I Actually Love Her

I went straight back to my dorm after that talk. I don't want to ask her reasons why because I feel like it'll hurt me more. But the moment she said those words kept repeating on my mind, and it's making me feel crazy.

"We should break up."

But why did she looked like that? The moment she said those words with a ver cold tone, I could see it in her eyes that she didn't want it to happen either. Though things still ended up that way.

Then I started to tell myself that I won't cry just because of a stupid break up. Our relationship wasn't so serious anyway, and I know myself that relationships made on a whim can end in a whim… just like my relationship with Xia.

…why though?

Why do I feel so bothered by it? Why can't I talk without having my voice shaking? Why can't I stop thinking about her? Why does it feels so tight in my chest?

As I closed my eyes, all I could see was Xia. And all I could think of is my every moment with Xia.

The first time we met, the first time we talked, the first time we held hands, the first time we went on a date, the time when I think she was cute, the countless times she hugged me… damn it, and to think I got attached in such a short period of time.

I could only blame myself for having such feelings. I do find her lovable and maybe I actually fell for her in the process.

And then I remembered her words last time.

"So, do you still wanna date me?"

"Yes, I already got the chance I wanted, so I won't let it slip by so easily."

"Why so eager?"

"Because, I really like you and I'll make sure to make you fall inlove with me too."

She got what she wanted, but why is she so cruel to throw me away like this? I sighed and just buried my face with my pillow. I decided to just sleep it all off until a certain someone showed up with a loud mouth.

"Yuji! Are you here!?"

"Hng, so loud." I complained.

"Ah thank goodness you're here! You didn't showed up at the last few subjects so I got scared with your disappearance and started searching for you." He climbed up at the bunk bed ladder to get a good look at me, and I just glared at him to fuck off.

"Leave me alone!"

"…Yuji, were you crying?" He looked worried and had his hand reaching me, but he stops as I slapped his hand away.

"It's none of your business, so go back to school!"

"Yuji, I'm not gonna leave my bestfriend like this-" he placed his hand on my back. "-especially when at times I know you need someone to help the most."

"…"

"Come on Yuji, we've been friends for so long. You know I can never leave you at a time like this."

"…you're so nosy."

"I can't help it, I'm worried about you."

It took me a couple of minutes before I could tell him what's been troubling me. "It's… Xia."

"W-What happened?"

"We broke up."

He fell silent for a while before asking me about it again. "Didn't you guys just became a couple two months ago? Something like that isn't something so serious right?"

"…Toma I, I just started to like her and all of a sudden… she doesn't want to be with me anymore." He didn't talk when I paused so I continued. "Isn't it so cruel of her to leave me like this?"

And when I turned my head to see his expression, I was shocked by the tears falling down on his cheeks. "Toma?..."

"Y-You're right. It is unfair."

"Are you a-"

He avoids my gaze and climbs down the ladder. "I'll give you some time alone. I'm gonna return to school." With him leaving just like that, it left me with confusing thoughts and feelings.