188. Christening

I WAS SEATED QUIETLY ON THE CHAIR WATCHING THE FIREWOOD WITHER AWAY AS THE HEAT TORE THE WOOD APART, degrading it down to ash. My eyes focused on it and drove all my attention to how the magnificent piece of firewood was finally destroyed by heat. It was pleasing to me seeing it wither away, slowly and steadily as it approached its demise, yet did nothing about it.

Then, a thought occured to me. As was the wood, many of us live a toxic life and watch as we are brought to our end yet keep quiet and do nothing about it.

Whether it's peaceful or hurtful, we willingly consent to it as it's impossible to live without.

But no. I've proven to mankind that we all deserve to walk out of our comfort zones and embrace goodness and change.

"Eleanor????" a motherly voice called from behind me and I turned around to find Michael's wife, Miranda. She was holding a blanket which she carefully placed on my lap and sat across the chair opposite to me.

"Thank you" I pulled the blanket up and steadied myself on the seat so I could face her.

"Don't mention it." she smiled. "I just put the kids to sleep and I was hoping I'd get some girl time with you...." she began and I suddenly got curious.

"What about your husband??" I asked narrowing my eyes at her sarcastically.

"Oh....hunny. Am not obligated to be with him at all times just because am married to him. In any case, he has patients to study about ..." she sighed and sat back in the chair.

For a moment I was about to object her statement but then I figured they'd just think I was another psychiatric patient who needed a high dosage of amitriptyline.

"Good to know....." I nodded and turned back to look at the now withered firewoods.

We stayed silent for an amount of time, no word in sight between us. Miranda and I weren't really close in comparison to Michael and I. I know I was his patient and he was my doctor which gave us a neutral ground but in the end, he became my friend which was what I was most proud of.

"I never thought we'd actually have to live with someone....like...you" she started and I stayed still, not moving an inch. I maintained my position like a statue, whilst still listening to her.

"Someone....you know...y'know what I mean...." she chuckled nervously as though approaching an unpredictable animal. Faltering a little, I also let out a chuckle and span my head to look at her.

"Someone that is despicable, vile and highly contemptible...." I smiled at her and enjoyed the emotion leave her face pale. She swallowed nervously and shook her head, quickly looking the direction to her room and back at me.

"No....I didn't mean it like that...." she pleaded with me. "That's not what I meant..."

Of course! She was being careful because her husband told her to. I was a bipolar, depressive patient hence they had to keep me out of all triggers.

'Speak softly to ber' 'Make her feel at home' etc. Surely Miranda was tired of all that and that's what she was exactly trying to tell me right now.

I mean why else would she want to girl bond when we've never had such a session in the entire year I've lived with her?

"Eleanor ---"

"It's alright. I don't really care...." I mumbled and sat back.

Looking at her sitting opposite me, in a medicated haze, drool collecting around her mouth, fingers

fluttering like dirty moths, I experienced a sudden and unexpected wrench of sadness. I felt pity for her for pitying me.

"I hate the fact that people are always cautious when talking to me, afraid of driving me into a relapse meaning there's a high chance it might happen." I heaved a sigh and closed my eyes shut while trying to force stop the tears in my eyes from coming out.

"Please don't misunderstand me...."

"Look. you're doing it right now...." I stared at her and she moved off of her seat, occupying the space on the edge. She took a deep breath in and looked at me before looking at her feet and then back at me with surety in her eyes as though she was ready to face the truth.

"You're very right. I know and understand exactly what you're saying...." she came clean but part of me did not believe her at all.

"Are you saying that just to have the story end??" I copied her and also moved off my chair and sat at the edge.

"No. I mean it." She gave a smile but I saw nothing but sadness in it.

"I see myself in you. Believe it or not. I do..." she paused and looked back before looking at me. "I have been where you are before. Just like you....I understand the pain of a heartbreak and I know exactly what it feels like to be in that position...."

"What???" I asked so lost and confused.

"Michael doesn't like me talking about it but I won't do that to you...." her hand was suddenly on mine and I swallowed the drop of saliva in my throat.

"I know the pressure that comes with considering you different and acting cautious with you every second. It makes you forget you are a person too and for a moment it bears pain in you..."

"Not for a moment. More like a lifetime...." I added.

She really did understand me.

I smiled and squeezed her hand making her know that I was happy she told me and expressed herself to me. Michael was a good doctor, husband and friend but there where times that I needed a feminine figure to talk to. Miranda was always there but it did not please me to satisfaction.

However, today was the day I realised she was actually what I'd been looking for.

Just like me, she was proof that had conquered the pain of this world and was most certainly ready to break out of her bubble and live as a normal human being again.

"I truly appreciate for this talk..." I smiled.

"So much for bonding....." she winked and sat back in her seat leaning on the back. I looked at her and she had her eyes closed, head back and face straight like a model although she definitely had no idea.

"Ooh.....it almost slipped my mind" she jumped from her seat and pulled me so close to her that it got uncomfortable.

"What.??" I asked.

"Shhh...." she placed her forefinger on my lips and looked around as though looking out for Michael.

"Um...." she stopped and placed her hand on my knees before brining her face close to mine. "Michael didn't want you knowing but I just have to let you know...." She winked and I gave her a confused look. Quickly, she got up from her seat and left hastily.

What was it that Michael didn't want me to know? And by what right did he think he could confiscate some things from me? He was my doctor not my dad.

"Here....." she handed me an envelope and I looked at her. She motioned for me to open with her eyes and I did.

I took out a card which was grazed on gold and decorated in golden print.

It had roses everywhere and I loved that it was filled with red dots that looked beautiful like red snowdrops.

"It came in two weeks ago...." she whispered and I felt a sting in my heart. For some reason I loved this card although I had no idea where it was from. It felt so special and immediately held a place in my heart.

"What is it???" I asked.

"I don't know. " she replied. "We couldn't open it. It's your parcel...." she convinced me and I didn't know if she was lying or not but I believed. Slowly, I flipped it over and untied the bow that was used to fasten it on the other side. My eyes brightened the moment I saw the beautiful baby pictures all over the edges of the paper.

I looked at Miranda and the eagerness in her eyes was what made me wish I had opened it two weeks when it had arrived.

"What is it????" she asked and I took a deep breath before opening it and reading the words inside.

I was wearing a smile after being mesmerising by the whole packaging and all the beauty attached and associated with it.

The moment my eyes landed on the card, the smile only got brighter. I was so happy to find out I was invited to a christening. I immediately embraced the card and squeezed it between my arms and chest. Someone invited me to a christening. What a way to start the year!

This would be one of the ways to ascertain my comeback and be a happy girl the world's ever seen.

"What is it??? what is it???" Miranda asked eagerly.

"A christening....I've been invited to a christening...." I exclaimed and she immediately threw her hands around me.

"Am so happy...." I added.

"Me too...." she added breaking the hug. "Whose christening...???" she asked.

"Oh...." I gasped getting back to the card but suddenly

"Miranda??? you're still awake???" Michael's voice echoed from the hallways and Miranda froze her eyes switching between mine and the card.