18) Questionable Actions: Bailey

Kissing Emma was different to how Bailey had imagined it. It was truly romantic, and had felt so perfect, yet it was not how Bailey had expected it to be.

Perhaps it was because she felt that she was going against her morals. She too, just like Emma, disagreed with teenage romances, but there they went and kissed each other. It was against both of their morals, and they were both liable to have a guilty conscience.

Yet, at the same time it had felt really nice...

"I guess we should get on with the plan of how to get my mom to let me take medication and see a psychologist." Emma said, interrupting Bailey's thoughts.

When Emma's lips ad broken away from Bailey's, the two girls had sat silently beside one another, not looking at each other. It was not that they felt awkward after the kiss, but rather that each girl needed a moment to reflect on what had happened.

It was a big moment in both of their lives, and they just needed some time to think.

The kiss was a sure sign that both girls were attracted to females, although an experience like that was not necessarily needed to prove that someone was indeed gay. It was rather just proof of a fact that was already known.

"Yeah, I guess we should." Bailey answered slowly

Her mind was racing, and she could not stop thinking about how amazing the kiss had been, but it was time to focus now. They had an important decision ahead of them.

"I will fetch a pad of paper and some pens, it will help to make sense of our ideas." Bailey said

Although it was really necessary to get paper and pens, it had not been her main reason to leave her company. She just needed to be alone for a few minutes to think, and by the look on Emma's face, it was clear that she felt the same.

It was not that they regretted kissing though... it was just something so different, something alien to both of them. Had she acted on lust or was it love? Was it really love, or was it just a stupid teenage crush? Bailey did not know, her head was spinning, and it was tough to make sense of anything.

She had always obeyed her parents and refrained from doing anything against their will, but surely kissing someone, whether it be male or female, was not exactly something that they would approve of? Bailey felt conflicted. On the one hand, she wanted to be honest and obey her parents, yet on the other hand, she really did think that she loved Emma.

Returning a few minutes later with a pad of lined paper and her pencil case, the girls began their elaborate plan on how to convince Emma's mother that she needed medication and to possibly see a psychologist regularly..

As Bailey lay in bed that night, her mind was filled with the day's occurrences.

Emma and Bailey had decided that approaching the situation in a mature way would be best, and on Wednesday, after school, Bailey would be going to Emma's house and they would speak to her mother together.

They had decided on Wednesday as the day, as Emma's younger sister, Katrina would not be home. Emma had felt worried that her sister would interrupt their conversations or ridicule her, so they had decided that it would be best if she was not there.

The girls had sat on bench for hours, writing a convincing speech that would explain and encourage Emma's mother of what her eldest daughter needed.

Bailey got up to check that the speech was still in its place – her sock drawer. Emma had opted for Bailey to keep it for fear that one of her little sisters would find it and tell her mother before Emma had a chance to explain it properly.

Emma had told her that since her father had died when she was twelve, family life had been very difficult.

Emma had become the shoulder that her mother leaned on, and she felt that she had to be strong for her mother. She said that she had made a promised to her dad that she would take care of the family as she was the eldest child.

Bailey thought that it was not fair that Emma had had such a massive responsibility laid upon her shoulders, even if she had laid it there herself. She was after all, just a child, and no child should have adult responsibilities, or feel obliged to take on the role of an adult, as Emma had felt.

But Emma had been diligent and was determined to fulfil her promise to her father, even if it meant to the detriment of her own emotional and mental health.

Secretly, Bailey thought that the effect of the responsibility on Emma's shoulders was part of the cause for her depression. It must be difficult for any child or teenager to have to support their family emotionally.

She decided however, that it was best not to tell Emma that it was causing her depression, but hoped that once Emma was seeing a psychologist, things would be better for her.

On Monday morning, before the school bell rang, the girls were sitting together on the step. There was a different kind of silence between them, not the peaceful silence that was usually there, but a complicated, deeper silence.

"Are you okay, Emma?" Bailey asked softly

"Yeah, I am just feeling really anxious about Wednesday."

"I am sure that it will be okay, Emma, and I will be there to support you. Do you want me to do most of the talking?"

"Yeah, I think so. I will just get to anxious to speak or I will start crying or something stupid."

"Okay, but I am really sure that it will be okay. I am here for you, you are not alone in this."

Although Bailey seemed to be so confident that all would go well when they spoke to Emma's mother, she found herself feeling rather anxious too.

This was a big thing that they had to do, and Bailey was afraid that she would be too weak to do it. She had to support Emma though, and she felt the weight of the responsibility of her promise weighing down upon her.

It was not that she wished that she had never made the promise to Emma, she would never wish that. She wanted to help her friend, and she felt that if she could not do this for her, surely she could not be in love.

"Did I force you into kissing me?" Emma asked, interrupting Bailey's thoughts.

"No! Not at all, I wanted to kiss you, If you had not kissed me, I would probably have kissed you."

"Do you think that it was right that we kissed?" Emma asked, a hint of concern lingering in her voice.

Bailey paused, she had been thinking about it all morning. Was it right that they kissed? It had felt right when they had done it, but now it felt different, as if things had been massively complicated. It had felt so wonderful at that moment, but now it felt as if she had done something wrong, as if it was something to feel guilty about.

She looked at Emma's concerned face, and instantly, her mind was made up in what to say, whether it be truth or lie. She could not bear to tell her that she did not think that it was right that they had kissed, so she told the first lie that had been told in the friendship.

"Yes, I think that it was right, don't worry"

Although it was a small insignificant lie, without realising it, Bailey had marked the beginning of a new age of friendship, one that would hold them in bondage, until the real truth could be told.

Bailey had destroyed their perfect streak of honesty in exchange for her friends feelings, but in the end, both would be hurt.