Chapter 33

Chapter 33

"Something is wrong with me Vanessa and I know it. That's why I've come to see you and not Megan b3cause I'm sure she wouldn't understand as much as you will." I paced back and forth in Vanessa's bedroom. 

"Calm down April. Relax and tell me what's wrong" 

"It's Jordan and I." I finally sat close to her on the bed, my legs intertwined and arms folded.

"What's wrong with you and Jordan?" She asked, turning to face me fully. 

"Anytime we have sex, I don't feel it anymore. I don't get excited and butterflies don't travel in my stomach."

"And by that you mean?" Her eyes were searching mine at this point. 

"I enjoy the foreplay don't get me wrong, but I feel like I want more. I am not sure what but it's definitely an alien feeling." 

"Did you cheat on Jordan?" She grabbed my shoulders and bugged her eyes out of their sockets. 

"What!" 

"Have you had sex with someone else and then the person was better than Jordan and suddenly you want..." 

I tuned her out, the memories from the capture replaying in my head. Could it be? 

"April?" Vanessa said thus jolting me out of my sea of thoughts.

"Yes," I paused " I have to leave" I hurriedly picked my bag from the other side of the bed and dashed out of the room. 

"Are you okay April?" I heard Vanessa ask but I was too overwhelmed with what I'd found out about myself. 

The problem isn't about Jordan. It's not Jordan's fault that I can't enjoy our sex life. 

It's my fault and I'm the problem. 

************

I traced the scars on my body as I watched every stroke through the mirror in front of me.  All this time I had thought something else was wrong and was busy looking for what and a way to salvage it. 

I didn't want normal sex. I wanted torture sex. 

I let out a half-crazed laugh in bits as the discovery waved through every spine in my body. 

Could Jordan ever give me that kind of sexual adventure? 

I left the bathroom to meet Jordan in his well-tailored grey suit standing and staring like someone with the intention of eye-fucking me. 

"Hey," He said, walking slowly to my direction.

"Hi" I replied trying to avoid looking at him by all means necessary.

"Come here" He stretched his hands forward to hug me. 

"Jordan, we need to talk" 

"Not now April. I just want to hug you at the moment and then we can talk later" He caught hold of my waist and then began to kiss every part of my face in a serenading motion. 

"How was your day?" 

"We.need.to.talk" I enunciated every word. 

I know this is probably going to be the worst decision I've ever made and one I'll regret for the rest of my entire life but in the end, every lie and pain is worth it.  

"I have tried Jordan, I've really tried to make all of this work but it's beyond me Jordan." I walked away from his grasp and turned around to face the wall. 

He walked close still, his palms balanced on my shoulders. 

"What's wrong April?" He asked.

"Jordan I...." I one what I wanted to say but they just couldn't come out of my mouth.  "I don't love you anymore"

Silence. For almost a minute everywhere was as silent as a graveyard at night. 

"You're just having a bad day Apri...." He began to say and I cut him off. 

"No Jordan. stop trying to fix us all the time. It's no use. I have thought about it and have come to the conclusion that we are no longer fit for each other. I don't love you anymore Jordan. I think we should break up"  I slowly felt his withdrawal from my shoulder slowly. 

I finally had the courage to face him after I heard a loud thud a few minutes later and found him teared up and on the floor. 

I wanted to walk close to him, tell him it's a lie, hug and fuck him but I know better at the same time. 

"I am sorry it took me this long to realize we are not fit for each other" 

"Don't say that April" 

"It needs to be said so we get it done with. I am tired of pretending Jordan. I want to stop this whole charade called pretense." 

"Stop April"

"I don't love you anymore Jordan" 

"Stop April!" He had bloodshot eyes and it scared me to death to see him in such a scary mode. 

"Let me go Jordan. " I walked to the closet and began to pack a few of my things into a duffel bag. 

 I got dressed in a pair of jeans and a black singlet coupled with a black face cap. 

I returned to the room to find Jordan still maintaining the position I'd left him in before my entry into the closet. 

I made my way towards the door and down the stairs to the main entrance of the house. 

"April!" He screamed loudly as he made his way down the stairs in a quick manner. 

His shout halted my tracks and I froze on the spot. 

"Please don't do this April... I can't... I can't let you go April" 

"You have to. I don't love you anymore" 

"We both know that's a lie April! So tell me the real reason behind this"

"I'm not hiding anything Jordan"

"We both know you are April!" He dashed forward and when our eyes locked on each other, It was as if I could feel everything he was feeling. Every hurt and pain we're a visible feeling in his eyes. 

"I need help," I said after a while.

He didn't say anything. 

"I need to fix me Jordan. Something is wrong with me " 

"What?" That was all he could manage to say. 

"I am different. I feel different " It was a shameful thing for me to say and I didn't know how to project it from my mouth. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I've not been enjoying our... Our sex" I looked away from his searching eyes. 

"Every time we make love, I don't enjoy it anymore as I used to" 

"Did I do something wrong? Is there something else you want me to learn about your sexual needs that can be of help? " 

"It's not you Jordan. It's me. Something's changed and I can't be what you need me to be. I am bruised and broken" 

"You are bruised and broken, that may be true but so am I. No matter how bruised and broken you are April, that is not enough reason to want to abandon me tease" A drop of tears traveled down his right cheek. 

"I love you April Denver and I will always love you. Never think that it's a joke. Don't you ever leave me April. I would never recover from the heartbreak. You are my life, you are the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life."

I began to cry as every word he spoke touched every part of my body. I am his life, his woman and I should tell him everything. 

"I love you too Jordan Cross. You are my everything." 

I kissed him and he returned the kiss like our lives depended on it for survival.

Dear April

Never be afraid to share your burden with your soul mate. Don't deprive yourself of the happiness you deserve because of a decision you took on your own. 

"I think I might be into BDSM" I confessed as we withdrew from the hug. 

"And that is a tiny problem I can fix. Which one are you?" 

"A submissive,"  I said shyly. 

"Well you my dear April just found yourself a dominant and you are in for one hell of a ride." 

He carried me in his arms into the bedroom and there and then, our lives began a new chapter, one that will definitely make our relationship the best I've ever had.

I know there are obstacles we'll need to climb, enemies we'll need to fight and mostly demons we'll need to overcome but there's one thing that'll remain consistent in all of this, it's the fact that I April Denver, will forever love this man. Scar or no Scar you are my soulmate Jordan and I will never let you go. 

JORDAN

I Jordan Cross, will be your Dominant for as long as you want me to. I will forever hold dear the bond we share. I love you Mrs April .J. Cross.