Confession

The moment you've fallen in love, it can't be force to stop. All that matters is the beating of your heart. A simple "hey" from Aaron and it feels like everyone can hear the sound of my heart beating, putting me in such a giddy mood.

"So, Ella... I was thinking..." Blythe started as I arrange my pieces for today's practice.

"Yeah?" she fidgets as I ask her.

"I'm planning on confessing to Aaron" she giggled as she screams internally.

"What..?"

I froze as everything started to shatter. She like him all this time? I can't even think right now. She smiled genuinely as she nodded in response.

"I didn't know you like him—I...Wow..." I scoffed, "How—When did you...start liking him?" I breathe deeply and tried to give her the best smile I could give.

"Hmm...I think it was when we walked home together. I mean, he's such a gentleman, you know that? He's sweet and kind and... literally a full package" she chuckled. "And I really like him so that's why I'm telling you now...that I'll be confessing to him later" she shrieked in excitement.

It hasn't even been that long and she already likes him, not that I criticize her love. It's just that... he doesn't even know everything about Aaron.

"Oh...Well, uh, I wish you good luck and I hope he likes you back" my mouth smiled yet my eyes remained stony. I felt my heart throb as I imagine them both being together, holding hands, kissing, getting married. It felt like throwing up.

"Yes! I hope so too" she giggled, "And thank you, Ella. I promise to bring the good news later" oh please don't. I fake a smile and she waved as she goes back to her chair. Blythe's my friend and friends supports each other, even if it means being the one to let go of your love.

"I'll see you all next lesson" the room were full of chatter when the practice ended. I tried to find Aaron, but not to my surprise, he was with Blythe. Blythe figdets while she whisper something behind Aaron's ear and I was actually shocked when I saw Aaron's face flushed. I watch them flirt when Aaron catches my eyes and jogs to me, with smiles all over his face.

"Lou..." he began, "I won't be going home with you together today..." he laughed softly as he scratches his nose.

Hmm.

I look behind him to see Blythe filled with excitement as she waits for us. I look back at Aaron again and nodded slowly,

"It's fine...You're going somewhere with Blythe, right?" i tried to talk normal yet my voice fails me, my voice cracked, "Be careful... you two" giving him a smile.

He ruffles my hair as his hands slowly went down to my cheeks. Slowly caressing them as he gives me the softest smile he has. I keep falling for them everyday, deeper and deeper I go. A never endless ocean.

"Be careful too" letting go of his hand as jogs back to Blythe while he gets his bag and violin. The both of them wave at me as U wave back and there they went. Probably, tomorrow they'll be a couple.

I suddenly felt insecure, it's a complicated emotion. I wished it was me who was with him and not Blythe. If only I was a little bold, filled with confidence and can just simply tell him what I feel. If only things were a little easier.

And so days have gone by like it has ever been. I didn't know what happened but the closeness between them didn't shattered, it was like no confession ever happened. Did she had cold feet and ran away? Or are they seeing each other now? I don't know.

Now, Aaron and I have been walking home together again and yet he's always out of place. I want to know what happened that day.

"Hey, Aaron..." I started, playing with my fingers to avoid eye contact.

"Yeah?"

"Uh, if it's okay with you, where did you and Blythe go the other day?"

"Oh...that" he paused. "Well, we just went to a mall, grab dinner and went home. Why?"

My brows furrowed as a smile slowly formed from my mouth, "... That's all? She didn't say anything or...?"

"Hmm.." he pondered, "She, uh...confessed?"

I stopped walking, "... She did...?"

he nodded.

"What was your response?"

he turned his back at me, "It's a secret" shrugging.

"Do you like her?"

A pause.

It went quiet for a while and I got startled as my heart throb when I saw Aaron's face getting red. There I found my answer. It was like a thousand knives pierced through my heart as we head home.

I went to my bed, but I didn't cry. I was hurt but tears weren't falling down my face. I lie down facing the ceiling as I pondered about what happened earlier, him with that kind of face. So he does like him. Why did I even bother. I didn't even realize that I burn for him to the extent that I'm thinking of stealing you away from her. Grabbing your hands as we wonder through the world but you wouldn't like that, would you? You only have a few months here in this Earth.

I distanced myself away from you and slowly, it was like you were slipping from the grasp of my fingers. You both hang out more while I felt painfully out of place, like a pepperoni that had mistakenly made its way onto a vegetarian pizza. I watch the both of you from afar.

To freshen up my mind, I went to the cafe, Lucidity of Love to grab some books and read them while I drink coffee, they have the best coffee in out town from my perspective. I put my earphones and made the volume on full to have a quality time for myself. Everything was relaxing when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Irritated, I removed my earphones with my brows furrowed and immediately disappeared when I saw Jax's face.

He waves as he gave me a genuinely smile, "I saw from there and I figured I'd go talk to you" he pointed at the table where he and his friends are.

"Oh..." I nodded.

"So, you're alone. Where's your body guard?" he chuckled.

I glared at him, "He's not my body guard. And, he's with Blythe" he nodded.

"So, that's why you seemed down" he whispered which made my brow raised, "...What?"

he shook his head, "Nothing. Do you have something to do after here?" he questioned me.

Hmm. It's not like I'm busy so I nodded,

"Yeah. Why?"

"Wanna go somewhere with me? Trust me, It'll be fun and it would take your breath away" he reached for my hand.

"Okay" I held his hands and he took me somewhere kinda far for we took the train.

It was the beach. The combination of beach and sunset really soothes a person. It's calming. Upon arriving at the beach, I was quiet, I have seen sunsets too often but it's still mezmerizing. I was staring at the sun as it slowly goes down. A tear fell. So this is a broken heart. River of tears followed, Jax stood there for he can't do anything. So he hugged me tight. I never really asked for an answer. But the look on his eyes that day, was enough.

"I love you, Louella"

I halted to his sudden confession. My childhood friend who I always thought as a family, confessed to me. The cute and fragile Jax was nowhere to be found. Now, all I can is see is this drop-dead gorgeous with pierces on his ears, Jax. He was indeed handsome, the type that you can't stop looking at him but feels so out of your reach. I was suddenly torn between moving on or not. I still don't know if he likes Blythe or not. It was nothing but an assumption. But I love Aaron completely. All the things they shared together can't be easily forgotten or replaced. No one understands me best other than Aaron, he showed me a new life. It was all because of Aaron that I am what I am now.

"I'm sorry..." my voice cracked, "...I love Aaron" he smiled painfully. Of course, if he were few months earlier maybe I would've love him first. But sadly as it is, Aaron would still come and I would've love him more.

He hugged me once more, tightly, as he whispers something.

"I will make you love me" he promised. "Even if it takes days, months or years"

"I do love you, Aaron" i replied, "Just...not like how you love me. I'm sorry" gripping my hand.

"Can't... you learn to love me?" his voice trembled as I slowly shake my head.

"My heart beats for Aaron...and him alone"

He finally lets go of the hug and nodded slowly.

"Can we still be friends?" he asked.

"Of course! We will always be" i gave him a smile to which he smiled back.

As much as I don't want to hurt him, I can't give him false hope and lead him. It hurts more accepting him but not having feelings for him than rejecting him.

Going back to a few days. The day Blythe confesses to Aaron.

"I...really like you, Aaron" she started.

"Ha?" Aaron was startled. "...Blythe..." his voice were weak. They both knew they wouldn't work out. One love the other, and other love someone too.

"But.." she scoffed, "You know you're in love with her, right?"

"...What?" how does she know?

She smiled, "You love her since pretty much always. So it's okay, I don't want to hear getting rejected" she laughed softly.

She always knew it's Louella that he'll choose. But she still hope that maybe her love will be reciprocated. Turns out it's still be Louella. It will always be Louella. The conversation with Blythe made him open his eyes more than ever. He needs her, he wants her. He loves her.