Chapter 17: That reflection is not yours...

https://www.deviantart.com/gingine/art/Do-not-betray-me-Burning-Desire-828924021

A little idea of how the reader looks like under my own style, I hope you like it ^^

*

The second teleportation was much less disruptive, although Alastor had to support you to keep you from falling.

You thanked him without looking at him and then looked around to check that you were in your neighbourhood. No doubt, it was. The look of the buildings and houses was in no way foreign to you. A small sigh of relief came from your lips when you realized that you were in your neighborhood.

Alastor slightly cracked his neck, drawing your attention.

*

"... Are you satisfied?" You asked him seriously with a slight fear.

"Satisfied?!" asked Alastor in a shrill tone as if you had insulted him by asking something really obvious. You pursed your lips and moved back slightly.

The deer grabbed you by the shoulders and dragged you towards him with a huge smile.

"It was more than entertaining," He said. "It was so cheerful and so amazing! It's been a long time since I've had this kind of fun at a business dinner!"

You quickly blinked several times with an embarrassed smile. Well, at least you did your part of the deal...

Suddenly the deer grabbed the sides of your face and dragged you towards it so that you looked into its eyes. It stretched your neck so much that you had to tiptoe to avoid pain.

You did your best to keep your neutral expression on your face but it was quite easy to see that you were surprised at his infatuation.

"Really, I don't regret making this deal with you."

A small, tight smile formed on your lips as you were forced to look into his big, red eyes. They glowed with such excitement, it was almost hypnotic.

"I am... delighted to hear it. Can you let go of me now? "you asked, raising an eyebrow with a jaded look.

The deer laughed and let you go, however, he still remained close to you.

"Really darling, almost all business dinners I've had have been were absolute boredom ! It's very rare that I have really enjoyed myself or that my guest has surprised me."

You rolled your eyes with a hypocritical smile.

"So I guess I did my part of the deal, huh? »

"Indeed you have respected it, thereforce I will respect mine my dear. »

"Perfect," you said with a satisfied smile.

*

Alastor observed you for a moment, it was rare to see this kind of smile on you. You looked so calm and reassured, as if a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. For a moment he thought he saw another person in front of him, a more human person.

It was strange...

The deer shrugged his shoulders and gave you his usual smile.

At least this dinner had allowed him to get a better understanding of you, and all the information he was able to get about you will be extremely useful for the future.

However, he was still a little disappointed that he hadn't been able to learn a bit more, for example, he had noticed that you had completely left out everything about your mother from the conversation before using your joker.

Maybe she had been killed, after all, considering the atmosphere in your neighbourhood, that was more than plausible, or maybe she had died of illness and it hurt you to talk about it. He couldn't blame you... he knew himself what it was like to lose his mother.

*

...Ah his dear mother...

*

His smile had gradually softened until he became melancholy.

"Alastor, did you hear me? "Your voice suddenly took him out of his memories.

"Oh forgive me, my dear, I think I was somewhere else for a moment! What did you say? »

You blinked several times. Maybe it was better that he didn't hear you. What you said was almost an admission of defeat for you. So you took advantage of his daydream to correct yourself.

"Nothing important, I was just saying good night and that I'll see you at the hotel tomorrow. " You lied as you put your hands behind your back and prepared to leave, however before you turned your body towards your building the deer came towards you.

"Come on, darling, at least let me walk you to your door. "

"That won't be necessary. Don't bother with that" you replied nicely.

"Nonsense, my darling! " exclaimed the deer, making you startle. "As a Gentleman it is my duty to escort you to your door," he said proudly pointing to himself.

You sighed in reply, he will never change

"All right, I guess I have no choice."

"You guess right," laughed the deer as he took your arm and led you home.

You remained silent as you climbed the stairs to your apartment. Once in front of the door you quickly unlocked the lock and put your hand on the doorknob. You took a deep breath and turned towards the deer.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow? " you asked him with a fake friendly smile.

"Naturally, my dear. I'm really looking forward to working with you again, you're so entertaining. »

You raised an eyebrow in doubt, but you didn't question him, all you wanted to do was go home. You rolled your eyes again and answered in a neutral tone.

"It's good for you to see me like this."

The deer's smile tightened a little at your lack of emotion. Yes, you were entertaining, except in cases like this.

"So I guess I'll see you tomorrow," you said, turning your back on him.

Alastor said goodbye and turned his heels, suddenly, before he snapped his fingers to teleport, you stopped him.

*

"By the way, Alastor...."

*

The man turned to you with confusion and saw that you still had your back to him. You turned your head slightly towards him, but made your face barely visible because of your hair.

"Despite all the little clashes and the small unexpected...Thank you for this evening" you whispered as you opened the front door. The deer's smile widened in satisfaction as he responded to your shy compliment.

"You're very welcome darling. Rest well, we'll have a lot of work tomorrow at the hotel."

"I have no doubt about it. See you tomorrow, Alastor. »

*

And without further ado you entered your house and closed the door.

You then heard a small static noise indicating that the deer had left.

You stood glued to your door for a long time and stared at the floor with an empty gaze, having as your only company the deadly silence of your apartment.

It was done. You'd gotten what you wanted. You'd kept your end of the bargain. Then why did you have this horrible feeling inside you? You felt like something was missing.

With a mechanical gesture you brought your right hand and instinctively touched your lips with your index and middle fingers.

*

What were you missing? What was wrong with it?

*

You had a horrible pressure in your heart, as if you felt guilty about something. Why would you feel guilty? Everything went pretty much all right, didn't it? You even "had fun" at one point... so what was eating you up inside?

You slid along the door to sit on the floor and closed your eyes while sighing with fatigue.

...

Maybe it was because you talked about your past to someone who disgusted you. It took you a long time to tell Boris about your past. Alastor already knew a lot more than he did in just a few days.

Yes, that must have been it...

You got up and walked slowly towards the bathroom. You turned on the light and took the stuff Charlie gave you. Among them was makeup remover. You took it, and then you prepared to remove your makeup. In just a few seconds half your face was completely cleansed.

You admired the difference between your face with make-up and the usual one, and you realized how "tired" you looked without your make-up.

You weren't so radiant with beauty anymore, no, you just looked so tired...

You looked down and then you took off all your makeup. You took a quick shower and swapped your dress for a little nightgown in your favourite colour.

Without a word you crawled under the sheets of your bed and tried to relax.

At last you could sleep in your own bed this time. It felt strange to be in your room again, yet you weren't going to complain about it.

Gradually your eyes closed and the memories of that day went into the corner of your head. You had really experienced an emotional lift between the arrival of the two brothers at the hotel and your dinner with Alastor.

...

Not to mention your meeting with Vox...

You remembered that Nikolai had mentioned him, maybe Boris could give you some juicy information about him, moreover, despite the fact that it seemed strange to you, you felt that you could count on Alastor if you wanted to take on the TV demon. You didn't know why, but you trusted him on this.

*

You sighed as you thought about what would happen if Vox accepted this interview... He would surely try to use you to destroy the hotel or to create a buzz... you had to start preparing yourself to confront him on his own territory.

Still, you had to tell Charlie, she had to know what you had in mind. That interview was really a chance to save the hotel's reputation.

You looked dreamily at the ceiling of your room for a few minutes, then you decided to go to sleep.

You were far too exhausted to think about what happened today. With a yawn you took your favourite position to sleep soundly, then you closed your eyes.

*

You fell asleep very quickly, however, your sweet sleep was only of short duration because your brain and unconscious had decided otherwise.

* * *

You were in complete darkness, it was so cold you couldn't stop your body from shaking.

You looked around hoping to see a light but all you could see was your boyfriend smiling at you.

Your heart racing as you recognized him, your eyes widened in shock and without thinking you ran to him desperately shouting his name as loud as your vocal cords would allow.

He continued to look at you with that same smile that melted your heart, and with that same look full of joy and tenderness that haunted your dreams.

Suddenly he waved goodbye with his hand and walked towards a car.

His car...

"No!" you shouted, "Please don't! Don't get in the car! »

He didn't listen to you, he opened the driver's door and sat down in his seat. Your blood froze when you saw him close the car door. There was only one action left for him to take.

"NO! Please don't go!" You cried.

You tried to pick up the pace, but your legs couldn't move, as if they became stone. You screamed his name again desperately, but the only answer you got was his car exploding.

A horrible scream of pain came out of your mouth and you fell to the ground. You grabbed your head, and you continued crying your eyes out.

It hurt, so bad...

You could still feel the heat of the flames consuming your boyfriend's car. It was so painful as if your heart was being ripped out of your chest, it hurt so much it felt like you were suffocating.

You didn't want to remember those moments...

"I'm sorry," you cried. "I'm so sorry."

That's when you felt a hand on your shoulder, a warm and comforting hand. You slowly raised your head to see your boyfriend looking at you with a reassuring smile.

"Why are you crying Y/N? I'm fine!" He said without losing his smile.

You couldn't answer. You slowly touched his cheek and immediately felt the warmth of his skin.

"You...are...here? " you asked in a trembling voice.

"Shouldn't I be? What's wrong with you Y/N? You look strange, don't you feel well? I told you, I just went at the TV studio for work! What could have happened me?"

You didn't listen to him, you kissed him on the lips, giving him a kiss of relief but also full of remorse.

You hugged him with all your strength, burying your head in his neck, smelling his scent.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. "You apologized by burying your face in his hair. "Please forgive me. I beg you to forgive me. I was so stupid... We should have left earlier, forgive me. If you only knew how sorry I am..."

Suddenly your mouth opened because of a sharp pain in your lower back. He stabbed you. You clung to his clothes with distress as he twisted the knife in your back.

"It's all your fault." He said darkly.

He pushed you back on the floor and stood over you. You looked at him and screamed when you saw his face. He was literally melting! He was burning in front of you!

"Please forgive me," you begged.

Your boyfriend laughed at you as a horrible sadistic smile formed on his face. He walked towards you as parts of his skin began to blacken because of the fire that was consuming him. He was now unrecognizable.

The smell of burning flesh and gasoline attacked your nostrils and gave you a horrible urge to vomit, it was unbearable, unbreathable!

"Please... "you begged again, completely petrified by that ghost you were looking at.

Suddenly, your boyfriend threw himself on you and forced you to stay down. You screamed as you felt the fire consume your skin just as he grabbed your shoulders. Through your frightened screams and pleas, you saw with terror that your boyfriend's eyes turned bloody red as his skin burned.

He was terrifying, you couldn't look away from his face despite the monstruous thing he had become. You felt the weight of your guilt and pain gnaw at your heart and stomach as your boyfriend raised the knife above you again.

"We all died because of you."

And on his words he plunged the blade into your belly.

* * *

You woke up screaming, grabbing your head in terror. Your wolf tail desperately wrapped around you as a comforting way to calm you down, unfortunately, your brain had decided to torture you by remembering the atrocious images of your nightmare over and over again.

*

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen," you repeated with guilt.

*

You were shaking with all your bones, all those memories and nightmares were making you sick! It drove you crazy!

*

Stop it! Stop it, please!

*

You also scratched your belly unconsciously.

*

It was true... You took everything away from them.

*

You got up weakly and walked to the bathroom leaning against the wall. You drank some water and wet your face.

You took a moment to study your reflection in the mirror, and unsurprisingly, you were hideous. Your eyes had turned red from crying, horrible dark circles, and your hair soaked in sweat made you look like a zombie.

You were really scary to look at...

Suddenly your reflection changed, you could see yourself with a radiant smile, and eyes sparkling with joy and energy. It was you, at a time in your life when you thought everything was going to change, that you were going to have a family to love... it was you... like tonight at the restaurant at a particular time.

There was that moment when you felt good... you felt "happy" even if it was just for a short time.

Tears flooded back into your eyes when you saw that reflection. Your teeth clenched as an uncontrollable hatred erupted within you.

That woman, so joyful, and full of energy that you once were, and were tonight, was not you. You were not like that, you knew that better than anyone else, it was anything but you! THIS WAS NO LONGER YOU, THAT PART OF YOUR PERSONALITY WAS DEAD AND THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT OF IT!

Without thinking, you slammed your fist in the mirror, shattering it and your reflection. Your hand was bloody but you didn't even notice it.

*

"It's not me" you whispered as you grabbed your head again. You pulled your hair angrily and even scratched your face and neck. "It's not me... It's not me anymore..." you repeated. "I'm not allowed... I'm not allowed to feel this," you said as you randomly walked through your apartment, leaving behind traces of blood emanating from your hand. The lights in every room were flashing, but in your trance, you didn't notice it.

*

"I'm not allowed to be like this," you whispered as you leaned against a wall. "bad... dirty... betrayal." You looked at your shaking hands. You sat on the floor with an empty gaze for long minutes.

"What's wrong with me? "You asked out loud, as if you hoped someone would answer.

You couldn't hear anything, you couldn't see anything, you couldn't feel anything, you were empty. You were completely lost in a trance. "I can't have fun...I can't have fun...I can't..."

You continued to torment yourself for several minutes... maybe hours? You couldn't answer that question, you had lost track of time.

Suddenly your alarm clock went off, bringing you out of your torpor. You were immediately tensed with surprise when you came to your senses.

You frowned in confusion and looked around you.

You were sitting on the floor in the middle of the hallway in the entrance to your apartment, the walls had several blood stains on them and also on the floor. You touched your neck and face, and felt that you were hurt. That's how it all came back to you.

*

"...Oh Lucifer don't tell me it happened again." You grunted in your mind.

*

You went to your room and took another mirror so you could see the horrible scratch marks on your neck. Your face had partially regenerated, but your neck was different, it was much deeper and still bleeding.

With an empty look you took care of yourself and very quickly cleaned up the disaster you had made in your apartment.

*

It wasn't good. It was imperative that you regain control.

It had been a long time since the last time you had this kind of attack. Maybe the last time was when you were alive... maybe when you were still in the hospital... well... it didn't really matter anymore.

Your goals were simple: Keep your promise by helping the Princess with her hotel, and protect your friends. That was all you had to do. Your reputation was already partly established. The most important thing was to help them. You were not allowed to have fun, you were not allowed to deviate from your goals, you were not allowed to fail.

*

Failure was not an option.

*

You made yourself a coffee to wake you up (of course you added the necessary amount of sugar to drink it). Once this was done, you had a quick breakfast and got ready to go to the hotel. You took care to put on a little scarf to hide your neck and put a bandage on your hand. You had to come up with a little excuse about that. You didn't want to bother anyone with it. Maybe Boris would understand.

If he did, you knew you could count on his silence. The last thing you needed was for the two girls to worry, or for Alastor to know that you were, psychologically unstable and vulnerable for the moment.

*

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