2. The Last Dance

I wanted to run, but I couldn't leave the palace. Not with so many eyes ready to gossip. I shut my bedroom door, the giant room walls shrinking, crushing me. My spacious personal space felt small.

I undressed of my birthday dress, the night sky telling me my day was over, letting the day of my misfortune start.

But then again, why was I contrary to the idea of the marriage? That I wanted to understand deeply.

I wore my favourite night clothe, a lovely shoulder strap short pale pink dress, the silky fabric caressing the same way it did the first time. I tossed the huge gown at the feet of the double bed, rushing to the balcony for a breath. I had to recollect myself and think straight.

I never wanted to leave the palace, nor I wished to get married to someone I didn't know, at my age.

Yes, it was normal, but I could not understand how people feel ready to settle with someone at a young age. I just… never thought about it. Having the kingdom ruled by my male counterpart, I never thought once of getting married. I didn't see the need now.

I liked my freedom, the way I could run around the palace and play, watch the knights training and talk to my brother every time he came back from hunting. Those were moments of joy I didn't want to stop.

But, leaving this place to go under the blade of the neighbour kingdom? I never visited once, or I barely remembered. I didn't know the family or their people. No matter how my father would speak great of them, I would never feel comfortable in moving suddenly to another kingdom, another palace, new people and nobles, a new family I had to be part of.

But, it was for both kingdom' sake. Why couldn't I bring myself to say yes? I loved our peaceful trait and the joy of our people. The smiles on their face made me always think my Father was a great person, an outstanding King and Ruler.

Then, why was I being selfish? For how much I loved everything and everybody, I didn't want to leave, even for everyone' sale.

I was really empty and spoiled, down to the core.

I just had to shut up and follow orders, like a good daughter, a domesticated princess.

In the end, was there even a way to escape from such fate?

What freedom Namiya, you always knew one day everything would change, and you had to grow.

And so it was, I had to leave.

"Nim." The words I thought came from my deep brother's voice, were instead light and cheerful.

What bad timing.

"Did you binge again on the cakes? Percival said you're not well. You know you can't eat too many sweets, you always do that."

What perfect timing.

I lightly laughed, but what felt to me was more of a contained cry.

"Maybe I did, are you enjoying the party?" I couldn't look at him. I didn't dare to look at those clear eyes that I had to part from in hours.

"Did I enjoy your party? Yes. The guests? I can't say." He scoffed, walking big steps to reach the balcony jamb.

"That feeling is mutual. Had any dances?" I wanted to keep our talk, our last discussion out of all trouble my head was going through.

"Negative, I was guarding. I had to make sure a princess didn't step on any foot." I scoffed realising I would certainly do that.

"Sorry I ruined your fun." I mocked him lifting my head to the sky.

"Were you heading to bed? Am I disturbing?" He softly asked, taking a step closer behind me.

I sighed, staring at the firm light dots adorning the dark blue sky, the glimmering of the moon glancing over us. A view I didn't know when I'll be free to see again. I knew something, and that was to not burden Lancelot with my struggles. In the end, who knew when I'll see him again. My personal guard. Well, not any more.

"We shall dance, Lancey. Of all the people I met, I missed you the most." I spoke those words, taking myself by surprise as well. Being sentimental in critical moment was my thing. I could feel the silence as Lancelot took a deep breath, startled by my sincerity.

"Weren't you sick?"

"Oh–that was an alibi to escape. Cakes are afraid of me not the other way round." I turned towards him, a smile on my face I wanted to be genuine one last time.

"Lancelot, would you honour me with this dance?" I formally proposed, my knees slightly bending holding an invisible skirt in one hand, the other stretched towards him.

He exhaled, but securely grabbed my it the way I was holding it, reversing the positions.

"That's supposed to be my line, Princess. I'll be honoured."

No matter how loud was the music from the ballroom, we had our own, our rhythm, our bubble no one could pop. We moved at our own pace. He kept my hand tight in his, our royal rings interlacing as we interwove our fingers, an intimate gesture I never experienced. Lucky I was he couldn't see how red was my face. He wrapped my waist in a warm and kind embrace, his palm guiding from the small of my back in simple movements. I held on to him as if it was my last day alive.

I wondered if that was the case.

I didn't dare to move my eyes off his, once I found them. There was nothing I wanted to suppress of that moment. I felt like I had to live for it. To lose myself once and for all in those crystals. To forge the most beautiful memories with them.

The moon was reflecting on his skin, his soft facial features seemed cold under the grey glittering light, but a caring expression was instead placed on his face, his lips softly curled in a warm smile.

"What would happen if I had to grow?"

Out talk now became an exchange of soft whispers I started, our secret conversation, our secret dance.

Our secret moment. Us.

"Everyone has to grow. Don't rush yourself just because you think things are going to change suddenly and quickly. I'll be your support no matter what, it's my duty."

I wonder about that. You probably don't know, and it's fine like this. It was my burned to cohabit with.

"I'm… afraid of growing up." I sobbed, my body trembling from the cold breeze at the instant hiccup. I was about to break. But he didn't let me. He held me stronger, attracting my body in his hug, our chests clashing. Our proximity let our breathes mix, his face so close I honestly thought that was going to be the best memory of my life. In his arms, lips ready to meet mine.

"We're always afraid of what the future is holding for us. It'll be alright, Nim. Count on me."

And I would. If that was the case.

I kept silent, his weight swinging me to the sides–until I stepped on his leather boot with my bare one.

I knew it had to happen once.

"I was kind of excepting that." He giggled breaking the eternal embrace I wanted to slumber in. He hesitated when it was time to untie our fingers, and it was mutual. It lasted too short I wasn't ready to end.

"Oh really, I was doing well." I pouted back crossing my arms, puffing my chest out like the kid I was.

"I can't see you growing up when you keep sulking at everything." He ruffled his hair towards the back in a smooth movement.

"Hey, try a pose." If that was the last time I would see him, I wanted to photograph it with my mind.

"A what?"

"A pose. You probably don't realise how you look. How many girls must have fell on their knees for you."

There was that cute soft blush that made my heart beats fast.

"That is not true. But if that is your wish, what can I do about it?" He scratched his head while waiting for me to guide him.

And I did, leading him into embarrassingly worthy poses I always wanted to see him do, out of context. I enjoyed every moment of his face twisted with surprise, self-consciousness and amusement.

"I'll say that again. You'll never grow. But I hope you'll never have to." He placed a hand on his flank, slightly leaning on one side.

Yes, definitely my favourite pose. Natural Lancelot.

I rolled half pirouette, back facing the dark scenery of woods and street lamps further away. For how long I wanted to stare at him, I knew it couldn't last forever. Those fun moments, us enjoying our laugher until we couldn't breathe any more.

He sided me, his elbows leaning on the stone balcony railing.

"There are many guards with the Erule kingdom today."

"Are they? I haven't noticed." We stared at nowhere, our eyes losing themselves in the darkness. My hands reached the cold stone, but I could still feel warmth of his touch, his presence near me.

He slowly nodded, leaning and swinging back and forth.

"Princess, if anything happens and you feel in danger, please run." He whispered tight in his lips when he stopped, his voice unease.

"What are you talking about?" I tried not to think at what my brother asked me to commit earlier.

"I just have a bad feeling. Promise me, Nim." He turned his face to me where I met him eyes. He slid his hand on mine, heat rushing to me as he tugged it in his.

"I promise." I whispered back. The oath I couldn't answer my brother.

What did Percival know more about that I did not?

But that was not important right now.

Lancelot smiled kindly at me, his face always tender that couldn't stop my insides from shivering, a pleasurable heat warming up every time he looked at me, smiled at me. He somehow shone in the night, but that was surely me seeing things. In the end, I didn't know anything brighter than him.

He leaned over me, his other gloveless hand reaching up for my cheek, and placed a faint kiss on my head, his breath warm on my hair.

There was no way I could leave.

No way I could leave him.