10) I Have a Secret: Bailey

Bailey was glad about the collision that she had had with Emma. It had opened up a new portal to a possible friendship and that thought excited Bailey.

She had never really had a proper friend before, just people who she hung out with. People who she sat with at break and spoke to about normal things, but never her personal life. She had never trusted anyone enough to really open up to them.

Few people knew about her sexual orientation too. She kept a list of the people that she had told. There were only seventeen people on her list, seventeen people who had seemed like worthy confidants. Some had turned out to be less than suitable after telling them her secret, but most had been accepting.

Bailey was careful when confiding in people, she always observed them first. That was partly the reason why so few mistakes had been made with opening up to untrustworthy people.

It felt so much easier to tell people who were not part of her family. She supposed that it was because if they did not accept her, she would not be losing as much. If they rejected her, she could simply avoid seeing them again, but if she told family, then there would be no way to avoid confrontation.

Emma seemed like she would make a worthy confidant, but Bailey was still nervous of losing the only person that she had ever felt completely at ease with. The only person who she felt really understood her or tried to understand her feelings.

There had been such a strong sense of tranquillity when the two of them had been sitting in the library that break. Bailey had felt completely at ease, and most importantly, she had felt happiness. That was an emotion that she seldom experienced anymore, despite hiding it incredibly well.

Emma made her want to smile genuinely, made her feel like she was perfectly fine just the way she was and that she was and could be accepted for the person that she was. It was a wonderful sensation, and something that Bailey hoped would be permanent.

Bailey had a strange desire to confide in Emma about her sexuality. It felt as if Emma would accept her, Emma just seemed that way, like an accepting person, accepting of those who were different.

The more time that Bailey spent with Emma, the more she desired to tell Emma that she was gay. But she was still afraid. So she tested Emma. They were small, subtle tests that involved conversations about the LGBTQ+ community.

Emma seemed to open up and become more okay with talking to Bailey. She seemed to lose the initial shyness that she had had when Bailey had first met her. Bailey assumed that it was a front, that had the purpose to protect her. Bailey understood this, because she too would put up a false front in order to keep herself safe from the prying eyes of society.

It was not more than a week, when Emma began to laugh and joke with Bailey. It made Bailey happy, because she felt the connection with Emma grow stronger. She longed to be friends with her, real friends... who could tell each other almost anything, but she was yet to find a person who this was possible with, although the future did look bright with Emma.

"What do you think of homosexuals?" Bailey asked as they sat together outside the English class.

"Pardon?"

"What do you think of the LGBTQ+ community, do you think it is right?"

"Yeah, I think so." Emma mumbled, taking a bite out of her peanut butter sandwich

Emma always had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch, Bailey noticed that her lunch was always exactly the same, and the order that she ate her meal was the same every day as well.

Bailey never ate lunch at school, she felt to anxious to eat. When she had a panic attack, it made her feel sick, and she was afraid that if she ate she might actually get sick, not just feel nauseous. Besides that, Bailey was never very hungry at school anyway, she ate very little, even at home.

Her parents worried about her weight, but they did not realise that it made her uncomfortable to eat in front of people.

When she had been in grade one, the teacher had always scolded them for eating incorrectly, and it had made Bailey afraid that she was going to eat wrong and get into trouble. Even though she could no longer get into trouble for eating badly, she still feared being ridiculed.

She knew how to eat, and she had been taught proper table manners by her mother. This was a trait that was always commented on by friends' parents when she went to anyone's house. They always said what a great guest she was to have at the table and would tell their children to be more like her. She hated having people comment about how she ate, even if it was complimentary, it made her feel awkward and shy, besides, it was not very kind of the parent to compare their child to her.

So Bailey never ate in public, although eating at home was still a struggle. She was also a very fussy eater, something that both her and her brother were similar in. Neither of them liked the texture of mince, and Bailey refused to eat meat, despite her parent's best attempts to convince her otherwise.

"I have a secret."Bailey said after a thoughtful pause

"Oh."

Emma had moved on to her second snack, slices of cheese. She always ate that second.

"I do too." Emma replied, looking down at the plastic Tupperware that contained her meal.

"It is something that will change my life if anybody knows, although a few people do know what it is."

"Mine too, but I am afraid to tell anyone."

"It hurts me when I think about it." Bailey continued softly.

It was almost as if she wanted Emma to guess her secret, that she wanted Emma to know what she was talking about, but if Emma did know, she was showing no signs of this knowledge.

"Mine as well."

Emma glanced down at the plastic watch that she wore on her wrist, the watch that Bailey had never seen her without. She mumbled something under her breath, then closed her lunch box.

Just as she had shut the last clasp, the school bell rang, signalling the end of break. Emma was always right on time, never late, never early.

"Do you think that you will ever be able to tell me your secret?" Emma asked, as they walked down the passage to their next class

"Yes, but when I trust you more. Will you?"

"Yeah, I think so."