10

"Hey, guys. You really came!" I welcomed them. I wasn't really expecting them to go with me since you know, it's the new year.

"Yeah, of course. We gotta help a friend. Besides, my parents wanted me gone at home." Darwin laughed.

"Same. They got sick of my face for just a few days." Sam said while frowning.

"Make yourselves comfortable. I'll get us snacks." They sat down in the living room and got us something to eat and drink.

They were all laughing and talking about something when I arrived. "Here you go." I placed the food on the table.

"Look, Tib! It's you!" They pointed at the picture frame they were holding. It was a picture from when I was in elementary. But I was together with Diesel in the picture.

"Yep. That's me right there. And the one beside me is Diesel." I smiled while distributing the drinks.

"Ohh. Such good looking guys. You guys really look good together." They giggled while having fun looking at my old photos. Mom kept the photo album in the living room and I gave them permission to open some of them.

"Hey, oh lord. Guy's you really need to stop laughing at my baby pictures." I held my temple because my head was aching because of these dorks.

"You look cute in this jumper! I wish I could've met baby Tiberius. Look at his cheeks." Angel said while giggling. Well, they're really enjoying this. They all pinched my cheeks on the photo.

"Well, the grown up Tiberius is way better." I smirked. They all looked at me with disbelief. "Wow, what are friends for? Wow, you can't even agree with me." I sarcastically laughed and clapped and walked towards the guest room.

I heard them laugh and stand up. I guess they followed me. "Will we stay here? It's so pretty." Angel admired the design of the room and the furniture in there.

"Yep." I popped the letter p. "And this dork will stay with me." I pointed at Darwin.

"Yey!" He raised his arms and clapped.

"Oh, Tib, can we wash up before we go meet Diesel?"

"Yep. You guys can go wash up and I'll just get ready." Darwin followed me to my room.

"Here." I gave him a towel and he placed it on top of his bag that was already on the floor.

"Your room's so clean." He complimented. I guess?

"Well, yeah. We gotta keep it clean." I chuckled and sat on my swivel chair while he was sitting on my bed.

He noticed the letters on top of the study table and looked at me. He also saw some pictures of D and I. I had a lot of those on my study table. Some were from the box.

"Suit yourself. I don't mind you knowing since we'll be visiting him today." I smiled. I know he was curious. And he only read some of the letters.

I was just looking at how his expression changed while reading. He covered his mouth and looked at me, asking if what he read was true.

I nodded. "Yep."

•

"Guys! We're ready!" The girls shouted from downstairs.

"Alright! We'll be there in a minute." Darwin answered for us.

I looked at him. "Is this okay or is it too much?" I was asking him about my outfit. I wore a white turtleneck and black slacks. I styled my hair up as well. I also wore the necklace but now had two rings.

He gave me a thumbs up. "He'll love it."

We laughed and decided to go down. The girls seem to be waiting for a while. They all gasped at me and Darwin. They clapped their hands and smiled.

"Perfect!" We laughed and decided to go. We brought an umbrella in case it rains.

"I'll be driving today. Don't worry I have a license." I informed them before starting the car.

"We trust you, sir. Please take us to our destination!" The girls at the back eagerly said which made Darwin and I laugh.

"Okay, let's go!" I started the car and drove. I toured them a little and the park caught their attention.

"Woah, cool. You can see the sky here pretty well."

"Yeah. It's a pretty place to take a picture or if you just want to admire the sky. Wanna stop here later after our appointment?" I asked them and they nodded while smiling so brightly.

I saw Darwin and he was looking rather down. If I was in his position, I'll probably be sad as well. But I don't want him frowning like this. We should be happy since it's the new year. You should start your year with a smile.

"Darwin." I called him and motioned him to smile and laughed.

He sighed and finally smiled. "Are you sure you're gonna do this?"

I nodded. "Of course. I should do this."

I smiled at him, assuring him that I'll be okay. "Let's go or we won't be able to watch the sun set later. This is the best view to see the sky."

We continued to travel and after a few minutes, we arrived at the columbarium. They were all shocked except for Darwin.

"Let's go meet him." I smiled at them. I was trying so hard not to let my smile fade. I'm afraid that maybe if I see his urn with a picture, I'll burst into tears.

"He's.. here?" The girls asked. "And you know?" They looked at Darwin who nodded.

"He saw the letters on my table. Letters from him." I explained to them and they were still dazed.

"Let's go, I'll introduce you to him." I smiled again but I felt my heart starting to tighten.

•

"Hey, D." We stood in front of him. It felt so weird. "I'm sorry I only visited you now. Ah, here are my friends. Darwin, Angel, and Samantha. I told you I'd make friends, right? I'm not that mean, you know." I chuckled.

"Happy birthday, Diesel." They said and placed small flowers inside as a present.

"Your guy's really loyal, you know." Darwin said to ease the awkwardness and sadness.

"Really handsome, too. He spends a lot of money on coffee as well." Sam chuckled.

We were all silently standing there. Darwin patted my shoulder. "We'll give you some space."

I nodded and waited for them to disappear. When I was sure they weren't there, I stood closer and touched the glass. I also placed a flower inside.

"Diesel. I miss you." I sighed and looked down. "I'm sorry, I'm only visiting you now. I was afraid of seeing your urn. I was afraid to accept the truth that you're no longer here. You're not by my side anymore, I won't get to see your brightness anymore. But I guess I should've still visited you. You hated being alone on your birthdays the most but I'm glad our parents are there." I smiled painfully. Surprisingly, I didn't feel like crying but my chest was tightening and aching.

"I wish I could hug you right now and kiss you. I want to greet you happy birthday like how I used to. But I know we really can't bring back some things. I hope you're doing well. I really miss you. We'll catch up the next time I visit, alright?" It was silent. It felt so weird not hearing his voice. But suddenly, I felt like something hugged me and kissed my forehead. It was like him telling me that he was there, he's always there for me, looking after me.

"I love you." I looked at his picture inside. He was never not smiling in a picture. I looked at his eyes and saw happiness. I smiled and stepped back. "I'll try to be happy from now on, D. And take note that I'll wait for you. I won't love anyone so you better wait for me in the next life, okay?" I softly said. I know it's childish but I want to be with him, only him, the next life and all of the other lives that I'll have.

•

As planned, we stopped by at the park to see the sun set. In the car ride, they were all quiet. And as we arrived at the park, we lined up and leaned on the railings.

"Don't be so awkward about it. You don't have to be quiet you know." I chuckled.

"We.. We just weren't expecting that. We thought you just broke up. We didn't know he died." Sam said in a serious tone while looking ahead.

I smiled. "That's why I told Darwin that he's my boyfriend. We never really broke up."

"I'm sorry for asking this but, what happened?" Darwin spoke. He looked so serious and it was the first time I saw him not smile. He's always the jolly one amongst us.

"20 y/o. We were second years." I felt the wind on my face. I heard the clashing sound of the leaves as they danced. I looked at the sky and the sun that was about to meet the moon and be replaced by it.

"Auntie! I rushed here as soon as I saw your message. What happened?" I was panting when I arrived. Auntie held my shoulder.

"He didn't want to tell you, Tib. He has Chronic Kidney Disease. He was supposed to get a transplant this year but.." she stopped talking and covered her mouth. Her tears were falling nonstop. "But the hospital g-gave it to the governor." She sobbed and was having a hard time continuing to explain. "They said the governor was more important. But they knew that our Diesel needed it more."

I rubbed her back to calm her down and led her to a seat. We sat down and I was holding her hand. I'm not yet able to fully process everything I'm hearing right now. But me crying is the last thing that I want Auntie to see. She's broken enough as it is and seeing me broken will not do us any good.

"Auntie, breath. Take it slow." I squeezed her hand and still rubbed her back. She followed me and started to explain to me slowly.

"He's in pain. Constantly in pain because of his kidney. He didn't want to tell you because he knew what damage it can do to you." She sighed. "I told him that it's the best to tell you everything. He's missing his chance to make the most of his remaining days if ever and to say goodbye to you. That was before we knew that they weren't conducting the transplant on him. He's so stubborn." She wiped her tears. "We really thought he had a chance."

I sighed. "Can I talk to him?"

Auntie instantly nodded. "Go. He doesn't have much time left. That kidney was the only thing that was supposed to save him. Please be by his side." She smiled at me while her eyes were glistening because of tears. She squeezed my hand and let go of it.

I walked as fast as I could to go to his room. When I opened the room, he was sitting there, pale. I was trying to convince myself that this isn't the end. That maybe there can be a miracle.

"Diesel." I gently called him. He turned his gaze to me and flashed me a smile.

"Hey, Tibby. You're here." He opened his arms and I immediately walked to him and hugged him tightly.

"You could've told me, you dumbass."

He chuckled. "Well, I didn't. And here we are now. I'll be honest with you, the pills I told you were my vitamins, those were medications."

I sighed. I pulled away from the hug and sat on the chair beside his bed. "Stubborn as always." I held his hand, fondled his fingers.

"Stay with me until tomorrow, okay?" He squeezed my hand and kissed it.

I leaned to him to kiss his lips but he covered it. "It's dry and chapped."

"And who cares?" I gently held his face and kissed him.

When I pulled away he was blushing. I stroked his hair and chuckled. "You're cute as ever."

"I know." He proudly smirked. We laughed at what we were doing and spent the remaining hours before his birthday smiling.

"Wanna sleep already?" I asked him as I was brushing his hair. His eyes looked tired and his skin was pale and cold.

"Hmm." He nodded and smiled.

I fixed his bed and lowered it so that he could sleep. I fixed his pillows and comforter, and kissed his forehead.

I saw the wall clock. "Happy birthday, D." I smiled but his eyes were closed.

"Thank you, Tibby." He smiled as well and I hugged him. "Tibby?" He called me.

"Yes?" I sat back down, holding his hand while waiting for him to answer me. I was nervous.

"I love you." He softly said. I kissed his hand.

"I love you, too, Diesel." I shut my eyes close and waited for him to chuckle. But nothing. No response. He was still smiling but he didn't respond to me anymore. I pulled his hand closer to my lips.

"Please, D. Not today." I wasn't able to hold my tears anymore. The pain I felt earlier finally got out. My tears were falling as if it had minds of their own. I told myself countless times to stop crying but it just won't. I felt my heart being torn to pieces as I was feeling how his hand got colder. It didn't even have a pulse anymore. I didn't even hear him breathing anymore. "Come back, Diesel. Please come back to me. You told me we'd go for drinks when we're officially of legal age, right? You're 21 now. Who do I drink with when you're not here anymore?"

I cried and cried. It was excruciating. I witnessed his last words, he spent his last moments with me. And just like how we first confessed to each other, that's how we also ended. That day, under the empty sky, he left me. The same as I lost my light, the sky also lost its stars which made it bright that night. As if it knew that we were about to lose Diesel.

"Well, I guess he was 21." I smiled. A small pang of pain suddenly hit me. I actually saw the file that I'm always reading after his funeral. I saw his hidden folders as well containing pictures of us.

"Then I guess we should drink till we pass out today." Darwin shrugged and smiled.

They all moved close to me and hugged me. We were all laughing when I pushed them because I really am not used to this kind of thing but I am very happy that I've found friends like these guys. I know they didn't comment further for us not to get sadder and I know they were worried about me.

And Diesel, my love, my sunshine. The person who never lost his brightness. The person who used his brightness to make me realize how beautiful the world is.

This life and the next ones, I love you. I will always love you.

Rest now, my love.

Page 105. "It's possible to move on from someone even if your heart refuses to let go. And it's not something you need to consciously do. It will just happen gradually, over time. The ache will always be there, but the intensity will fade, and you'll find other beautiful things to fill your day." -Lang Leav, Sea of Strangers.