14

Peter isn't sure how...but he gets away from Ms. Reilly's chest just long enough to spy on SHIELD. (Hmm, interesting; he spied on spies, didn't he? Never mind; HYDRA could very well do the exact same thing...) As Peter suspected, SHIELD's been following the Sacrilegious Six.

Although HYDRA might be less likely to do the same thing than twenty years ago. From what Peter's heard, the German states of northern Europe are a lot stronger than they were after Napoleon. In fact, there's a movement over there that's pushing to unite the German states, and federate the Second Reich... Peter wouldn't encourage it, though; German men tend to get dangerous when they get excited.

Flash Thompson is no German. But hotdamn if he didn't know how to really hurt Peter before the latter became Spider-Man...

Peter also finds out, on a different note, that Ironheart, of the West Coast Avengers, has been reported MIA by the team's leaders, Hawkeye and Mockingbird. Peter chuckles; if Ironheart never reports back, Morgan Stark just might get her wish after all...

Pertaining to the Sacrilegious Six, Peter finds out that the chickenhawk he saved in Iowa is dead. And, the world's reporting obituaries have two new stories to report. One is that of a man in Manchuria, who appeared to lead a quiet life, although none of his neighbors or any of the locals, of course, knew much about his past. The second is of a man in Norway with a similar profile-and his friends admitted that they couldn't imagine why on Midgard he wasn't a Scandinavist, like them...

And in both cases, the coroner analyzes that their killers were very small creatures with an insane violent streak. In those cold climates, viruses are the usual suspect...if only the coroners knew of a virus whose virion was that big, or didn't need power in excessive numbers to take down a human-sized victim...

No one's located the Sacrilegious Six's next target. But there've been whispering rumors of a man in a small town in Deseret. There, they called him Metcalf. SHIELD has no intel on what his name was in his days as a revered official of Afroasia. He was a likeable fellow, who spend much of his time with ragged white supremacist youths. The Mormon locals couldn't tell if he was codepending or rehabilitating them. His tutelage seemed to have both effects on them...from time to time. But then one night, he went hunting with them in the desert, and he never came back.

Some of the white supremacist boys did...and do. But they've laughed and changed the subject every time someone's asked about the kind old man...who had WAY too much vision to be a real Mormon...which is astounding, because many Mormons' visions are the envy of the bureaucrats in Washington who wish that the LDS Church would die with the federal polygamy ban.

Slingshot reaches for a cup of coffee-that tiny Peter is perched on. Peter swings away just in time, to avoid being crushed by Slingshot's metal arm. She has two. And, although Peter doesn't usually see it, she's an Inhuman speedster.

Slingshot sips the coffee, and sighs. "Keep tabs on that Mormon settlement," she orders, in her hot Colombian accent. "If there's so much as a Klan meeting anywhere near there, I want to know about it. Director Mackenzie wants the security we have around the ex-tia and ex-novia of the late Spider-Man tighter than una cucaracha's elbow room!"

Ah, how Peter loves Slingshot's hot Colombian voice... But now's not the time to dwell; Liz's in the next town.

Ms. Reilly returns to the Mormon chapel. Unbeknownst to her, her tiny ex-nephew is freeloading just inside her bra cup...

She talks to the priest, as he sits in the confessional. Oh, how Peter wishes his ex-aunt would sing more praises to her ex-nephew's sexualization...

And, Liz is back too. Good. She's the real reason Peter came along. If only he could peel himself away from gazing upon his ex-aunt's aesthetics...

They share a pew. They talk. They brood over Peter. To Peter, this is fun...but nothing, of course, like getting to play Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, and attend his own funeral.

And then, Ms. Reilly and Liz hold hands. This is Peter's chance. As stealthily as a mite, Peter swings across the draw bridge while it's down. He perches on a ring on Liz's finger.

Or at least, he THINKS it's on Liz's finger. He explored the depths of Ms. Reilly's jewelry box the other day, and he's PRETTY sure he didn't find this one in it. And witness protection seems like an unwise place to buy new jewelry. Rephrase: Toynbee, Deseret seems like an unwise place to SELL new jewelry.

But just to be sure, Peter glides into Liz's low-cut. NOW he's right where he needs to be.

In the present day, I would not expect Peter to listen to Gary Allan music. Allan sings country music, and if Peter's anything like Elongated Man from the DC section of the multiverse, he thinks the genre is underevolved and underdeveloped.

(Or NON-evolved and NON-developed, as many of his peers at the high school in Queens would probably say...)

At long last, the women bid adieu, and part ways. Quake accompanies Liz back to Humboldt.

Hmm, Quake's low-cut looks nice today... But Peter mustn't; he's committed to Liz.

At long last, the young Mr. Parker has been reunited with his heart. If only Liz's family had moved to San Francisco instead of Oregon City; it would be the perfect occasion to compose a hit love song before Tony Bennett will get the chance in 100 years.

Yes, I know; Peter didn't leave his heart in Oregon City; Oregon City took it from him. But who's counting minutiae, anyway?