The Waiting Game

Looking around, I realize I'm still dreaming but this is a different memory. I look over when I hear laughter and see myself, now thirteen, running to the oak. I collapse at the bottom of it and sit down. "Hi, mr. Wolf," I say excitedly. A low laugh echoes down. "Good afternoon, Little Red. What has you so excited today," he asks. I can hear the sincerity and care in his voice, but I dont think teenage me even noticed. "I started high school today, and I met someone named Jake. He's so sweet. He gets a little angry, but he wouldn't hurt me." I feel my chest constrict when I recall who she's talking about. The first in many fucked up relationships.

"Be careful with young men, Little Red, they are not always as kind as they seem," mr. Wolf cautions. But his warning falls on deaf ears. I can see the excitement in her eyes and remember how she was feeling. "How is the pack," mr. Wolf asks abruptly. Teenage me frowns, having wanted to keep gushing over Jake. "They're okay I guess. Mema and papa are stressed. I overheard papa tell the guards that Ferals have been sighted around us." My eyes snap up when I hear a rumbling growl and he shifts restlessly from his unseen spot. "You will be safe, Little Red." Teenage me smiles, content that someone outside of mema and papa will reassure her.

They sit idly and talk back and forth for a while before she runs off, just as little me did, and disappears into the trees. This time, when she vanishes, I jolt awake. I sigh, running a hand through my now tangled and gnarly tresses, wincing when I tug my fingers through a knot. I sigh and stand up, looking at my clock. Seven in the morning. May as well stay up now, I suppose. Maybe I can get some more work done. Heading to my office, I stop in the kitchen and make myself some chai, before going back up. I close the door softly behind me and sit down at my desk, booting my computer up and sitting back waiting. We really need to invest in a new computer, Wynter mumbles tiredly. I chuckle softly; not even the wolf is awake yet. Eventually, the ancient thing loads completely and I set in on the mountain of work I've been putting off.

Ashton comes and goes throughout the day, but ultimately I spend most of it locked away in my office trying to play catch up. It takes what feels like forever for word to come from Bear's pack that Misty has made it. When I met Bear in high school, he was a human with a girlfriend and a seemingly happy life. But every light creates a shadow. His happened to be darker than some. Wynter and I immediately recognized him as our mate but neither of us wanted to drag him into our life. I was being groomed to be an alpha. No human should be forced into this life. Towards the end of our senior year, he was attacked by a Feral and turned. When I got the news, Wynter and I sat by his bedside praying he'd wake up while covering our scent. As far as he knows he's never met his mate. But that's going to change when he comes here. I just hope he isn't so enraged he rejects me. I haven't spoken to Bear directly since we graduated. I've always had Julianna deal with him as needed but that isn't often. Bear usually prefers to keep to himself. He doesn't even come to the monthly meetings, he sends his Beta, James. Being my Beta it's part of her job. Most alphas have their full Nexus number from birth. But we hit some...hitches in ours. It felt too forced with my other Gamma. And then Jules joined the pack and we realized she was the missing piece. She's been my Beta since, Misty deciding she didn't want that responsibility. So she slid right into the position of Gamma and Jules took her spot as Beta. It takes probably about a twelve hour flight to get to Bear's pack from ours. So she likely won't be back for a couple days. Hopefully she prepares him. Last time the topic of Vlad came up between us, he had to leave because his wolf was so angry. I can't afford to have him killing Vlad while he's on our pack property.

The phone rings on my desk and I put it on speaker, not caring enough to pick it up. "Alpha Dawn." I answer shortly, pulling a stack of files towards me. "Dawn," a masculine voice says on the other end. I tense up and lock my jaw. "To what do I owe the displeasure, former alpha Haselwood," I ask sharply. I hear a growl on the other end and sneer. "Go pull the stick out of your ass and play fetch with it, Ravyn. Now what do you want, Scott," I demand. "Is that any way to speak to your dad?" I growl and clench my fist. I swear besides Vlad, this man can piss me off faster than anyone. "No, but I'm not speaking to my dad, I'm speaking to a sire. Or sperm donor if you prefer. Now what do you want? I won't ask a third time," I snap. "I heard you have a few Rogues on your land that haven't been dispatched yet. Why is that," he asks. I snarl, slamming my fist down on my desk. "How dare you question me about my pack. At least mine are still alive and thriving, not wasting away like yours because you allow your bitch to run it," I snarl. "What I do with my pack and who I allow in it is none of your concern. Nothing I do is any of your concern. You and your wife can rot in hell for all I care. Don't bother contacting me further unless it's for official business or I'll come up and tear you apart myself." I pick up the receiver and slam it down, shaking with rage. My door opens and Ash comes in, his face scrunched in concern. "Do I want to know what that was about," he asks, settling into the chair across from my desk.

I look down at my fists, clenching them in an attempt to stop the shaking. "Someone told him about the Rogues being here. He thought he'd ask me about it, " I growl. Ash blinks rapidly, processing my words. "And that's his place why," he asks finally. I smirk coldly. "My point." He shakes his, but says nothing else. "Speaking of our resident rogue, he's looking for you," he says casually. I roll my eyes, finally sitting down and returning my attention to my paperwork. "Let him. But keep him away from my office, Ash. I mean it," I say, looking at him pointedly.

Ashton has, in the past, tried to play matchmaker and it ends in tragedy. Every damn time. He's never met Bear and while he isn't Vlad's biggest fan, he still knows what he means to me. If it means me being happy, he isn't above creating circumstances to benefit his agenda. He raises his hands in surrender just as my door bursts open and Vlad himself walks in. I groan and slam my head down on the desk with a dull thunk sound. "Dude," Ashton yells. I growl when Vlad comes around to touch me."If you lay a hand on me, be prepared to lose it within the same second," I growl without looking up. He chuckles softly but I feel him move away. Lifting my head, I glare at both of the men in my office. Wynter wants to smack both, I really just want some food. And for Vlad to go away.

"You don't belong in here, Vlad. This is an alpha's office and I don't recall having invited you in here in the first place." He grins at me and I can see him planning something. "Come for a run with me," he requests. I raise a skeptical eyebrow and lean back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest. "And I would do that because...?" He laughs and leans over the desk, resting his palms on it. "Because you're not afraid of me and you want to," he says. Wynter growls softly. He is not my mate and I am not going anywhere with him, she pouts. I chuckle softly at her antics before looking up at him. "Find someone else to run with you, Vlad. I have work to do. Now shoo," I say, waving my hands in the direction of the door. He rolls his eyes, pulling his phone out of his back pocket as he walks out. Ashton shuts the door behind him, smirking. "Amazing. He can text everybody but was never able to respond to me," I gripe. Ashton laughs heartily, resuming his place in his chair. "Is it the general texting that bothers you? Or maybe the who," he asks when he finally settles down.

I glower at him, growling softly as he chuckles. "Don't bite my head off. It's a legitimate question," he says, raising his hands in surrender. I sigh, running my hand through my golden tresses in frustration. "Yes, I'm jealous of her. Happy? I'm jealous that she has him now and I had him then. I'm jealous that he posts to social media about her, jealous that he texts her. I'm jealous. Are you satisfied," I snap. He sighs, getting up and coming around the desk, leaning against the edge of it. "D, I don't do this to hurt you. But he's moved on," he says gently, all traces of joking gone. I sigh, blinking rapidly as tears prick my eyes. "I know. And I wish he would be cruel or cold and make it easy to hate him. I wish I could stop loving him. Goddess I wish I could. Love hurts more than it's worth. But instead I flirt and he plays along. He makes me think maybe he still loves me when really he doesn't. Not like that anyway. He entertains my notions because it makes me feel better and he knows it. He pities me. And somehow that hurts more," I say. By the end of my words, my voice is barely above a whisper. I close my eyes fighting tears. I don't know how many hundreds, maybe thousands, of tears I've shed for him. It doesn't matter. My heart aches with longing thinking about him. My mind screams to forget him. And there are days I wish I could. I wish I could hate him. Wish I could just dismiss him like all the flings. But the truth is, he wasn't a fling. He was my first love. The man I gave my virginity to. For years he was my everything. Goddess I want the pain to go away. But I also know this pain is what helped shape me into the alpha I am. If I had kept Vlad around, I never would have become who I am. I was a lovesick young girl with him. Desperate for acceptance from somebody. And he gave me that. When he took it away, I hardened myself enough that nobody will ever have that power over me. I love my pack, am fully devoted to them and their best interest. The pack is my priority.

I cherish and love each and every member of it like they are my own blood family. And I would go to the ends of the earth for my pack. Unlike some packs, mine does not rebel and demand I have a mate by my side. I have proven time and again in their eyes that I am a more than capable alpha on my own with my Nexus Number beside me. We run this pack together. We keep our people safe. Sure I may not be the most strategic alpha; that role goes to alpha Mikael of the Blue Dusk Pack. I'm not the most bloodthirsty; that title belongs solely to alpha Ismael of the Blue Blood Pack. I am not the head of all alphas. That spot is reserved for my dear friend Alpha Rolando of the Moonstone Pack. Each of us alphas have our strengths and weaknesses. And mine suit my pack just fine. Each of us alphas are unique in every aspect. Mine happens to have stemmed from losing my True Mate and my Claimed Mate. That pain made me stronger. Made me resilient. So many alphas are blinded by the love for their mate and there's nothing wrong with that. But I'm content without mine because I still have my pack.