Chapter 2

All morning I told myself it had just been a dream, but I could never fully convince myself.

I looked at myself in the mirror after a quick shower, straightening the gray flannel I had found at Maurice's the week before. My custom Converses were creased across the top, but they made my outfit twice as seasonal. I pulled my chocolate hair into a slick high ponytail and smiled at the girl staring back at me. My glasses and broad shoulders gave a masculine vibe to my appearance, but it felt right. 

I went out to the kitchen and took a seat across from Him at the table as He ate His cereal. The last of the good cereal to be exact. He kept His eyes down, concentrating on notes for an upcoming test.

"You need something, Sis?" He asked, not bothering to look up. I leaned over the table to see the subject. Some kind of chemistry. He was just studying, like a normal teen might. The irony of it struck me.

I sat back in my seat. "You have a test today?" I asked just to make small talk.

He solemnly nodded as He took another spoonful of Cocoa Pebbles. 

We just sat there in silence. I watched Him, but He never looked up. Thoughts swirled through my head, but peace seemed to take over. He was here, wasn't He?

I reached out and tapped His hand, half expecting Him to vanish like in the movies, but His hand was smooth and warm.

He looked up, surprised, but a moment later chuckled at my expression. "What's up with you, Kay? You've been acting weird the last couple days. Everything alright?"

Again, the irony was more than I could process. Was I alright? Immediately I felt guilty; for just a moment I doubted He even existed. But that small thought opened up a black hole of questions.

I focused on His face. Memorizing it. Chocolate brown hair that fell over one eye. The other eye a brilliant blue with an intense gaze that any girl would be lucky to get lost in. Thin lips that were pressed together with the growing stress of balancing school with sports and family; light peach fuzz on His chin that He proudly called a beard.

He squinted, and I got thrown back into reality. He laughed lightly, then pushed his bowl of milk towards me. "Take it to the sink, will you, KK?"

I pushed the bowl back towards Him. "Not a chance." I decided that His laughter was enough evidence He was here. I smiled back at Him, relieved that the doubt had somewhat receded. What was I thinking? I allowed myself to smile as He pushed Himself up from the table. Wow, my imagination had been running wild. That was intense.

I saw Averie in my second period class. She didn't bother looking at me as I walked in and took a seat next to her. I waited for her to look up and acknowledge me, but it didn't happen. She had been my best friend since elementary school: surely a small misunderstanding couldn't ruin that.

I turned to the girl behind me. She had brown skin and small eyes. I knew her name was Maggie, but I hadn't ever bothered talking to her.

"Hi," she whispered when she saw me watching her. She put her phone face down on the desk, and glanced from Averie to me. She was an observant girl; I knew she picked up on the tension between Averie and I.

"You wanna hang out sometime?" I asked randomly. I glanced at the right to see if Averie perked up. Unfortunately, she hadn't.

Maggie bit her lip and took a few moments before answering cautiously, "No, thank you." She picked up her phone again, letting me know the conversation was over.

I laid my head on the desk. I would need to see Averie at practice again. I could tell Coach that I was sick and ask my brother to pick me up. I couldn't just avoid Averie, though.

Thankfully the bell rang and class started before I had time to fully consider it.

I ended up skipping practice and just hanging with Lance and his dogs at the park. I wasn't that close with Lance. Although, he had been on the varsity soccer team his freshman year and often helped me practice.

Unfortunately, he had been kicked off the team because of drugs. We had met in middle school, and just seemed to click. Now, our sophomore year is beginning, and we still keep in contact.

His new obsession was dogs, which was clear by the amount of time he invested into them.

We talked while I tossed a frisbee to his old English sheep dog. The rottweiler puppy fought for it, seeming to get lost in the sheep dog's thick forest of fur.

I laughed as we watched them. "Zyron has gotten bigger since the last time I saw him," I commented, not sure what to say. Lance rarely ever spoke unless it was important. He had a disorder that caused stomach acid to affect his voice box and made his voice raspy. Although, If you did ever hear him speak, his words seemed to come from someone much older than this teen of 16. Averie had once said he reminded her of a Buddist monk. Now I think of that every time.

Lance nodded at my comment, reaching down to take the frisbee from Zyron's grasp. The sheep dog, Dusty, whimpered at the stolen toy.

"And how old is Dusty again?" I knew the answer was 11, but I wished Lance would say something. Of course, he ignored me. People knew better than to ask him anything other than yes-or-no questions. Not unless it was important. I just couldn't get myself to tell him why I texted.

After tossing the frisbee again, he turned to me, then turned and walked away.

Follow me 

I jumped to the side, expecting someone to be standing behind me. What had that been? I took another look around then scurried after Lance. He was already leaning over the rail of the gazebo, watching me, or maybe past me. I couldn't tell.

The dogs laid on the wood, enjoying the shade. A filthy beagle that I had never seen before sat by Lance's feet when I stepped inside the gazebo. The strays always seemed to be attracted to that boy. I always thought too much about it. 

 The dog immediately ran under the railing when I approached them. Lance turned to me, a sad look in his eye. I felt kinda sorry.

 "Do you want me to..."

 He shook his head before I could finish.

"Alright then." I stood beside him.

He looked back over the park, then slowly turned to meet my gaze with hazel eyes. "You must accept it. Soon, you'll be met with a challenge. Overcome it, and you'll figure it out. Buckle under the weight and lose everything." His words sounded like they had come from the grave.

I nodded. What was I missing? This had to do with my brother, didn't it?

"Lance, tell me what'll happen."

He sadly shook his head. Wrong thing to ask I guess.

 After fifteen minutes of waiting in silence, I decided to call Him to pick me up. Unfortunately, He was across town and couldn't be here until half an hour later. Instead, I figured I would walk home.

The air was dry as I trudged home. Leaves sprinkled the walkways, and I had a serious passion for kicking them. Eastern Pennsylvania had such pretty seasons, but at the same time, everything was dying with the weather changing now. I hated seeing all the roses in our flower bed lose their leaves and turn brown. We worked so hard weeding and pruning them just to see them die in September. It always made me sad. 

After thirty minutes of walking, He picked me up alongside the road. He explained where He had been, but I didn't care enough to listen. 

"Kayla, listen to me," He said, sighing. "I know you've had a bad day, and I know you're struggling, but please just listen to me. I had a rough day too. I'm failing in one of my classes and the tutor is some senior girl that hates my guts. I just don't understand the concept and she's awful at explaining it. I wish I could just wrap my head around it, but I can't. Now I'm just not feeling good enough. Okay?"

I looked up to see Him looking down on me. "I'm sorry," I apologized. Then He began ranting to me about His awful day. In all of it, I never got to mention my main thought in all of it:

I don't care. I wish I were dead