Jealousy and Insecurity

I'm taken by surprise when my headphones are taken out of my ears and the noise in the cafeteria fill my eardrums. I look up and I'm met with grayish blue eyes.

"Hey," I greet Chester. I smile, but it doesn't seem as genuine as it did this morning. The smile on his face slowly slips and I'm guessing he noticed.

"What's wrong," he asks. He sits down next to me at our usual spot and places his tray of food down on the table. The rest of our group hasn't sat down yet. They're still in line waiting for food, so it's just me and Chester.

I can't help, but take notice of the girls around us sending me glares. I hadn't noticed before, but now I do.

They send flirtatious smiles to Chester and he takes notice of them for a couple of seconds. I frown at his action. He turns to me and I sigh in exasperation.

"It's nothing, Chester." I go to put my headphones back on, but he stops my action by grabbing my hands in his.

"It's obviously not nothing. You were good this morning and now you look upset. You were distant in Italian class too." He looks deep into my eyes, but I look away.

"I'm just nervous about the game later," I say, pulling the sleeves of my sweater around my hands. I didn't feel like talking about my doubts, insecurities, and jealousy with him.

"Your lying. Your confident about your abilities to win this game. It's something else." Before he can go on interrogating me, the twins join us at the table. I slip in my headphones and go back to drawing.

He doesn't try to force me to talk anymore and instead gives me some space.

I'm not sure what I'm drawing, but I'm letting my emotions lead me. At the moment, I see a forest and it's dark. I can feel the cold breeze around me and only the light of the moon guiding me.

As the music blasts in my ear, I furiously draw what comes to my mind. A girl on her knees in the middle of a dark forest, gashes on her knees and bleeding out, and a little bird in her hands. Her face is blocked by her hair, but I know exactly who the girl is.

I'm that girl, surrounded by her own darkness, coldness, and loneliness.

I remember holding the broken bird in my hand. Broken like me, but we were both able to heal.

Right now, I don't feel healed. I still feel broken and weak.

My concentration is broken from the sound of a high pitched laugh. I look up from my drawing to see everyone is at the table.

Everyone is involved in their own conversations, but what boils my blood is the girl standing by Chester and rubbing his shoulder with one of her hands.

He doesn't tell her to stop and I can see the determined look in her eyes. She's desperately flirting with him and she doesn't care that I'm right here.

I tear my headphones out of my ear.

"So, are you free tonight, Chester," the blonde girl asks. She eyes me from the corner of her eye. Before I can stop myself, I snap.

"No, he's not free tonight. Can you get your hands off of him." All conversation at the table stops and eyes turn to me. I only notice how loud I spoke when a couple of people from tables close by turn to see what's happening.

The girl turns fully to me, but the smirk on her face stays in place.

"Why don't you mind your business," she asks. "Your not his girlfriend."

On instinct, I pull Chester's face to mine and kiss his lips roughly, staking my claim. I was tired of everyone doubting our relationship, especially myself.

I don't give Chester enough time to react before I pull away from his lips. He's frozen in shock, still not being able to register what just happened. I look up at the girl and I see a tint of pink grow on her face.

"He's with me, so back off," I growl at her. I swat her hand off of him.

She picks up a plate of spaghetti off the table and slaps it in my face. Rage consumes me and all I see is red. Partially because of the tomato sauce in my face, but the other half is because of my anger.

My hand balls into a fist and it goes flying towards the girl's face. I make contact with her nose and she lets out a scream when it makes a cracking sound.

Blood spills out of her nose as she's in a stage of shock, but before I can do more damage, someone picks me up and carries me out of the cafeteria.

Before the door closes behind us, I hear someone yell food fight and the cafeteria breaks out in chaos. I'm pretty sure it was Alexander.

My kidnapper puts me down and I see it's Chester.

"What's going on with you today? One minute your distant and the next, your punching a girl in the face." He wasn't using a angry tone, but one of confusion.

"Why didn't you tell her to back off from you? I know I'm not your girlfriend or whatever, but I deserve at least that much decency and respect."

"Your mad because she asked me out? Spencer, I wasn't going to say yes. Isn't that all that matters?" I send him a look of bewilderment.

"No, it's not all that matters. I find it unbelievable that other girls believe that they can just come up to you and flirt, and you don't tell them to back off. We've been going out for a while now and you haven't even asked me to be your girlfriend." He tries to speak, but I cut him off.

"And then the girls said you never take things slow and that made me worried. Then Lily tells me how you've slept with most of the girls in the school and your just like Max, but I didn't want to believe her, but doubt slipped into my head. Girls keep sending me glares and keep flirting with you and I had to do something."

He tries to speak again, but I don't stop talking.

"I'm not done speaking," I glare at him. "The girl kept touching you and you didn't stop her and I couldn't help but feel angry at myself for feeling jealous and insecure. I felt weak and I kept thinking about what happened with Ryan and Max and how I'm never good with relationships. I thought about how maybe you don't really want me either just like the both of them."

At my last sentence, he finally stops me from talking by placing one of his hands over my mouth. He stops my long rant, breathes out a sigh, and moves closer to me.

"I'm not that guy anymore. I'm with you and forget about everyone and everything else. There's no need to doubt or feel insecure. I want you and no one else. I won't lie about my past, but I have changed." He wipes the tears that fell down my cheek.

"I didn't ask you to be my girlfriend yet because I wanted to take things slow for the both of us. We've been known for jumping into relationships with other people too fast and they didn't work out, so I thought you'd like it better if we didn't rush. That doesn't mean I don't like you."

"I'm scared," I admit to him. I wipe my nose with my sweater and continue crying.

"That's ok." He pulls me into a hug and I sob all over his shirt. "Can you trust me," he asks in a quiet voice.

"Of course I trust you."