The Secretary

She hugged me strongly.

It was awkward and I felt like, "I don't even know this girl…I mean she is super hot, but I don't know her!" I was so embarrassed to ask her who she was.

After the hug, she looked me in the eyes while putting her hand on my cheek, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry…!" she said and burst into tears.

The best word to express what I was going through at that moment was "WTF…!"

"I think I'm missing something…because I don't actually know what you are talking about or even why are you apologizing… and to be more honest I don't think I know you," I told her in a calm accent.

"No, you don't know me; I wish you'll never do." As cleaning her makeup which was ruined because of her tears.

-"Weirdo…! If you don't want me to know why you came to me in the first place?"-

I smiled to calm her down and said, "And why is that?"

"I don't wanna tell you but I feel like you deserve to know the truth,"

"What truth?"

"The truth that I was the reason for your suicide and nearly killing yourself."

"Suicide…! And ki-killing yourself! What are you talking about?" I shouted in her face without consciousness.

"Didn't your parents tell you?" she looked confused, and then, the doctor got out of his room; it must be because of my loud voice before.

A tall and bald black man about 1.90 centimeters, wearing a gray suit, glasses on his face, and his body were in great shape.

"Mr. Assam! What are you doing here...?" he noticed that she was suspiciously close to me, "Sara what are you doing with the patient?"

"Nothing sir, we were just talking..." she answered him.

"Talking? And why he was shouting if you were just talking?" he blamed her for approaching me.

She got embarrassed, especially since she was new, and I couldn't let her take the blame after her hug and her tears, she obviously knew me somehow.

So, due to my fast instinct; I noticed that he had a patient inside with him; I said immediately, "Doc, it's my bad, I wanted to enter and she told me that you are already with a patient and I have to wait, but I became angry because I'm in a hurry, she was just trying to calm me so…It's on me."

He sighed, "Okay then, the patient has 15 minutes left…" he looked at his watch, "…13 to be accurate, Mr. Assam please have a seat, we will talk after he leaves." He smiled and nodded with his hand for me to sit down.

After I sat and the secretary returned to her place I began talking to myself, "Sara… I think I heard that before, and why I feel pain in my heart every time I say that name …? That's weird," and after repeating the word Sara in my mouth multiple times with a pain in my heart got harder with every word, my body couldn't take the pain and my tongue also couldn't stop saying it, and finally I blacked out.

-I know that what I said is more dramatic and more romantic but I am still at my word when I told you that the story is not interested as it looks and it provides honesty and nothing but honesty.-

So, what really happened is that I sat talking to myself, "What did this girl means by suicide and nearly killed myself…I'm going nuts…" losing part of your memory is not easy and so painful from the Psychological aspect; it makes you feel lost and your mind becomes not able to absorb things.

After exactly 13minutes the doctor Malcolm Jacob came out with the patient while talking to him about meeting the next session, and told me to enter.

I entered the room, closed the door, sat and wait until he organized his papers, and was about to set the watch to know when the session should end since the regular session is just one hour.

I put my hand on his watch to stop him from setting it and said dramatically "It's a favor, for me, please doc," he understood me and didn't set it; which was a very cool act by him.

-Or not…I thought he would do that but no.-

He pushed my hand away and said to me, "Kid, I have four hungry kids waiting for food and an angry wife who is waiting for her gift on Valentine's Day, I didn't study twenty years to do favors."

I was surprised, but after a moment of thinking, I knew that he was right about what he said.

"So, what brings you here, our appointment is after fifteen days." He said.

"I want to know from you about my illness and if that means that I shouldn't do like normal people and go to college to continue my studies especially when god gives me this gift and lets all the information about my education in my head…don't you think that it is a sign." I went deep into my heart and told those words to Mr. Jacob in order to convince him.

However, what I heard was extremely rough to hold in my ear, "You can't go to college, and it's not because you can't study but because the college is too far from your parents' house…" he tried to explain to me but I interrupted him and began screaming at his face, -this time was with consciousness, but what I think is that it was some matter in my personality- "So what…? I'm a fucking nineteen! I can count on myself…!"

He removed his glasses and took out the black gangster inside of him giving me the sharp eye; I felt like I was talking to a mafia boss, not a therapist, "Look, this is a safe space you can say anything you want, and it's really okay, but, know that I do not accept any actions that disrespect me or my job! Now, I will forgive you due to your sickness, next time I will take the necessary measures, do you understand…?" his cold calm voice made me scared to the extent that I wasn't able to answer him.

After seconds, he repeated, "do you understand?"

"Yes, I do sir, I do."

"Good…let's continue, to be clear you can't be alone even if you are an adult because of your case, why? Because losing memory can be very dangerous since it can cause some serious mood swings, and the way you talk to people and scream at them is part of it, believe me when I say it is nothing comparing to what it could be, losing pieces of memories is like losing pieces of your mind, it can't work right until all the pieces come together…And I'm sorry for the hard truth but I think you deserve to know it."

I got destroyed by his words and literally wanted to break his head with the cup placed on the office, and then began soliloquizing, "What am I thinking? Wow...! Maybe that's what he meant by serious mood swings…"

I did not know what to say, I thanked him and we shook hands, "Please sir, can you count the price of the session on my father? I don't have any cash right now."

He looked at his watch, "no need to, it didn't even pass fifteen minutes…you can go."

I smiled and thanked him again for his kindness and step up out of his room; I closed the door and went to the reception office.

-from what I lived those days, I became more clarify who I'm and what are the things that I'm good at and what's not…I started knowing myself… from what I discovered about me is that I don't surrender quickly.-

Plus, his last words when he said (I feel that you deserve to know the truth)

He reminded me of when the secretary Sara said the same thing.

I walked toward the receptionist, gripped her hand nicely, and took her out while she wasn't resisting me at all.

As we went out, I said, "I wanna know."

"What do you wanna know?" she asked me.

"The truth, you have said it before, I deserve it... come on, what happened to me? And what did you mean by suicide?" looking at her green eyes while my heart was about to fly and my mind was about to explode without knowing the cause.

After she stared into my eyes, finally, she opened her mouth to say something.

Hearing the words she said made me…