Chapter 40.

That was obviously what Nick was afraid to share. A primal desire, partially hidden in the dark corner of his mind, easy to realise in self-loathing, but hard to accept. Well adjusted men would feel so ashamed, so afraid they would ignore and fight it to the end. "And I AM a well-adjusted man. Not a second did I think of laying my hands on the girl, but that doesn't mean the idea was not there …". What could he do anyway ? What could he have ever done against something so deep and instinctive apart from acting like it was not there ? He only admitted it in front of his companions because he knew very well how much worse the impact would have been if they had discovered it by themselves. Clearly, that choice did not make it that much better.

He could see it. He could see the disgust and mistrust and fear in Rose's and Enora's eyes, just as he felt it in his bones. But he could not do anything, and he did not want to ! How could they understand ? Understand something so deeply ingrained in the soft folds of his head, in a locked safe that he had always refused to approach. "Fuck them ! I never did anything to hurt either of them, never put them in psychological danger or shock them. One moment of honesty, of openness and they turn on me ?! Fuck them !", he thought with rage. His face was contorted as he stared at the flames of the campfire. But Nick was not nearly as angry at the women as he was at himself. Ashamed and angry, and even more ashamed.

A day passed, in awkward silence and frightened gazes at each other. Those gazes, the man could feel them burning his back every second while they walked, worsening his mood little by little. When the camp was set up the next evening, they crouched and sat around the fire, Nick on one side and the others as far away as they could. Seeing that made him snap.

- You fucking bastards !, he howled. What did I do to deserve that treatment ? I was supposed to tell you something I did not want you to see for yourselves, honesty and shit, and that's what I get ? Never did anything against you, yet I'm a monster now ? Go fuck yourselves !

This hateful outburst made Rose jump in surprise while Enora instinctively grabbed the hilt of her sword. Seeing that, Nick let out a shocked and outraged groan, saying in a cold voice :

- Really ?

- What are we supposed to do now ?, asked the warrior. What are we supposed to do after that ?

- How would I know ?, answered the man. I thought we were being truthful about our most shameful secrets before the Nexus, but maybe I was wrong !

- That's a sick thought you shared though., said she monotonously.

- So what ? Yours were not ? The slutty killer and bitch traitor, isn't that you ?

The women seemed to tense at those words, frowning deeply and showing hints of sudden anger.

- Doesn't feel great, right ?, he continued after noticing their reaction. Having your honesty being spat on and insulted. I may be an immoral son of a bitch, but you two are dirty hypocrites.

A dozen second of exchanged stares slowly went by, during which Rose's expression changed a bit. She seemed to be the first to get what Nick was saying. Finally, she put her hand on the other woman's shoulder and softly said :

- It's still Nick. Maybe he always had this in him, always well hidden and under control. I never felt threatened you know …

Enora looked at her, thinking for a few moments. Rose continued :

- You call me 'girl' and 'missy' all the time, but I am not something of the sort. I am nineteen, no matter how I look, and what could make me more adult than actually taking lives ? Sex ? I am pretty sure to be no stranger to the matter you know ?

The fighter trembled a bit before turning her head towards the angry man, slowly looking him up and down. With his average height and looks, he had gained quite a bit of muscle since the start of their journey, showing the beginning of a solid build, with shoulder-long hair and a growing beard. His gaze was fixed on her, filled with a sort of righteous anger. Nick could easily see Enora wrapping her mind around the fact that even though his confession was shocking, it had no repercussion on them at the time. And he was convinced that he had never acted on those dark desires ever. He could swear it.

- Look girls, here's my final thought on the matter., he said, interrupting their mental debate. It is not as if this … 'thing' was a powerful drive that makes me uncontrollable. I feel a slight desire for Rose, and it is still present after knowing her real age. Maybe I'm more interested in her than her youthful looks. I don't know. Please try to understand.

He was at his wit's end, not knowing how to go about this next. He said everything he could, convinced himself that he was not as different from most men as he thought. But no matter what, it was the women's work to accept or reject his plea. And the least one could say was that they really pondered on it, for a few days to the point the group had to stop travelling, settling down near the river on the soft dirt ground. The fishes were relatively abundant at that place, making it a viable resting place while they struggled with their thoughts.

Two days later, a complication appeared. It began with some noise echoing through the grey trees, ruffling the orange leaves like a sudden breeze. But the air had always been still in this labyrinth. This noise got closer and closer, hidden, the sight hampered by the large tightly clustered and weird vegetation around. Of course, the trio quickly jumped on their feet, weapons ready.

After a while, the noise stopped somewhere around fifty meters from them. Then it came back, faster and faster until the trees in front of them ended up completely flattened by a tall beast, with two feline and muscular legs, a large build and a four-eyed face. It swayed a horned head while swinging its bone club clutched by a three-fingered long arm. In other words : an Ash Troll.

- Fuck !, reacted Enora.