CHAPTER 1 : I DON'T CARE

Nat's POV

Peace.

That's what I feel now.

Sorrow.

Something I can't feel anymore.

It's better this way or so it seems to me.

I'm better.

I've been wanting to feel this way for an eternity now and now that I do, I don't know what to feel anymore.

I don't want this to sound like I'm whining, I got everything I ever wanted.

'Except-' the little voice in my head reminds me and try to think of something else but it's not as easy as it seems.

I get up from my bed and go stand next to my window and stare out of it.

I open the window after a little while and gentle breeze comes in my room and I smile.

The weather outside looks so good that I want to go out, roam around and just enjoy the day.

I close my window with a sad smile on my face and sigh.

Leaning against my window, I remember that I've to apply my medication.

I apply the ointment on my scar which is right above my heart.

The bullet missed my heart by barely an inch which thankfully saved me.

But it couldn't save my heart from being crushed into pieces nor could it save my tattered soul.

"I'm over this, I'm over this," I say under my breath and try to calm myself down.

Somewhere along the line after repeatedly saying this phrase, I convinced myself that this is true and sometimes it is true but otherwise it's just the good old facade I'm too used to wear.

I hear a knock on my door and the doctor comes in with his usual data sheet attached to a clipboard to check on me.

"Good morning," I greet him with a smile.

"Morning, how's it going?" he asks while checking the machines to which various parts of my body are attached to.

"The usual," I say and he smiles.

"When can I be discharged?" I ask him which causes him to arch an eyebrow.

"Well, everything does seem right so soon," he says and goes back to checking my vitals.

A few minutes later he stands in front of me to do the normal routine and I roll my eyes.

"Follow my fingers," the doctor says like he says every day and I groan inwardly but I do as I'm told to.

The bullet did miss my heart but because I feel down I got a serious concussion and my head hasn't been right ever since.

"How are you feeling now?" he asks me with a polite smile.

"Better," I reply and look away from his peering gaze.

It's been a month.

A month full of recovering and heartache but I'm better now.

Better than I've ever been.

I say this a lot.

"Well, as everything seems fine I can say that you're fit to be discharged. I'll tell your parents and you can leave," he says and closes the door behind him.

I call up Nina to let her know that I'm good to go.

We've become closer than ever and nothing makes me happier. I told her everything about my past, present, and future and surprisingly she stayed by my side and helped me recover.

It's been quite a peaceful month.

I start packing my clothes and putting them in the big bag I got with me.

Minutes later, I hear a knock on the hospital door and rush to open. I find Nina standing outside and she rushes to hug me which is a warm gesture.

"Someone's happy," she says as soon as she steps in my hospital room.

"That would be me," I say and grin at her and she smiles in return.

"I'm so glad you're leaving this place," she says and eyes the room darkly.

"Still better than where I'm going to go from here at least," I say with a sigh and she looks away.

"I don't think he--" she starts to say but I cut her off by saying, "I don't care."

"That's good, I'm glad we're past that stage when you used to burst out in tears when I said his name. I had to walk on eggshells," she says and shakes her head.

"Well yeah," I say with a laugh and she laughs with me.

"You've packed your stuff?" she asks me while eyeing my bag.

"Yeah, I was just doing that before you came," I tell her and pick up my bag.

She hugs me for a minute and holds me at an arm's length before saying, "let's go home."

"Let's," I say and grab my bag and leave the room.

=======

"Do your parents know?" she asks me when she pulls the car onto the road.

Soft music fills the car and I hum along with it's beat, momentarily forgetting about Nina's question.

"Yeah, they do. They wanted to be here, especially mom. You know how she is. But they couldn't come because they're in Italy," I say with a sigh.

"And are you thinking of going back to Italy?" she hesitantly asks me as if we're still on those damn eggshells.

"Gah, I don't know. I'm still confused," I say and look outside from the car window.

After I very badly messed up the first and only mission, I thought that the clan members would chuck me out of the clan but somehow they didn't.

They said that as long as I completed the mission all would be good which I did. I was supposed to go back to Italy as soon as I was done and take my place as the leader but after being shot I didn't really feel like going back to Italy and becoming the leader of the most dangerous clan in Italy.

"We're here," Nina calls out after a while and stops in front of my old house.

I feel a whirlwind of emotions when I look at the house.

I look at the house next to it and try to peep in.

"It's vacant," Nina tells me as she hands me my bag from her car.

"I don't care anyway," I say with a smile and open the gate of my house.