Chapter 11

I frown, "It's a long story."

He gives me a gently peck on my lips, "I know, but I need to know what's going on before I can help you."

I contemplate what would happen if he knew, would he start to resent me? I have so many problems and he's just taking in all of them. I'm supposed to be his other half, but all I seem to be is a burden.

"I never wanted a mate..." I mumble.

Jace backs up slowly, his face a mixture of pain and confusion. I looked up immediately after.

"Jace wait-"

"Is that really what you want? Do you really not want this?"

Tears well up in my eyes, "No of course not, I just didn't think I deserved one after all the things I've done! You've done so much, and you still don't know half of what is going on."

"Then tell me! I want to know everything about you, all the good and all the bad!"

I sit up, "No! You don't want to know!"

His face is a mixture of anger and sadness, I see his expression twist as his shoulders sag in defeat.

"I've been waiting for a mate for years. I wanted to finally see you and be able to hold you. How do you expect me to act when you tell me you never wanted me?"

I go to speak but can't seem to find anything to say. I realize that I have no reason to keep everything from him. He's here to love and cherish every part of me, even if it means embracing the bad parts that I try so desperately to hide.

"Okay."

Jace comes a bit closer. "Okay?"

I nod. "Okay, I will tell you what you want to know."

He smiles then, his face getting significantly brighter. He sits down on the edge of the bed and reaches for my hand. I feel the igniting of sparks, the bristle of pleasure rising within my soul.

"Let us start small. When did Levi first show up?"

I took a breath. "He showed up when I killed the Beta's son."

I hear his sharp intake of breath. I do not dare look him in the eyes, I could not face him after telling him what I've done.

"Tell me what happened."

I play with the tattered ends of the blanket covering me. "It was a couple years ago, before I ran away from my pack. My parents were ashamed of me, I could never remember why. I just remember them telling me I was a monster and that I couldn't be seen by the other pack. They made everyone believe they only had a son, That I had died at birth. They held a funeral service for me and just kept me locked up at the end of the pack house."

"That is messed up Marie, why would your parents do that?"

I shrug. "Beats me, again I don't remember what made them conclude that I was a monster. That is, until the Blood Moon. I had never actually seen the moon until that night, my parents always made sure my windows were blacked out at night."

"Everyone was out, so I took the opportunity to finally escape my room and go outside."

Jace squeezes my hand. "How did you manage to keep your wolf at bay for so long? Mine would have gone crazy."

"It was something my parents put in my food; it kept my wolf calm. I had smelled it once; they must have put a little too much because after I had eaten it, I had fallen asleep for nearly 2 days. That's beside the point, as I was saying..."

"Wait, before you continue. You said your parents only said they had a son? Does that mean you have a brother?"

I smile, "Yeah, an older brother. His name was Anthony, he was the only person in that house that I knew actually cared about me."

I feel Jace's arms circle around my torso, he pulls me towards him softly. I melt into his embrace, resting my head on his shoulder. My cheek tingles against the fabric of his shirt.

"Can I finish now?"

Jace pulls away, "Yeah, go ahead."

I clear my throat, "As I was saying, I decided to escape my room, but the guard outside my door was preventing me from that. I got so frustrated by it actually, I had kicked my chair."

Jace chuckles, I feel a tingling in my chest at the sound.

"I guess that made a pretty loud sound because the guard had rushed in right after. In the heat of the moment, I grabbed the leg of the chair and lifted it up, throwing it at him. It didn't really do anything; a chair wasn't going to knock out a trained wolf. He just ducked and looked at me weirdly.

I laugh. "He thought I was having a mental breakdown. You know, girl shit."

****

"Do I need to ask why you threw a chair at me Mariana?" The guard politely responds.

I stuck my bottom lip out in protest, this guard was way to levelheaded. Sometimes I thought he might not view me as a monster.

"Don't say that so calmly! I just threw a chair at you Martin!"

He chuckles and places his hand on his hip. "Yes, you did, is there a reason you're throwing a temper tantrum?"

I stomped my foot on the ground. "I am not!"

He rolls his eyes and bends down to pick the chair up; He places it by my desk in the far corner of my room. He walks back over to me and shakes his head.

"Have you run out of things to keep you occupied?"

I blow the air out of my mouth. "I'm tired of being locked in this room! I want to go outside, just once."

He shakes his head. "You know the rules, Mariana. Your parents would have my head if they knew I had let you wonder around outside."

"They don't have to know! I just want a few minutes, please Martin. You know I've been treated like shit by my parents ever since I was born. I just want one little piece of freedom."

He sighs. "First off, language Mariana."

I roll my eyes.

"Secondly, even if I had let you outside for a few minutes, what would be the point? You would enjoy the few minutes and then want to be let out all the time. We would be in this endless cycle."

I ponder my options; I only have two. I either stay up in this room for literally the rest of my life, or I convince Martin to let me out and then leave for good and never come back.

"Five minutes, please Martin."

He gives it a genuine thought, looking off for a minute and then looking over to the door.

"Five minutes Mariana. That's it."

I squeal and jump up and down, I run over to him and throw my arms around his torse.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Ok ok, that's enough. We should go now before it gets too late." He says, opening the door for me. Though when I finally get to the line where the hallway meets my room, I hesitate.

"You okay Mariana?"

I nod slowly, almost more to myself then a response to him. He pushes me out the door and I follow him down a long corridor. Flashes of distant memories cross my mind, but I couldn't quite put them together. Picture frames with people I don't recognize, desks and potted plants, even toys, they all littered the empty hallway. I clutch the front of my shirt, swallowing the pit in my throat.

"The back door is down these stairs and to the right. I will stand at the end of the stairs, but I won't follow you out. If I'm even seen with you, I might be questioned or turned in for letting you out."

I give him one last hug, almost like a goodbye. He pats my head lightly and gives me a knowing look.

"Be careful little one."

I hold my breath and turn, opening the door slowly. The breeze hits me first, crisp wind carrying the wonderful scent of the outdoors. I step out into the grass, hurrying to throw off my socks. I had no need for shoes, and I wouldn't be needing any. I dig my toes into the ground, relishing in the feeling in my heart, in my soul.

I could suddenly feel it, the power. Surging through my bones, through my blood. I could feel it on my skin.

"Hello little one."

I could hear pounding in my head, the voice was so smooth, so powerful. If I had been a normal person, I would have been freaking out at hearing voices in my head, and even though it wasn't Shiver, I felt calm.

"You're not afraid of me."

I shake my head, words not wanting to come out. I look out into the woods, the trees waving with the wind. I could hear wolves howling and growling in the distance. The sounds of running water, crunching of leaves on the ground. I close my eyes, smelling the musk of the outdoors.

"I have waited some time to meet you."

I open my eyes, feeling more power surging through my limbs, feeling it in my fingers and toes. I lift my head to the sky, drawn to the bright red light above me. At that moment I felt tingling on my skin. I look down to see white hair sprouting from my skin, traveling all over my limbs, up my neck.

Strangely. I wasn't afraid. The book I read in my free time, detailed the painful first few transformations. Yet, I feel nothing but a tingling sensation. My tongue runs over the sharp canines in my mouth.

"Come, little one."

I step forward, my soul pulling me farther and farther into the somber woods. With each step I get closer and closer to the ground, until finally I glance down and see my silky white paws. My claws digging into the earth as I advance deeper, and deeper into the woods. The moon peaks out from behind the leaves. The wind swaying the branches, hues of light flashing down in spotlights. I can feel the pounding in my chest, my ears flitting back and to the side. Listening for anything nearby.

"You are the key, the key to my physical form. Finally I will feel the ground beneath my feet."

My power roars to life, with every step it seemed like the earth shook around me. Wolves howled in the distance, closer than before. My ears perk up and I shake my head, my fur moving with the wind. I blink a couple times, the haze of whatever trance I was in gone. I couldn't feel the power anymore, as if it was never there. Then I look down at my hands, then look around me and recognize the tree line. I turn my head and see the pack house in view behind me. The back door slightly closed.

"What the- "

Howling has my head snapping towards the forest again. I take off on foot, running into the tree line and jumping over a fallen log. I get to the edge of the trees by a big field and climb up a tree closest to me. I zone into the group of wolves in the clearing, my parents and brother standing side by side in the center. I wanted more than anything to stand there with them, just like my brother is.

I slide back down the tree and head in the opposite direction, if I can just get to neutral territory as soon as I cross the border then my pack won't catch me-

A knock on the door has me jumping, I wasn't expecting to hear it. Jace chuckles and gets up, opening the door to reveal his mom.

"Hey hun, I was just coming to check on Marie, is she alright?"

I look away and stare out the window, now very interested in a red Cardinal perched upon a tree.

"She's alright mom, but she's not ready to talk to anyone right now."

I glance at them and Jace slides out into the hall and closes the door, when I hear mumbling, I lean in a bit closer, but immediately lean back.

No need to ease drop, if it's important he'll tell us, right? I ask Shiver.

After a minute she finally responds, Yes, He'd tell us.

Where have you been? You just disappeared. I ask, a bit of an edge slipping into my tone.

I feel her retreat a bit, I'm sorry, I'm exhausted and I needed to rest for a bit. The silver takes a toll on me as well Marie.

I frown, I'm sorry, I completely forgot to ask if you were okay, are you doing better now? I could ask Jace if he wants to go for a run soon? You still haven't met Jarred, and I know he's dying to meet you.

I'm doing better yes, and a run would be great after I'm fully back to normal. Shiver says.

I make a mental note to ask Jace. I look at the closed door slightly annoyed. What could he be talking to her about?

Marie don't stress about it, I'm sure everything is fine. Shiver says, trying to reassure me.

"I know I know, but we were in the middle of a story that is a sore subject. Being interrupted makes me not want to finish it." I whisper.

The door opens and Jace walks back in with Nancy, Nancy and I lock eyes and she quickly looks away. I narrow my eyes, she's hiding something.

She was there, at our pack. The car she drove had the same symbol; what could she possible have to do with our pack? Shiver adds, I could feel her unease.

I don't know, but I'm about to find out.

"So, what can I do for you Nancy?" A hint of distrust and annoyance laces my voice. I fold my hands in front of me and give her an innocent smile.

Jace walks over to me and sits down by my legs, resting his hand on top of my thigh. "Marie, please me nice."

I snap my head in his direction with wide eyes, "You did not just tell me to be nice."

Nancy clears her throat and I turn to glare at her. Jace squeezes my thigh gently, and I back off. Look back out the window.

"Go ahead mom."

Nancy coughs and I hear her take a few steps back, "Mariana, um, I'm sorry that you had to find out this way."

I return my gaze to hers, "What do you mean?"

Nancy looks at Jace for help and I stick my hand out in front of Jace, "No, you will address me. Not your son."

She gulps, I could physically see her sweating. "Spit it out Nancy."

She takes another step back, "Your old pack, they were allies of ours. A long time ago, I had visited their pack for a banquet- "

I cut her off, "The Gillyflower Banquet."

She nods, "Your parents had invited us, we didn't know they were doing that to you Mariana you have to believe me. I didn't know they had another child."

I scoff, "Of course you didn't, because like everyone else you fell for my parent's façade."

Nancy looks down at her feet, she fidgets with a ring on her finger before speaking again, "Luna Mariana, I'm asking as the former Luna for you to please consider my apology."

"Mom what are you doing?" Jace interjects.

"I'm asking the new Luna for forgiveness Jace, what does it look like I'm doing."

I stare at her wide eyed, Jace looks to me then, his eyes narrowed. I felt myself perk up in defiance. "Don't look at me like that Jace." I growl out.

His eyes flare a bright red color and I stare back him with an equal amount of power rippling off of me. He looks taken back and the color fades, his mouth hanging slightly open as he stares at me with disbelief.

"Did you just challenge me Mariana?" He scoffs.

I fold my arms over my chest, "So what if I did?"

He growls, "This is wrong, my mom shouldn't have to apologize for anything! She didn't know anything and neither did my dad. If he knew what she was doing, he would have ripped you apart for making her feel this bad!"

Tears form in my eyes and I don't fight them, letting them slip down. Jace immediately tries to reach for me, he tries to pull me towards him, but I shrug him off. Nancy walks over to him and places her hand on his shoulder.

She looks at me and shakes her head, "My mate would never have harmed you; he was too kind. Jace is only defending me, please don't hold that against him."

"Jace can speak for himself Nancy, he doesn't need his mother to hold his hand."

I get up then, throwing the blanket off of me, Jace gets up and follows me to the door, "Where are you going Marie?"

I whip around, "Do not follow me, I need some time to myself. Away from all of you."

Jace tries to grab my arm but I was already out the door, hearing it slam behind me.

***