Chapter 10 It's better if you stay away from me

(note: (BF/N) = Your boyfriend name)

*

Your friend had set you up at a small table, away from prying eyes and ears.

As usual, he had not done things halfway, the table was very nicely decorated, a few candles and trinkets here and there, and finally, in the center, a very beautiful vase with your favorite flowers. It's been a long time since you've seen them, flowers were so rare and so expensive in hell.

You ordered your favorite meal and Boris ordered his. Once you were served, Boris began to question you.

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"So my little boss, tell me everything, what happened? How did you get here?"

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You bit your tongue. You didn't want to talk about all this, even with your best friend..

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"It's quite complicated Boris."

"Y/N we have all the time, it's not like we're here for eternity, tell me, I want to know everything. A mission went wrong? Or is the poli-"

"I was killed by the Boss" you cut him coldly.

*

Boris' body froze

"Wh-what? The boss killed you? How is that possible? Did he find out that we wanted to make you leave the country with BF/N? Where is he anyway? Isn't He with you? What happened?"

*

You got tense when you heard your boyfriend's name. The images that haunted your nightmares appeared in your brain, making you tremble without you being able to control yourself.

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"I'll never see him again, Boris. "You said in a trembling voice as you held back from crying.

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It hurts so much...

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"Some time after your death, the boss took advantage of the fact that I was psychologically fragile to get rid of him better. I... I could never have predicted what he was going to do in my condition, at the time I didn't even know that the boss was at the origin of your death.

He blew up our car and I was hit by the explosion. I had "the chance" to get out of it but.."

*

You closed your eyes for a moment, even talking to your best friend about it was a torture. You instinctively looked down, and grabbed your stomach, growling in frustration.

Boris was surprised, it was not your style to look down even in the most difficult moments. He noticed that you had turned your head towards his brother who served the Bar's guests and when he saw your hand on his stomach, he understood

*

"Oh shit... I didn't know, I'm really sorry that you lost everything so suddenly and that I wasn't here. »

"It's not your fault" you answered him with the most neutral tone you could use" I got you into my problems Boris, if I hadn't been there you'd still be alive with your little brother. »

*

Boris laughed when he heard your answer

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"Come on little boss," he began by gently placing his hand on yours to bring you some comfort. "You're not responsible for what happened, you know, I should have been more vigilant and careful before we left on this mission. "

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Idiot

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"I could have done things differently on my side, you know? »

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No... you're wrong.

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You removed your hand with a frosty expression and without saying a word. Your eyes spoke for you.

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Shut up! Shut up!

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"I should have been more careful, I should have forced you to leave the country faster. "

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Shut up... Why don't you want to understand?

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"I'm sure if I could have convinced you to leave faster despite the risks and lack of papers we had at our disposal, you would have already built a family and you could have finally had-"

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IT IS MY FAULT! IT HAS TO BE ! WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND IT?!

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"Enough" you cut him coldly... it looked more like a warning than anything else.

*

Boris backed away a little bit because of your tone, he didn't expect you to have become so cold and defensive.

Well, it was a truth, you had never been very demonstrative in the case of showing your feelings, you were often emotionless, making you smile was a real challenge, and making you laugh was almost impossible.

In a way, who could blame you? Life had always been a bitch to you, and Boris saw it well. Life was horrible with you in your youth, and even within the mafia.

He suspected that behind your severe and ruthless appearance, you were screaming in pain and begging God for things to improve, unfortunately for you, until the end he was deaf to your distress.

*

He knew very well what was going on when your boss asked you to be alone with him. You always came out of his office very late each time he asked you that, and every time he saw you, he hated himself for not being able to intervene.

Yet, to his amazement, you have never been complaining about it.

You continued to face your boss's abuses with the same tenacity.

Never to his knowledge, you had looked down at him or anyone else.

You've never expressed your pain before. You kept silent no matter the cost and coldly rejected the help that could be offered to you.

Oh how much he had always admired and hated you for it, he never really understood why you stubbornly didn't ask for help and kept quiet in your pain.

*

He looked at you with empathy and tried to talk.

*

"Y/N, please, listen to me."

"Tell me what happened on your side, why are you hiding here?" You asked seriously by dodging the subject.

*

Your friend sighed, you definetly hadn't changed ... You're still avoiding subjects that upset you.

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"Suffering and acting in silence" Is how you had behaved in your life.

*

He preferred to answer you in order to avoid that make you mad.

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"Well, when I arrived here, I started selling weapons that I could find after the various exterminations, thanks to which I made many friends and partners," he explained, pointing out several demons in the bar. "However, I made a little mistake."

"Which one? »

"Well, I kind of got into a fight with the radio demon without really wanting to.

So it forced me to create this little hideout." laughed Boris in a rather embarrassed tone.

*

You froze. Seriously, this fucking deer was definitely following you everywhere.

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"Just that?" you asked coldly when you raised your eyebrow.

"Yeah... in fact, one of my friends had the brilliant idea to provoke him, I tried to defend him, but I only managed to make things worse" he explained with a little irritation.

*

You sighed.

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"You always had the gift of putting yourself in dangerous situations, Boris," you sighed as you pinched the edge of your nose. "How did you manage to survive?"

"It was my little brother who saved me, without him I don't think I'd be here talking to you. By the way, that's how we found each other.

He was able to distract that deer for a few seconds by stab him in the back and we had enough time to escape."

"And why hide here? Don't be mad at me, but I think it's pretty suicidal."

"Who would be crazy enough to think that someone would dare to hide in the territory of the Radio demon? And who would be crazy enough to hide in the territory of a demon whiwh you messed with? »

"It's a way of looking at it. "you answered without emotion.

*

What a fool... He seemed to think Alastor would forgive him for this affront, but you knew he wouldn't. To think otherwise would be naive and stupid.

You were starting to think about how you could fix things between Boris and that deer.

You bit the inside of your cheek, it really wasn't going to be easy since you had an argument with him a short time ago. You were such a fool...

Boris took a sip of his drink and asked for you.

*

"You look thoughtful, is something's wrong? If it's because of the deer don't worry, I haven't heard from him for a while, I think he just gave up."

"Don't be stupid, Boris, he's not a person who forgets. He can sometimes make it look as if he is not taking things seriously, but he is very far from letting his prey go so easily. To think otherwise is just stupidity" you answered with acidity. "If he sees you, he will kill you mercilessly. »

"Did you meet him to be so sure of what you're saying? Or do you believe in rumors?"

"I almost died against him and I work with him at the princess' hotel, is that enough for you?" You growled.

Boris spat his drink in shock and almost suffocated.

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"You what?"

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You gave him a cold look that spoke for you. "Do I need to repeat myself?"

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Your friend's eyes widened in amazement.

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"Wait a moment little boss, I'm not sure I understand. You confronted the radio demon, miraculously you managed to get out of it, and found yourself working with him in that joke that is the Hazbin Hotel?"

"That's right."

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Boris' mouth fell off.

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"I thought there was no second chance for you. What made you work for the princess? Don't tell me you believed her speech about rehabilitation. Even Nikolai could hardly believe it."

"I'm not trying to rehabilitate myself if that's what you think, Boris, I'm just helping her, and with that, I'm trying to keep an old promise I owe someone."

*

Boris didn't understand you right away, it took him a few minutes to put all the elements together and understand to whom you owed this promise.

His face was the very personification of anxiety. He really hoped he was mistaken about your motivations.

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"Fuck, Y/N you made that promise to someone who wasn't even alive yet, it's suicide! Forget that promise! You're dead, you're in hell, no one will hold you accountable if that's what you're afraid of. You should get out of this hotel while you still can, especially if the radio demon has a grudge against you.

To die a second time is like being erased from existence, it's a complete void, and you don't deserve that, no matter how much you deny it, you don't deserve that."

*

You looked at Boris with a mocking smile.

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"It's not my style to bow my head in front of these kind of people Boris, you know me well enough to know that, don't you? Moreover, I promised the princess that I would help her, and I never go back on a promise, I always keep my word no matter the cost. »

*

Boris frowned. Your principles were definitely going to drive him crazy.

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"This is pure madness little boss. Please st-"

"Maybe it's pure madness, However my decision is taken Boris."

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The man sighed. You could be so stubborn sometimes...

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"And how are things with the deer? I mean, it must be quite disturbing for you, after all (BF/N) was working in the media field too, right? "

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Wrong question

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"Don't you dare to compare him to that egomaniac" You growled aggressively. "They have nothing in common. Alastor is an arrogant, overconfident man, and modesty is almost unknown to him.

(BF/N) may have some flaws but he was a good person who was always ready to help others through the media in which he worked depiste all the risks. As for Alastor, he makes the others suffer and laughs at their misfortune, besides this is why he wants to help the princess.

He can swagger as much as he wants, he will never have anything between his legs. Never!"

*

Your eyes had turned red when you spoke, showing your anger and hatred. Boris had backed up and collapsed into his chair following your explosive reaction. Jeez He started to miss your bad mood, but not that much.

*

"Okay okay, okay, little boss, excuse me, I didn't mean to offend you, believe me.

But how did you manage to get along if you hate it so much?"

"We know it would harm the hotel, so we try to keep calm, and we try to avoid provoking ourselves as best we can. It's not easy everyday that's a truth."

*

Boris looked at you sadly. But what had you gotten yourself into? It was pure madness, pure madness! That deer was going to kill you sooner or later. Alastor knew you had power and territory. You were a potential danger to the radio demon and that was enough motivation for him to get rid of you. He didn't want to lose you again.

*

"I'm going to work at the hotel with you. "He said with determination.

You immediately froze. No no no! Not again! Not again!

*

"No, I forbid it Boris, it's my business, not yours."

"Y/N, I'm not going to continue my little business and leave you in the hands of that deer, I've only just found you, I don't want to lose you again."

*

You growled. Obviously, it wasn't going to be that simple, it was for these kinds of reactions that you didn't want to find them. It would have been easier for you than to face your past. Why didn't you listen to you? You were making the same Y/N mistakes again....

*

"If it's so difficult for you, Boris, forget about me."

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The wolfdog looked at you with an astonished expression.

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"Wh-What? Why do yo-?"

"Boris... you can't imagine how happy I am to have found you with your little brother, you were the two little lights in my life when I was working in the mob, I couldn't have wished to have better friends. Nevertheless, for your own good, I think you should stay away from the hotel and stay away from me, I couldn't bear it if someone hurt you because of me or my plans. Please try to understand me."

*

You got up with a painful expression on your face.

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You didn't want to leave, but you knew it was the best solution.

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"I'll arrange with Alastor so you won't have any more problems with him, I promise to both of you."

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You looked around you to see that Nikolai continued to serve customers and that he had not seen you get up. Maybe it was better that way. You couldn't stand to see him crying

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"Thank you for the meal, Boris... please, be safe with your brother."

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Boris looked at you completely confused and bewildered. He wanted to say something to hold you back, but nothing could get out of his throat.

*

You left the bar and headed for the exit. When you reached the ladder leading to the hatch you heard fast footsteps.

Instead of quickly climbing up and running away, you turned around to see Boris completely out of breath a few feet away. Was he crying? You immediately felt bad for your friend. For a brief moment you were almost ready to hug him against you for a comforting hug. But you abstained and tried to keep a neutral expression on your face.

*

"How can you tell me to forget you! "Boris shouted

«... »

"Y/N you're my best friend, try to understand me for five minutes! I could never protect you! I Have never been able to protect you in my all fucking life! I couldn't protect when the boss abused you, I couldn't protect the happiness you touched with your finger, and I couldn't prevent your death. You... You did everything for Nikolai and I, you always protected us, no matter what it cost you, you even took the hits for us. So please let me return the favour."

*

His words touched you in spite of yourself. However, you didn't want him to put himself in danger for you.

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"I might have said yes if you hadn't had your brother Boris. Nikolai is young, and I don't want to take him back into my problems and it's the thing with you." You said despite your throat which was gradually beginning to knot. "Believe me, it's better this way. Especially for your little brother. Don't worry about me, I can take care of myself."

*

Boris' ears collapsed on his head and begged you with his eyes.

His eyes have brought you immense suffering. Why didn't you listen to yourself? Why ?

You tried to give him your best and most reassuring smile you could give him, and you gently hugged him. The wolfdog hugged you as he trembled.

You gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder.

*

"If you really want to return the favor, promise me you'll stay safe with your brother" you asked him gently.

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He nodded without saying a word. With a painful smile you turned to the ladder and started climbing it.

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"Will I ever see you again? "he suddenly asked

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You stopped just a moment to look at him.

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"I think it's better to do as if you've never met me before, it's better for you and your brother right now. However, if one day you really need my help, you know where I am. "you told him in a neutral tone.

*

"Fine little boss... please be safe"your friend replied with pain.

*

You didn't answer to him, you kept climbing the ladder, and every time you went up to the exit, you felt like you were being stabbed in the heart.

Why did they have to be there? Oh Lucifer why? Why didn't God welcome them to Heaven? They deserved it so much, much more than anyone you had ever met in your life.

You quickly reached the exit. You closed the trapdoor behind you and ran as far as you could.

Once you had judged that you were far enough away you tried to resist to the will to cry.

*

"It hurts so much" you said in you mind

*

You took a deep breath, and ignored your feelings as you had always done in your life. You placed your usual cold expression on your face and walked towards the hotel. Despite the pain, you knew very well that You didn't have time to cry....

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You had to talk to that deer.

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