Existential doubts

My eyes have opened once again, it was the morning the next day. The sound of birds outside probably woke me up, so I closed the window and looked at Lily on her bed. She was still sleeping, she must've been pretty tired after running that much. She was living a normal life while I was unable to even move. I don't know if my body was breathing. I put my clothes on and laid on the bed once again. Still staring at the ceiling, changing the target of my gaze every now and then. Lily, ceiling, palm. Loud breath and then repeat. Like this probably three or so times. I was not able to fully control my thoughts because of how much information came into my head recently. It's good to know that I will be in the same place as Lily, but is it truly what I want? I said that I want to protect her, but then again, what would be the point of protecting someone who might be as strong as I myself?