Chapter 11

I woke up to the sound of knocking on my door. I roll myself out of bed and walk over to my door like a zombie. I open the door to find my parents.

"Hey, can you come to our office really quick?" I nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be right there. I'm just going to let Hope know where I am." I walked back over to Hope. I leaned down and gently shook her till she was somewhat awake.

"Hey, my parents want to talk to me in their office. I'll be back afterward. If you'd like, you can head downstairs and get breakfast or stay here and sleep a bit more. If you need me, just turn left down this hallway, and it's the first door on the right." She sleepily hummed and turned away from going back to sleep.

I knocked on my parents' office door.

"Come on in." They were both sitting next to each other, leaving a seat across from them. This seems like it's going to be a very uncomfortable conversation that I don't want to be a part of.

"Why does it seem like this is an intervention?" I felt myself grow a little nervous. My mom just gives a small, sad smile while my dad remains more stoic.

"Well, sweetie, it kind of is. You hanging out with Hope has brought a lightness to you again, but we can still see you aren't fully happy. We want you to find happiness within yourself again. We both think it's time you go to therapy." My mom finished her speech with the one word that I can't stand to hear. I don't want to go to therapy; I don't want to talk about what happened. It just makes me relive the wreck over again, and I already relive it enough every day.

"I don't want to go to therapy. I don't want to talk about it." I stood up, feeling very upset. I could feel the angry tears make their way down my face.

"You don't understand what it's like to relive one of the worst moments in your life involuntarily. I watched her die right beside me. I was there when she took her last breath. Why would I want to go talk to someone and force myself to relive that voluntarily, when everywhere I look, I see her. I only see her smile for a brief moment, until my mind snaps me to where I see her lifeless body. I can't do it. It hurts so bad." I look back over to them, their faces blurring because of my tears.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired." I whispered out. I turned away from my parents' sad expressions and made my way back to my room.

Hope was sitting up in my bed on her phone when I got back to my room. Once she saw me, her face grew concerned. She closed the distance between us so quickly; I barely registered;; she even got off the bed. Once she wrapped her arms around me, I just broke down crying. I'm in so much pain. Everything is a bandaid. All these adventures, smiles, and laughs. All these small moments of happiness only distract me from the pain temporarily. There's no permanent fix for this darkness growing rampantly through me.

It's like cancer spreading rapidly through my body. The part of me that wants to live is almost completely defeated.

"I can't do this, Hope. It hurts so bad. I can't breathe. I don't want to breathe anymore. I just want this pain to stop. Make it stop, please." I cried out, barely able to catch my breath. She just held me tighter.

"It's okay. I'm right here. You aren't alone. We're going to get through this together." I shook my head at what she's saying.

"You're wrong. I can't get through this. No matter if you're here or not. You can't fight my demons for me, and I'm so tired I'm not even trying to stop them. I don't want to stop them." My tears were coming to a slow stop. My body feels like dead weight.

"I may not be able to fight them for you, but I can be by your side, encouraging you while you do. I can give you some strength when yours is depleted. You don't have to do this all alone. Recovery isn't something you do alone. That's the quickest way to fail, by keeping yourself from asking for help." I was about to respond before she cut me off again.

"You can let people in, you know? You can still rely on people. I know it's scary letting people get close to you because you're afraid they'll be ripped away from you too, but that's life. Unfortunately, people get ripped away from you, and there's nothing you can do ever to be prepared for when it does. It feels like a never-ending cycle because it is. We are all going to die one day, as morbid as that may sound, but you can't just stop living when they do. Make them live on through you, breathe for them when you can't breathe for yourself." I couldn't think of what to say in response to her. I just let each word sink in. I didn't realize we had made our way to my bed. She helped me under the blankets before she followed behind me. I laid my head on her chest, meeting darkness that I wish was permanent.

I woke up later on in the day. Hope wasn't beside me. Just as I was wondering where she went, She walked out of my bathroom. Her eyes immediately found mine.

"Hey, there, sleepyhead. How are you feeling?" She asked as she made her way to sit across from me on my bed.

"I don't know, to be honest. I'm sorry for breaking down. That seems to be all I do around you. Well, for the most part." She just looked at me. Studying me.

"You really need to stop apologizing about these things. You're completely fine, and no, don't apologize for apologizing." She lightly chuckled, and I did too. She already knew I was going to.

"Hey, I forgot to ask yesterday, but how was your appointment? Your nose bleed was really bad. I was honestly really concerned." She averted her eyes away from mine, sucking in a deep breath. She then turned back towards me, with something swimming in her eyes. Some emotion I couldn't decipher.

"It went well. They just did a regular check-up where they asked me a bunch of questions; I answered their questions, then they let me go telling me to take it easy." I could tell she wasn't telling me everything, but I wasn't going to push it. I understand all too well, not wanting to discuss stuff.

"I get that. My parents were talking about me going to therapy. That's what had me go through a mental breakdown. I just can't talk about it yet, you know? Because if I talk about it it, then I acknowledge that it's genuine. That she's gone, and that she's never coming back." I could feel myself choke on my words, trying to keep myself from crying again.

"She may never come back to this moment in time where we exist alive, but one day we'll exist where she's at. When it's time, you'll get to see her again, but only when it's your time. Stop trying to speed up the process." I just hummed, not knowing how to respond. I get what she's saying, but it doesn't dull how much I want to be there with Maddie now. Hope didn't talk for a minute, but I welcomed the subject change with open arms once she did.

"So for tomorrow, I got us tickets to watch a local boxing match. I've always wanted to see one. We've got front row seats too." She said back to having a smile on her face as if our conversation wasn't just depressing. I gave back a small smile.

"That sounds good to me." Right after I said that, my stomach growled so loud. Hope looked down at my stomach and just busted out laughing. I start to laugh too. Once she caught her breath, she wiped off some tears she had from laughing so much and looked at me.

"Let's go eat. Then we can come back and watch more Harry Potter." I smiled at this and made my way with her downstairs. We had a couple of sandwiches, then made some popcorn to bring back up with us. Hope called her parents to let them know she was staying with me again.

"Honestly, this is my favorite movie out of the entire series," I said with my eyes glued to the screen.

"Why's that?" She asked, putting more popcorn in her mouth.

"It's all around just perfection. Sirius making his entrance, Finding out Scabbers all these years was Peter Pettigrew, Harry and Hermonie going back in time. Harry did a bomb ass job at the Patronus Charm, and most importantly Hermonie punches Draco. First off, that's badass, and secondly, she's so hot doing it." I rattle off some of the reasons why it's my favorite out of the whole series. She hums.

"I agree Emma Watson is hot. My favorite,, though, would have to be, The Half-Blood Prince. It's just a powerful movie. Every scene has you captivated and at the edge of your seat. Well, at least for me." I hummed, agreeing with her. We went back to silence, becoming fully engrossed with the movie once again.

Once the movie was over, we both got ready for bed. It was already two in the morning.

"What time is the match tomorrow?" I asked Hope while getting in the bed beside her after I turned off the light.

"It's at seven at night. They start letting people in at six-thirty, though. So let's get there then so we can grab snacks and stuff before the match starts." She moved closer so that our shoulders were touching. I loved the warmth that radiated off of her.

"Sounds good to me. Goodnight, Hope." I say, moving so she can lay her head on my chest.

"Goodnight to you too." Silence overcame us, yet I couldn't fall asleep. I stared into the darkness of my room. Everything felt empty, except for the heat seeping into my chest from Hope. My chest has been cold and empty for a while now. The warmth feels good; it's comforting.

"Hope?" I ask, seeing if she's still awake.

"Yes?" She asks back, sounding as if she hadn't closed her eyes yet too.

"I'm glad I met you," I say with so much emotion. I pull her closer to me, as I hear her sniffle a little bit. I know she felt the emotional overdrive too.

"I'm glad I met you too. I just wish I would have met you sooner." She said the last part in a whisper.

"I too Hope, Me too." Those were the last words spoken. Soon I felt her body relax and knew she had finally fallen asleep. I followed right behind her, not too long afterward.

We woke up around noon and headed down to get some breakfast. My parents were already down there drinking their coffee and discussing what I'm sure is work. Once we came into their view,, all conversation stopped.

"Good morning. How did you both sleep?" My mom was the one to break the silence.

"I slept really well. What about you?" Hope said,, then deflected the question to me.

"Not too bad,, mom. I see we've got waffles!" I say,, all excited. I love waffles. Hope slightly chuckles at this.

"Your love for waffles is adorable." I look over at her and roll my eyes.

"I'm not ready for banter yet. I need coffee and waffles first. Then you can carry on all you want." Hope let out a loud singular laugh before we split ways of getting our breakfast.

"What do you two have planned for today?" My dad asked as he sipped on his coffee. I put my plate and coffee mug down beside where Hope was sitting.

"Hope is taking me to a boxing match tonight." My parents look at me with surprise written all over their faces.

"Well,, then. That should be fun." My dad was the first one to speak. My mom still seemed to be in shock. My dad lightly stuck his elbow into my mom's arm.

"Right,, honey?" She snapped back into reality.

"Yes. Very fun. Just please be careful." She said like a concerned mother,, hen.

"We will don't you worry. Hope here, can kick some ass." I say,, making everyone stop what they're doing. I laugh at this, looking over to see Hope blushing. I look over to see my parents wide-eyed since I haven't cussed around them before.

"All of you need to loosen up. You're supposed to feed my ego and laugh at my jokes." I say with an amused tone.

"Well,, Hope, I'm glad you know how to kick ass because, without you, my daughter over here would be hopeless." He starts laughing at what he said.

"Get it? Because her name is Hope, and if she went there,, you'd be Hopeless." My mom, Hope, and I just shared glances between each other before we burst out laughing.

"Geez,, dad, that was so cringy. You are the epitome of horrible dad jokes." We all continued laughing as my dad shrugged and laughed with us.