Confessions and Confrontations

"I don't remember ever saying I stopped loving you," he says softly, moving closer after I break the kiss and step back about five steps. I hold my head high and growl softly. "You didn't have to, Vlad. Your behavior said it for you," I snap back. He smiles at me softly, reaching up to touch my face gently. I unconsciously lean into the touch, so comforting and familiar. "I'm a complicated man, D. You know that," he mutters softly, moving closer. I snap out of my own mind and push him away, watching him stumble as I catch him off guard. "Rocket science is complicated, Vlad. A human woman is complicated. You? You're infuriating. You're hot and cold. You say you want one thing and then act like you never said it. Words come so easily to you but does meaning them? You admitted having wished we had gotten back together. After I was with Bear," I snap. He sighs, moving towards me. I raise a hand to stop him, glaring at him. "You don't want me. You want who I was; a scared and naïve young woman that was desperate for actual love. A girl that begged you to come back. But I'm not her. Not anymore. And you can't stand that. You can't stand that the one woman that loved you so much it almost killed her, can fall in love with someone else. Is happy without you."

He raises a cool eyebrow as he listens, a passive smirk on his face. Goddess I want to punch it off. He closes the distance between us in a few stride, backing me against a wall with his hands on either side of my head. "My turn to talk now, Dawn," he says huskily. I narrow my eyes and suppress a growl. He curls a finger under my chin, tilting my head up gently. "I never said I didn't love you anymore. Did I leave? Yes. Was it a mistake? Yes. One that I regret. But I do still love you. That didn't change. If I could undo it, I would," he says softly. I feel my heart stutter before it breaks again. A feeling I've learned to associate with him, amongst others. I push him away, fighting tears. "Almost two years I begged you to say those words. I went to your best friend for Goddess' sake! Trying to understand what I'd done so wrong to warrant this hollow but heavy feeling in my chest! For months I racked my brain, blaming myself! Pointing out every single goddammed flaw in myself! Because I loved you! I still do! I quit talking to you because I love Bear so damned much and I feel horrible talking to you knowing I love you and him! I feel like a slut loving both of you," I scream. I silently thank the goddess I thought to soundproof this room.

He pulls me to him, crushing my body his as he meets my heated glare. "Did you mean it that day you told me to take what I want? To fight more," he asks. I roll my eyes. "Of course I did. You have so damn much potential-" I'm cut off when his mouth comes crashing down on mine. His arms tighten around my hips, pulling me closer still as I hesitantly wrap my arms around his neck loosely. In the back of my mind, Wynter growls but doesn't know how to feel either. In high school, we were so ready to claim him as our mate. We wanted to so badly. But he left. Abandoned us.

Instead of thinking though, I act. I respond to his kiss fiercely, pouring all of my love and heartbreak into it. Kissing him like it's the last thing I'll ever do. I'd made myself forget how it felt to kiss him; to hold him and for a moment, just one moment in time, I allow myself to pretend he loves me. That he never wants to let me go. And his kiss does nothing to contradict that. For just this moment, I feel like I did in high school with him; loved and cherished. Passionate. Vivacious. For just this moment, I allow the ice that's held my heart for so long to thaw just a little. Part of me screams to stop this. But a bigger part tells her to shut up and enjoy this for just a little longer. Because as soon as it stops, he'll be gone again and so will his love. This is just to prove a point to me. As I fight my internal battle, he backs me up against the wall, deepening the kiss as his arms move so his hands grip my hips. As soon as his hand skims the bare skin, I snap back to reality. I push him away again, gasping for breath as my heart breaks more. "Why? You have your girlfriend. I haven't met her but I'm sure she's a sweet girl," I say sharply. He looks at me conflicted. "She is," he says cautiously. I know that tone. There's a but coming. "But so are you. Mostly," he finishes. Wynter growls, having made a choice as she shoves me aside and takes control.

Wynter

I feel my human's resolve weakening. He does this. He brings her to this. And I can't allow that anymore. I shove him back and grab his throat. "She loved you. WE loved you. And you threw us away. You say she's sweet? But you didn't give two shits when you ABANDONED us. She cried in that shower for an hour that day. When you figure out what you want, you can talk to her. If you try before that, I won't hesitate to have you removed from this property," I snarl, shoving him into the chair behind him before storming out.

VLAD

Watching her leave, I'm left in shock. I never had many dealings, if any, with her wolf. Her sister made sure she kept in check. But from the one I just had, she certainly seems strong. I wasn't lying when I told them I love them. Or that I regret leaving. I do. And often wonder why the hell I did leave. Dawn has always bounced between introverted and quiet and extroverted and confident. In school I remember her friends, including Bear, laughing about her sitting on desks versus in them. I remember sitting in on a couple classes of hers where she blatantly ignored the teacher in favor of reading or writing. Maybe drawing. I remember her anxiety being bad and I've no doubt she still has it. But she seems to handle it better. Externally anyway. I messed up when I left. She has him now, but she advised I take what I want. Well, Dawn, I want you back, love. And I won't give up without a fight this time.

DAWN

Closing my door behind me, a rush of emotions slams into me like a damn tidal wave all at once. Not for the first time, I fond myself wishing my grandparents were here. That my siblings were here. Stepping into the alpha role never allowed for me to grieve. Not really anyway. I just pushed it all down, even at the funerals. No tears were shed from me. My pack needed to know I could lead them and protect them.

I can feel the warm sensation of salt water running down my cheeks and furiously swipe the tears away. Eventually, I lock my bedroom door and crawl into bed, emotionally exhausted, and drift off into the abyss of sleep.

I open my eyes, sitting up and looking around. But I'm not in my own room, I'm in my old one. Before the fire. And I'm not alone, I realize when I see a small six year old with platinum ringlets and big blue eyes go darting through me. Through me, like I'm no more than a ghost. "Dawn," a voice calls sweetly from the distance. I pinch my eyebrows together when the little girl's head snaps up and she darts out the door. Rushing to follow her, I brush past people quickly. I follow her all the way to a large room lined with books and figures alike. My grandfather's office. And in front of me, my grandparents stand beaming down at the child. Looking at her, it finally clicks that she is me. I forgot mema always said they thought my green hazel eyes would stay blue.

"Hello, my little dreamer." Mema's voice pulls me from my reverie, drawing my attention to her as she and papa sit on the couch with little me, both looking serious. "Dawn, you know what today is, don't you," papa asks. My blonde curls bob as I nod my head with a toothy grin. "Today starts the Blood Season," I say knowingly. My eyes widen as I remember this day. The Blood Season was something us kids were told just enough about to know not to venture out, but the particulars were always kept from us. Every few years, wolves went missing. Grown wolves were slaughtered just outside our territory. Mema and papa called me in when signs began showing of it starting again and warned me to stay out of the woods. I realize I zoned put when little me goes darting through me again and down the stairs. I follow her again, out the front door and...across our territory lines. Goddess, how did I never notice I'd gone so far past them? Who the hell lets a six year old run off on their own anyway?! I follow me all the way into No Man's Land, stopping at a massive oak tree. I watch as she sits down, her back against the trunk. She perks up when we hear a rustle in the leaves above us. A chill runs down my spine when I can hear a low rumbling growl, but I can't see anything through the dense foliage that adorns the trees.

"Hello little alpha," a raspy voice growls out. I shudder, but little me smiles excitedly. "Hi, mr. Wolf," she says excitedly. But she never moves to look up or turn around. I was either a really brave or really stupid kid. Or both. "How are you," the voice, mr. Wolf, growls out. His voice sounds predatory  but still she doesn't run.

"I'm good! Mema and papa say the Blood Season is coming, so they want me to stay home," little me says animatedly. She pouts, crossing her little arms across her chest. A low chuckle drifts down from the tree. "You really should listen to them, little alpha. They merely want to protect you." Little me huffs indignantly at the implication that she can't protect herself. I remember all the boys my age made fun of me because, courtesy of my parents, I was smaller than everyone else. "But I like coming out to talk to you! You're my friend." Her tone is pleading and petulant, every bit the child she is. Another chuckle draws my eyes back up, searching in vain. I know what this is now. It's a memory, which means I won't see him. "As you are mine, but as your friend, I will ask you to stay home, little alpha. I don't want you hurt any more than your family does." I look back down and suddenly realize my little eyes are glassy with tears as her bottom lip trembles.

Seeming to sense the shift in her mood, the teasing tone leaves mr. Wolf's voice. "Dawn, what is it?" His tone comes out sharp, like he's reprimanding her, causing a whimper to escape her lips. "Only mema and papa care. Mommy and daddy don't," she whispers. My heart cracks, remembering the heartache I felt that day when I realized my mysterious friend loved me more than my own parents.

"I care about you, Dawn, and I want you safe. Promise me you'll stay within your territory," he says gently but firmly. Little me sniffles and nods as tears start to escape.

"I heard daddy tell mommy that he doesn't want to pay for me, so he'll let Jason adopt me. But if he adopts me, won't that mean he takes me from mommy?" I sigh, remembering this logic. My parents weren't mates. Just two wolves that thought they fell in love. I was a product of the relationship, but when it came down to it, neither parent really wanted to parent. "You should go home to your mema and papa, little alpha. The sun will be down soon," mr. Wolf says eventually. Little me nods and gets up, smiling to herself. "I love you, mr. Wolf," she calls up. A rumbling chuckle tickles my ears before he replies. "I love you too, Little Red." Little me runs off, and I'm thrust back into darkness.