Eggshells

The world is covered in eggshells

I beg to myself I wouldn't break one,

How I could hate myself

For not portraying as someone they want me to be.

Maybe it's because my anxiety is telling me I failed,

I broke it when I knew better,

If only I didn't speak,

If only I held everything inside,

If only I didn't feel so wrong,

If only the body I'm in feels strong enough

To stand in crowds of people covered in eggshells

I'm so scared I'll hurt in the wrong way.

I've been called a disappointment

I'm scared of being abandoned for just being me.

But I don't need to hold up to someone

When they haven't been in my shoes.

My shoes are heavy so I'm bound to hit the eggshells.

I'm bound to make mistakes.

I was that chick in the egg that felt falsely safe,

But once my innocence cracked

I realized the world is darker,

People I love are temporary,

In the temporary life we live.

Learning shouldn't come from self-sabotage,

There's risk in drowning in the pond you swim,

Risk in the people who gave you life,

End up hurting you and one of them leave.

To the reality that is based in fantasy

Built on a pedestal where you deserved

To never worry about walking on eggshells,

To never worry about your life falling apart,

To never worry about getting out of bed.

To have basic decency to grow up

With what you should have deserved.