187. A new beginning.

WITHOUT KNOWING, A YEAR FLEW PAST QUICK. Days had turned into months and in no time it was yet another year we were celebrating. Looking back and seeing the pain I had gone through, I was still surprised that I survived it all and came out alive.

The man I loved left me for a woman he met in less than a month after fifteen years of dating me. I'd say it was unfair but the heart wants what it wants and mine wanted him. It was only unfortunate that he didn't feel the same way.

I sat on the hammock reminiscing about the cascade of events from the case with Adam to me being where I was.

Dr Michael Martin was the one that rescued me. I had been admitted at a psychiatric unit and spent an amount of time I couldn't even recall. My life there was traumatizing enough and coming out of it was so much more hurtful as my soberness had taken charge.

He rescued me and gave meaning to my life yet again. I was the lonely sheep he rescued and it made me think that for once I could and deserved a second chance at life. He had me discharged and treated me in his house for as long as it took me to regain my sanity. I owed the man my life. Major depressive disorder was a very dangerous disease for a person to have. Something I'd never thought I'd ever have.

I embraced the cup of coffee and took in the steam as it evaporated. I closed my eyes and allowed it to roam over me, circulating in my entire body.

"Smells delicious doesn't it???" The voice I'd grown to be familiar and fond of came in echoes all around me.

"Yeah, very delicious....." I opened my eyes and smiled as I looked at him, steadying myself on the hammock. "She makes very delicious coffee...." I added, looking at the beautiful woman visible through the transparent window in the kitchen.

"Now you know one of the reasons I married her...." he joked and we laughed together. I took in my sip of coffee and managed to drink the cup half down in one goal.

"Be careful with that, it could be hot....." he gave me a worried look and I nodded a thank you while blowing on the cup first.

"How are you feeling today????" he asked and I swallowed, wiping my mouth.

"To be fair, am very good actually...." I smiled and so did he. He looked at me for what lasted a minute before sighing and sitting back in the chair.

"You don't believe me....." I let it out and he gave a nervous laugh. Yep. He didn't.

"No..." he shook his head. "I just want to extra careful and sure before I can declare you completely healed...."

"People never completely heal from mental disorders, Dr Martin. We just suppress it and live with it. If you're ever looking for me to be completely healed then I can guarantee it won't ever happen...."

"Eleanor...."

"I mean it. Adam left me. I lost my sanity and you restored it but that doesn't mean I can't lose it again because the trigger remains the same.....he left....unless if that changes, maybe....very maybe which I also doubt, I can get better...."

"You mean if he comes back???"

"I said Maybe....which I also doubt. I don't think I want him back....."

"Is that you showing signs of anger???"

"Jesus, don't tell me you're about to go stages of grief on me....." suddenly I was flustered.

"No....no am not. It was just a question...." He asked as calmly as the doctor he was and I only sat back in the chair looking at the butterflies in the garden.

Neither of us spoke a word after that and I could feel him tremble in his chair as he tapped his foot nervously on the floor. An annoying mannerism of his displayed each time he was deep in thought.

"You're ready...." I heard him murmur and I slowly turned my gaze to meet his.

"Pardon???" I placed the cup down and brought the hammock to a stop as my feet touched the ground. He looked sharply at me and I returned the look making sure he saw how fiercely independent I'd grown to be. As he looked at me, I could see the pieces of myself that had torn me into pieces and for once I was able to understand how much of a good job he had done with me.

"You're ready." he repeated and slowly stood up walking back inside the house leaving me speechless outside.

I stared at him and watched through the glass as he talked to his wife. She was constantly tapping on his shoulders and stealing a look as though making sure I don't notice they're talking about me.

But I did.

I turned away and focused on the garden instead.

This couple had done so much for me and until now, it was hard to imagine what I'd be without them.

I had lost all I had in a heartbeat but slowly I was getting it back begining with my sanity.

The world thought I was gone and done for but now they would see exactly what Eleanor DelaRue is actually made of.