Security Woes

In a space of pure whiteness, the giant blocky title and a certain rose emblem drop from the sky to the ground, where the four miniaturized members of Team RWBY pop out from behind it to smile, wave and adopt poses for the audience while an unseen speaker announces the show as: 'RWBY CHIBI'!  

Beacon kitchen...

Sitting at the kitchen table, Nora Valkyrie repeatedly hits Lie Ren in the head with Magnhild, Pyrrha Nikos uses her polarity to spin a spoon, and Jared Shay is lying down on the floor. Jaune Arc enters, carrying a rolled-up cylinder.

"Let me guess. You guys are bored." Jaune said.

"Totally! I played the Pokémon Diamond and Pearl remakes. And they are beyond boring. I need something to do." Jared said, looking up at Jaune.

"Of course the fanboy that is into things is bored. What about you guys?' Jaune asked, looking at the rest of Team JNPR.

"I need to be entertained or my brain turns to oatmeal. The bland kind, not the kind with sprinkles. Uggggh, now I'm bored and hungry." Nora said.

"I was fine before all the head trauma. Does anyone else hear bells ringing?" Ren asked, shaking his head to the sound of metallic tinkling.

"Well, hey! I know a fun thing we can do." Jaune said.

Nora stands up on her chair excitedly, "Aw, yes. Does it involve hammers?"

"No hammers." Jaune said, while Nora moans disappointedly. "It's a super fun board game."

"Oooh, I love board games! How does it work? Tell me, tell me, tell me so I can crush you all." Nora said, smiling.

"You crush me? Nah. Who won at Risk a hundred times in a row last time? Or at Battleship? Or at Jenga?" Jared asked, looking at Nora.

"You. I still beat you at Monopoly, Clue, and Chutes and Ladders."

"Guys. Don't talk about other games. Let's talk about this one." Jaune said, unraveling the game to reveal a farm. "It's called Compost King. You play as a farmer collecting organic scraps for your compost heap. Whoever gets the biggest pile of mulch becomes, wait for it, the Compost King!"

There's an awkward moment of silence as everyone stares at Jaune.

"Hmm, OK. Yeah. Th-that sounds kind of like..." Pyrrha said.

"The opposite of super fun." Ren said.

"It really is. And I know fun." Jared said, letting out a sigh.

"Eh uh, what? No! Did I mention the mulching takes place in real time? A single game can last for days or even weeks." Jaune said.

"So what? You are trying to make this fun. Ready Nora?" Jared asked, looking at Nora.

"Ready Jared." Nora said, grabbing one of the farmer game pieces.

"In 3...2...1..."

"Oh no!" Nora said, with a fake country accent. "My cows are being abducted by aliens!" She makes fake gun noises. "Save the cute cows."

"Yeah. Save the cows from the aliens! These are as bad as Daleks or Cybermen!" Jared said, looking down at the farm.

"Uh, no. There's no cows or aliens." Jaune said.

"I'll help you fight the aliens." Pyrrha said, trying to do a country accent.

"Yay! I got myself a partner in crime." Jared said, trying to do a country accent. "Y'all want to take down these aliens or what?"

"I sure do." Pyrrha said, using her Semblance to make a farmer piece knock down the other farmer piece. "Punch, punch, kick!"

"You are ruining the integrity of the game." Jaune said.

"Never fear." Ren said, with a piece in his hand. "The Cow Protection Force is here. I'm sorry, aliens, but I must inform you that these cows are under my protection. Any and all attempts to abduct them will be met with legal action."

Ren slaps his hand on the table, causing the board to shake.

"Guys, we can't have any fun if you don't follow the rules." Jaune said.

"Jaune, please help us fight the alien invaders. Oh no...!" Nora said, in a country accent.

"I will not."

"But, Jaune, the aliens' only weakness is... compost!" Nora said.

"Compost is a better weakness than vinegar any day!" Jared said, laughing a lot.

"Better than vinegar? Why didn't you say so?" Jaune asked.

"You're in trouble now, alien cow-nappers." Nora said, making gun noises and using a country accent.

"Compost King to the rescue!" Jaune said, attempting a country accent.

"Board games were a great idea, Jaune!" Pyrrha said, excitedly.

"They do help you be less bored. And making this into a Dungeons and Dragons campaign was the best idea." Jared said, smiling.

Airport...

The Shopkeep is airport security. Cinder Fall waits on the other side of the metal D-TECT for Emerald Sustrai and Mercury Black to pass through. Emerald gets by without a problem. A green check mark shows up on the D-TECT screen.

Mercury steps under the arch and an alarm goes off, a red X showing up on the D-TECT screen. The shopkeep shakes his head while Mercury's shoulders fall and he lets out a grunt of frustration.

The Shopkeep runs a metal D-TECT wand over Mercury, and it goes off only near Mercury's legs. Watching from the other side, both Emerald and Cinder look unhappy. The Shopkeep shakes his head. Mercury's shoulders fall again with an even more drawn out sigh of frustration.

Cinder and Emerald wait on the other end of the security belt for personal belongings. Mercury goes through head first and his skeleton is seen on the screen, including his metallic legs. The alarm goes off again and the Shopkeep's head pops up from behind the belt. He shakes it. A tear is seen falling from Mercury's right eye socket while Cinder and Emerald deflate and groan.

Team RWBY's dorm...

Weiss Schnee opens to the door to Team RWBY's dorm and freezes, eyes going wide at the sound of Ruby Rose and Jared Shay calling out.

"Wait!" Ruby said, worried.

"Careful!" Jared said, terrified.

Weiss has one foot up in the air, ready to step into the room. A zoom out shows Ruby standing on the arms of a wooden chair in the middle of the room, Jared sitting on Ruby's bunk bed, and Blake Belladonna reading a book on the top bunk bed behind Ruby. Ruby jumps down onto the seat of the chair and Weiss stands normally in the hall.

"The floor is lava!" Ruby said.

"It really is lava! I knew this day would come eventually!" Jared said.

"I swear the two of you are five years olds." Weiss said, looking between Ruby and Jared.

"Weiss, this is a matter of life and death! Tell her, Blake, Jared!" Ruby said, looking at Weiss.

"It really is a matter of life and death. I, um, couldn't even leave Ruby's bed all morning." Jared said, sadly.

Blake looks up from her book, "Yeah... life and death."

"Ruby..." Weiss said. "Jared..."

"Look, we don't know how it happened, but if you treasure your life you must learn the ways of parkour..." Ruby said, while Weiss gets out Myrtenaster. "...balance and gymnastics..."

"Parkour? In Remnant? Ruby..." Jared said, while Weiss activates a glyph and floats across the floor to the bottom bunk bed and opens a textbook. "Can't they just use their Semblances?"

"They could, but still..." Ruby said, staring at the spot where Weiss once was. "OK, well, that's just cheating."

Yang Xiao Long opens the closed door to Team RWBY's dorm and freezes, eyes going wide at the sound of Ruby and Jared calling out.

"Wait!" Ruby said, worried.

"Careful!" Jared said, terrified.

Zoom out shows the same montage as before: Ruby on the arms of the chair, Jared sitting on Ruby's bunk, Blake on the top bunk of the bunk bed she shares with Yang, and Weiss now on the bottom bunk Blake and Yang share.

"The floor is lava." Blake and Weiss said, without looking up.

"Oh. No foolin'?" Yang asked.

Ruby jumps down onto the seat of the chair.

"Yes! Dear sister, if you value your life you'll tread carefully! One misstep could mean certain doom..." Ruby said.

"Yang. It's lit. Literally! Be careful!" Jared said, looking at Yang.

Yang crouches and then uses Ember Celica to launch herself onto the top bunk next to Blake.

"You guys are the worst except Jared." Ruby said.

Roman Torchwick bangs open the closed door to Team RWBY's dorm.

"Time to meet your makers, Huntresses and ally of justice!" Torchwick said, doing an evil laugh.

Torchwick starts to run into the room but freezes at the sound of Ruby and Jared calling out.

"Wait!" Ruby said, worried.

"Careful!" Jared said, terrified.

Torchwick pulls back and puts his left hand on his heart, eye wide with concern. A zoom out shows Ruby standing on the arms of the chair in the middle of the room, Jared sitting on Ruby's bunk bed, with Weiss, Blake, and Yang on the bunk beds all reading.

"The floor is lava." Weiss, Blake, and Yang said, without looking up.

Torchwick's shoulders fall in unimpressed confusion.

"Huh?" Torchwick asked.

Ruby jumps down onto the seat of the chair, "Roman Torchwick! I know we've had our differences in the past, but please hear us out."

"I know that you like Neo and Neo loves you. Don't come in here! For the love of God. Don't!" Jared said, looking at Torchwick.

Torchwick straightens and his eyes narrow.

"The moment you pass through that doorway you'll be burned alive!" Ruby said, angrily.

"It hurts. So much. I knew this day was coming..." Jared said, sadly.

"Oh for the love of..." Torchwick said, shoulders lowered again and he straightens and pulls out Melodic Cudgel. "Alright!"

Yang, Blake, and Weiss finally look over at Torchwick.

"I'm killing you first." Torchwick said, aiming his weapon at Ruby.

Torchwick jumps into the room, immediately putting his hands up in the air.

"Oh, it burns!" Torchwick said.

Yang, Blake, and Weiss look at him, mouths dropping open and eyes going wide. Ruby and Jared are unsurprised.

"It burns! Ahhhh!" Torchwick said, dissolving through the floor, leaving only his hat behind.

"And there he goes..." Jared said, letting out a sigh. "This could have easily been prevented."

"Yeah..." Ruby said, looking at the rest of her team. "We tried to warn him."

Yang, Blake, and Weiss can only blink in shock.