Nine

A week has passed since I made my discovery. And quite honestly, things are still about as confusing as they were before then. The only difference is that I've moved on to new confusing things.

Each day, I realize more and more how much I really care for Austin. There's always something new that I notice about him or our dynamic that makes my heart speed up, and gives my stomach more butterflies.

But at the same time, guilt and fear is always nearby. As disconnected as I feel from my parents and the Catholic Church, there's a big part of me that feels like I'm failing them by feeling this way. The majority of my family has either a neutral or a negative stance on homosexuality, and I don't know how ready I am to cut ties with everyone I'm related to.

There's also the fact that my own worries are stopping me from even talking to Austin about this. Maybe I'll never have to deal with my family being against me since I'm such a fucking wuss.

No. If I'm gay now, I'll be gay forever. This isn't just something I can avoid.

Aside from all of my inner turmoil, things have been going back to normal. Sammy and I have gotten closer again, and I've been getting better at hiding the fact that I'm going insane on the inside. School is school. Home is home. Things are very regular.

Marie approaches me during our study hall period with Tristan nearby. I still wonder why they're not a couple.

"Hey Dyl, we were planning on going to the college fair today. You wanna join?" she asks me, looking optimistic.

"That's during class, yeah?" I ask.

"Yeah, that's exactly why we want to go," Marie smiles. I roll my eyes.

"So I'm guessing Austin will be passing on this?" I check.

"Yeah, he's in physics while it's happening. He wouldn't want to miss any class, though. Not sure how we're related," Tristan jokes.

"Me neither," I laugh.

"So, you in?" Marie asks, crossing her arms.

I think for a moment. I guess it would help take my mind of things. And Austin. It'd be for the best, as little as I care about the college fair.

"Sure."

***

Marie nearly spits out her water laughing. "You think you can get into Harvard? Hahahahaha."

"You never know," Tristan smiles, looking at the brochure he picked up. "And if that falls through, I have my backup school, Yale."

I smirk. "The only one that could even think about going to an ivy is your brother, sorry to burst your bubble."

"I'm so fucking smart, just you wait," Tristan sticks his tongue out.

"Didn't you already apply? Since you're a senior?" Marie asks. We keep walking along the booths.

"Uhh, I've been meaning to."

I look at him and roll my eyes. "You were right about being related to Austin. There's no way. You're from different planets."

"Seriously." Marie says.

The two of them look around the college booths and joke around, while I start to space out. I automatically take out my phone and go to text Austin.

"I'm at the college fair. How's class?"

He doesn't respond right away, as he's probably busy paying attention to class. So I catch up with Marie and Tristan and continue perusing.

A few minutes later, I get a text. "You still there? I might join you." I smile to myself and respond, letting him know I'm still around.

"What are you smirking at?" Marie asks, nudging me in a joking way.

"Just saw a meme."

Not too long after, Austin makes his way toward us.

"Huh? I thought you were gonna be in class," Tristan says, scratching his head.

"I wanted to check out some booths," Austin shrugs.

Austin and I trail behind the two a bit, standing side by side.

"What about class? I thought you felt bad about missing it," I say, a bit confused.

"I dunno, I needed a break today," he shrugs. Out of character, but understandable.

"Well, glad you joined us. I was third wheeling pretty heavily," I smile.

"Oh, I get that. Those two are stuck together. I don't know why they don't date."

Same goes for you and me, pal.

We walk together, and everything feels right. It's that perfect feeling when everything just clicks into place, as if you're exactly where you're supposed to be.

And I know I'm supposed to be by his side.