Can You Say, "Awkward"?

Vlad walks back into my office later in the evening, closing the door softly behind him. I glance up before taking another long drink of the tinted liquid in front of me. He raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms. "Drinking, Dawn? I thought you were better than clichés," he says smartly. I left my lip in a snarl. "It's apple juice. I don't drink," I growl. "So you're of sound mind to maintain a conversation then?" My jaw ticks as I fight the urge to snarl again. Instead, I swish my juice around in the glass. "I'm capable of it. But I don't have any desire to have one, much less with you," I reply passively. He quirks and eyebrow, sitting in the seat usually occupied by Ash or Jules. I narrow my eyes at him before leaning forward, resting my forearms on my desk, my juice held in my hands. "I'm not in a sociable mood Vlad. So this had better be important or you can leave," I growl. He relaxes in the chair, looking around my office quizzically. "Bit masculine for your tastes, isnt it," he asks.

I growl low in my chest, fighting the urge to slap him. "It's temporary. This particular office will be my mate's when I have one," I growl. "And that's what I want to talk about," he says quickly. I raise my eyebrow, watching him. "My office décor?" He shoots me an exasperated look and shakes his head. "Why are you breaking the mate bond between us?" I tense up, shattering my glass in my hands as I do. Memories flash through my mind as i remember how happy he made me in high school. Once upon a time. All the laughter and genuine smiles. Shaking it off, I mask my hurt as I meet his eyes. "Why keep it? What good does it do either of us? What we had was cute, but it's in the past. And to be frank, I'm tired of feeling the pull to a man that doesn't feel the same. So, when Bear arrives, the bond will break to make way for a true mate bond," I say flippantly. His eyes widen marginally and he stands up, coming around my desk to get closer.

I stand up, Wynter not liking feeling challenged in her own office. He grips my upper arms gently and stares into my eyes for a moment. "Why? Why throw it away," he demands. Finally, I have enough. I shove him back, pushing him onto the couch against the wall. I can feel raw power building in my veins as Wynter begs to be freed. "How dare you ask me that? We broke up in two-thousand and fifteen, Vlad! How many years after did I pine for you? Beg you to reconsider? And when I thought that we had made progress, your best friend tells me you actually have a girlfriend. How humiliating do you think that was for me, not once but twice! Why, when I make a choice for my own good, do you choose to tell me how you feel? Tell me you love me? I have struggled to do it, but dammit I'm finally realizing that you have hurt me and not only that but you ENJOYED the power you had over me. Over my heart. I'm finally realizing I loved you far more than you loved me. If you ever did. Why am I doing this? Because I fucking can. Because I am sick of being heartbroken over a man that couldn't care less. Because it fucking sucks to only half have a mate I chose over my true one. Because I shouldn't have to numb myself from pain when you screw your delicate human. I'm so glad you could move on so easily and still play me, Vlad. I hope you had your laughs, because it's over. Now get the hell out of my office before I rip you apart," I snarl. He stands up slowly, walking towards me purposefully and never breaking eye contact.

Pulling me close, he leans down and whispers in my ear, "I never enjoyed hurting you. I didn't move on easily. I did not intentionally utilize any power I might have had over you. I did not mean to make it seem like I played you, nor do I mean to hurt you," he whispers before turning and walking out. Wynter whimpers in my head and, looking into the mirror on my wall, I notice my eyes are blazing green. I sink to my knees, bowing my head as silent tears cascade down my cheeks. I send a silent prayer to whatever deity may be listening to make this pain go away. Make the hurt go away. I pray for freedom from the cage that holds my heart captive. The one he holds the key to. After what feels like hours, I wear myself out physically just from crying and lay down on my office floor, not caring how immature it seems. I lay on my side, one arm stretched straight out, and rest my head on my arm. I stare into nothingness as tears continue falling, blinding me and blurring the world around me as only they can.

I hear the door open, but I can't bring myself to care. Or to move. It closes behind him softly and I hear the lock click into place. Ashton sits down beside me, pulling my head gently into his lap. He hums softly, stroking my head for a few minutes before reaching up and pulling the blanket off the couch and covering me. Shudders rack my body as I silence my own sobs, unable to control myself. And I hate every second of it. "Have you taken your happy pills," he asks gently. I shake my head wordlessly, but make no move to get up to retrieve aforementioned 'happy pills'.

After a few hours of crying and shaking, I finally manage to calm down. As the tears stop, my throat seems to tighten. "Ash...why am I never good enough..." I ask softly. I feel him tense under me but his hand doesn't stop stroking my hair. "You're more than good enough, little wolf. You're more than they deserve. Either of them," he says, referring to both Scott and Vlad. "And the others," I ask. He sighs softly and leans down, pressing a tender kiss to my temple. "None of them deserved you, little wolf. You're by no means perfect, but you're certainly too good for this world," he says gently. I feel my eyes flutter and, not for the first time, I find myself fighting to stay awake. My brain begs for rest, a migraine blooming in my head making my skull feel like its cracking from all the crying. My lungs hurt from choking back the sobs and scream for air. My whole body aches and pleads for rest. The soothing rythm of his hand gently stroking my hair is like a silent lullaby. I feel him gently lift me from my place on the ground but I don't fight him. I never really do fight him. Because at the end of the day, he's always been the one by my side. He opens a door and as soon as he steps in, his scent wafts into my face, calming and gentle. Familiar. He gently lays me on his bed and slides in behind me, pulling me against him. I move my head as his arm snakes under my head, laying back down on his bicep. I close my eyes, trying to ease the pain from crying so much before drifting off.

Ashton

Finding Dawn like that on her office floor breaks my heart. It isn't the first time. Thankfully she detests the taste and smell of alcohol so she's never drunk. She just doesn't take her Bupropion for one reason or another. Eventually after missing it for too many days, her depression will get the better of her. And then we have these situations. The worst one to date was when I found her crying and screaming in her room. She had trashed it completely, shattering every picture of her mother, burning things from her, breaking any and everything she could. Her arms were dripping blood where she caught them on something or other in her rage. Eventually I got her to calm down into at least a crying state.

"I wish you could be my mate," she mumbles softly. I freeze and look down at her, furrowing my eyebrows. It isn't like I've never considered it but for her to voice it is something else altogether. Snakes and wolves can't mate. It's as simple as that. Part of me wonders if this is her being petty. But another part knows damn well it's because of Vlad. Him and Bear. Bear has never hurt her. Not like Vlad did. Knowing Bear will be here soon I think has her so stressed she doesn't know how to cope. "Shh get some sleep, little wolf," I whisper softly, kissing the back of her head. If I could take away her pain I would. But for the time being, I'll content myself with being her lover and friend.

DAWN

As I sleep, I begin to dream again. Another memory starts to unfold before me and this time I'm ready. Mostly. I watch an older me, probably about the time I was eighteen, comes into the house slowly. I tense when I feel someone in the room, growling softly when I realize it's my mother. "Where the hell have you been," she demands. I lift my lip in a growl as I watch younger me roll her eyes. "I was out. What do you care?" Her tone is cold and snarkier than I remember being but then I know what night this is and frankly I was beyond caring how I sounded. "You were out with Vlad again, weren't you? You're acting like a tramp, Dawn! Is that how you want people to see you? Because i can make that happen." I see my mother's eyes flash a dark brown almost black. "Takes a tramp to know one, doesn't it, mother," my younger self spits. "Do not lecture me on morals, mother. Not when we both know what I know." She turns her back to my mom. The first in a line of mistakes I made that evening. Within moments, my mother's hands are around my throat from behind. Everything looks like it's suddenly moving in slow motion as young me reaches behind her and digs her claws into our mother's side, forcing her to let go. She spins around, not giving her mother her back again as she backs out of the room. Mom lunges for her again, but she moves at the last second. "How fucking dare you speak to me that way! I am your mother goddammit and I deserve respect," she screeches.

"No. Respect is earned and not once in my life have you done one thing to earn it. You think because you let some guy knock you up, the child automatically has to respect you? Bullshit. If that were the case, you'd respect mema. And we both know you don't. You stay with her and papa because they're free childcare while you go out with goddess knows who to do everybody knows what. For whatever reason, you are so desperate and unhappy with yourself that you'll open your legs for any man that so much as smiles at you. It's disgusting and pathetic. You slept with my dad, regretted it, cried rape, then made ME your fucking pawn against one another for almost three goddamned years! When he signed away his right, you made Sebastian adopt me and then had my brother! You dated Sebastian for a month before you two were engaged. Another two months and you were married. A year later you had my brother. After four years of marriage you divorced him, citing infidelity as your reason. That was husband number two. Husband number three came along. He was your fucking coworker! But hey he seemed sweet and stupid, just your type. So you got together. Had him over daily and eventually married him after six and a half months. Three years later, your marriage is crumbling so you have baby number three. My little sister. But who would have thought a baby wouldn't fix a relationship," she stops, her hand over her heart as she feigns shock. "Imagine that! Husband number three is kicked out and divorced. Then comes husband number four. A real gem that one! He came with another daughter who you then pitted me against. I'll admit I fucked up. Bad. I sprayed lysol on her pillow while she was laying there because you told me she was sick and it needed to be lysoled. That was on me. I should have said no. But at fifteen, what child says no to the parent they are afraid of? You called her a slut! She was fourteen! You told me, after I let you and him know she was sending explicit videos and messages to men twice her age, that one of them threatened to kill our family and she said ok. You knew how I would react to that and you used it to your benefit. Then came her senior year! You saw to it she was on a leash at all times. You told me her boyfriend was dangerous and no good so I asked my friend to see if they were together because I was fucking worried for my sister! She went through my phone and found out. These were things I did at your behest. I shouldn't have but I was more afraid of you! And in the end it cost me my sister. Husband number four? Divorced. Because you weren't happy. Supposedly," she sneers. By now, my mom's face is red as a flame and her eyes are pure black. "I just want to be fucking happy, but apparently my kids don't want that for me," she cries. Younger me and I scoff at the same time. "And that brings us to hubby number five. I don't care that he's illegal. What I care about is that during divorce from hubby number four, my siblings and I were forced to flee from our home because he got violent. So we took my dog, leaving the other two with you because mine was the daintiest and easiest to hurt, and we lived with mema and papa for almost four months. All the while you already moved a new guy in and were screwing him after two fucking weeks of knowing him! And how did you meet him? Your brother who is sitting for life in prison sent him to guard you. But hey what the hell? We don't need to know him, just fuck him. And when we finally get to come home, I'm told the next day he will be moving in permanently with his bratty teenage daughter with a stick up her ass. Stop me if this sounds familiar." She sneers at mom as her body shakes. "But this time, you say she doesn't have an attitude problem. She has turrets and it can't be helped. That she's socially uncomfortable, yet you force my brother, your own child, to work with new boyfriend. Forcing him, your son who is autistic and has stated for himself many times that he doesn't feel comfortable around people, to interact with strangers in rando jobsites your shady ass boyfriend takes him to. Let's talk about the boy toy of the year shall we? He has tattoos we aren't allowed to ask about. He is connected to your brother, again serving life in prison for goddess knows what, but we aren't allowed to know what he does for him. We aren't allowed to ask what he does for your brother. How he knows him. Why your brother is in prison. We aren't allowed to ask about his past. We're to shut up and accept that this shady ass loser is now living in our home. Again; husband number five. Keep it up, and you'll be a real female Henry VIII. Minus the executions. I went out to hang out with my boyfriend at a movie with friends. So of the two of us, who is the tramp here?" My mother screams unintelligibly and storms upstairs wordlessly, leaving younger me to go to her own room and hurling me into the darkness of a dreamless sleep.