing and Aaron continued to hand out food. Tobin now played an upbeat tune, drawing people to the dance floor. I felt Scar's hand lightly brush against my arm, a shudder washing over me again.

"Dance with me," she pleaded.

"Ain't no way," I said without giving even a second thought to it.

She rolled her eyes and looked over at Glenn instead, placing her hand in front of him. Glenn gave Maggie a quick look and she laughed, shoving him along. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before he grasped Scar and dragged her away from me. I leaned back in my chair smiling as I watched Glenn twirl her around on the dance floor, both of them laughing hysterically. Months ago I thought I never would have seen happiness like that again. I remember every moment of that night in the CDC, watching the two of them with what looked like them not having a care in the world except for each other. I don't know what I felt-- maybe it was jealousy, but I remember looking at her and for a moment the world hadn't felt so heavy anymore. I was jealous because she gravitated toward Glenn because she and him were the same. And when I ran back for her the next day I knew I needed what she had to offer me. A small piece of that feeling. What it felt like to be happy.

"Tonight is going to feel like a distant memory when it comes time for what we have to do tomorrow," Maggie said, her voice catching me by surprise. I instantly went still, my face hardening with the thought. I wasn't scared of what we were going to do tomorrow, but what terrified me was the thought of Scar going through with it as well. My eyes remained locked on the two of them in front of me, Glenn catching Scar behind her back as she threw her head back in laughter. "Sometimes I believe that God placed those two in this mess together on purpose." I could nearly hear the smile on her face as she spoke, but she wasn't trying to make a joke, she truly did think that. "I believe in a lot of situations, if it weren't for those two trying to find their way back to one another, we may not all still be together now." I finally turned my head toward Maggie, a wide smile across her face as she read my expression.

"Fuck it," I grunted and she chuckled.

"Go get my husband and enjoy the time we have while you can," she laughed and I knew then and there that she baited me into this.

I couldn't change my mind as I had already begun making my way over to the two of them. Tobin's guitar now switching over to a slower tune. Glenn met my gaze and smiled as he immediately walked back over to Maggie. Scar's eyes met mine, a sleek grin moulding to her face as she reach out her hand for me. I grasped onto her small warm fingers as she stepped into my chest.

"I don't dance," was all I could say.

I could feel her smiling without even having to look at her when she said, "Okay."

We stayed pressed against each other for a while, slowly swaying to the music as her head rest lazily against my chest. One of her hands was on my right, while she traced small circles on my arm with the other. I never wanted to leave this moment. For the first time in a long long time, I didn't want a feeling to end.

"Can I ask you something?" Scar's voice yanked me from my thoughts. I peered down at her, her head now pulled from my chest as she stared up at me. I remained silent, nodding my head, afraid my voice might fail me as she stared at me so intensely. "On our way to the Hilltop-- when you were looking at my scar. You said it reminds you of how it felt?" she questioned, wanting to get the rest of that sentence out of me.

I inhaled deeply, forgetting I even said that to her. How quickly I let my guards drop at that moment. "Does it matter now?" I asked, hoping to play it off. I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to say it out loud.

"Yes," she breathed out, blinking at me, waiting.

"It felt like something had snapped into place in my head," I confessed, "I think I knew it for a while, but it wasn't until the moment the Governor took you from us-- from me, that it clicked. I couldn't breathe. In my nightmares, I dream of that feeling and wake up unable to breathe until I see you lying there."