Chapter Ten

"…. And now, let us all welcome Michael's ex-girlfriend and maid of honor…"

I could barely hear what the guy in the suit was saying, but the girl in a brown dress kept yelling at me to get up. So, I guessed he was talking about me. I couldn't recognize the guy who was ending his speech and was now pulling my arm to the stage. In the background I heard laughter and clapping. It hurt my ears. I nervously took one step, then another. I looked at my feet because they felt so heavy, and I felt like I was pulling a car with my feet, and not walking.

I heard Michael's voice, "Come on Jessica, say something."

I stood still and turned to the audience. Everyone was dressed up, and their curious faces were burning into me. The pressure. I was never good at public speaking, why was I doing this? I cleared my throat and looked at my shaking hands. I was holding a small piece of paper. There was some writing on it, but I couldn't read it, it was blurry, and the letters kept jumping from one side to another. I was sweating profusely, by now.

What do I say? Why am I here?

"Um…Hi…I'm Jessica."

This isn't the AA meeting, Jessica. They are not going to HI you back. Say something. My brain was working overtime. My legs started to shake, "Um, yes, I'm Michael's ex-girlfriend…"

That got a reaction from the audience. Laughter. I was funny. They must have found me funny, as well. No, it's not that. No, they were mocking me. Why were they mocking me? I looked around, trying to find an EXIT sign, a way out, and I spotted it. Except, underneath it, was Zach. He was standing there, looking at me. He mouthed something I couldn't quite understand, but my body relaxed instantly. My legs and my hands stopped shaking, and the cold sweating stopped. I straightened my back and cleared my throat once again. But, before I could say something, I felt the ground underneath me disappear, and I was free falling. I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out.

I woke up screaming and drenched in sweat.

"Jessica, Jessica, is everything ok?" I heard Zach's worried voice outside my door.

I sighed, and answered, "Yeah, I'm fine. It's ok, just a bad dream, Zach."

"Are you sure? Cause my foot is ready to break down the door, if needed?"

I laughed, "Yes, I'm sure. Go back to bed, and we'll talk tomorrow."

"Ok, drink some water, and If you feel sick or something, I have drugs for it."

"I will, doctor. Let's stop this, across the door chit chat, and go to bed."

I heard him laugh, and after a few seconds, the laughter disappeared, and I heard his door shut.

I stayed up, for a little while. The nightmares are starting again. The last time I had them was the first time they told me that the treatment worked. It didn't. It didn't work as they hoped, but I didn't know that, and they didn't know. They only found out a couple of days later when the test results came back. That was when Doctor Jenkins called us in. I remembered that phone call like it was yesterday. I was on the phone with Gina, and she was telling me about this great club she wanted us to go to celebrate my newly cancer free life. The unknown number kept beeping and interrupting our call.

"Gina, I'll call you right back. I have an unknown number calling me."

"Who's calling you at this hour?" It was 10 pm.

"I don't know. Maybe, I like, won something?"

She laughed, "Ok call me right back."

"Hello", I answered the unknown number.

"Hello, Jessica, this is Doctor Jenkins.

"Oh, hi doctor, why are you calling me this late?"

"Jessica, I need you to come in tomorrow."

My belly did a somersault. I felt sick. Those are not the words you want to here.

While I was in chemo, I never really head any bad or good dreams. Once, I dreamt of a squirrel that couldn't climb a tree. I woke up laughing at the bizarre dream. So, why was it starting again? The first doctor, that I honestly couldn't remember the name of, cause I was 12 when I met him, and Doctor Jenkins, they both told me the side effects of the chemo were nightmares. But I kept telling them that I didn't have any. They started occurring in the period of remission, or so I thought, and they were starting now.

I really needed to get some sleep. So, I turned around, in my enormous bed, and thankfully went right back into a dreamless sleep.