Withering Conscious

The scars closely knit together

Almost healed,

Burst wide open again.

This time

I can't stop the battle

Ravaging in my head.

The sleepless nights echo

The chaos in my overthinking, intrusive thoughts.

It sends angels running and demons dominating

When I look into the stars and I don't see myself.

I don't see the real me

In the layers of scar after scar

Tearing, twisting, kicking each version of me,

To the ground.

Anxiety makes me so scared of failure while

Depression kills my motivation.

Together they hold my head against the world.

The world is so unfair and unkind it

Sent me with spiders crawling down my throat

Telling me to just give up and let the poison set in.

While the butterflies in my stomach

Make me want to giggle for more breath,

For hope or settle for the ordinary.

But the problem is I'm letting both take over,

Nothing hurts more than

The mind that wants to die,

And the heart that just wants to be more than alive.