Eternal Nightmare

The night before battle causes tremendous reckoning. Any soldier will tell you that. Tomorrow might be your last. Hopefully you can look back on a life well lived. If not, there will be sorrow. I felt like throwing up. I knew I would.

John had taught me mesmerization as part of my resurrectionist training. I gained the ability to shroud my true thoughts and confuse the inhabitants of hell. They could never gain true sight into my soul and mind. I could project phantom images of wickedness and evil while allowing the love in my soul to continue burning. It was tricky business. Slipping up meant the possibility of being consumed by my evil projections, giving them life and making them reality.

All humans experience negative thoughts. It's not until mind falls away and we reach a state of purification, of pure soul, that we are truly free from all negative intrusions. If we listen to them, believe them, we give them power. You can fight them. Some fight for a very long time, but in a place like hell it's only a matter of time before they'll win out. True purification meant the death of my mind and the birth of my soul, the ultimate goal. If you've seen what I've seen, been where I've been, you'll know, you'll be disturbed, you'll understand.

I've studied great spiritual truths in the realms of light, met great spiritual masters, but still couldn't fully shake the anxiety that clung to my mind like an iron clamp, always a feeling of dread and impending doom. I was told each person will receive true healing if they seek it. I've also been told that each person is responsible for his own healing. It's a big part of the reason I chose to accept John's mission. Maybe the journey could bring personal growth and peace to my heart.

***

Monika took my left hand and Allison's right. She entered a trance, reciting a mysterious language. We descended down from the realms of light. Every part of my being screamed to be taken away, screamed to be rescued. I closed my eyes and opened them to find myself standing on the Bear Creek bridge, built when Millersville was founded over one hundred and fifty years ago.

"I thought we were going to some magical, mystical river, you called the Styx." I said.

"Yep, this is it." Monika said.

"And all these years I thought my friends and I were just swimming in a normal river, gotta love the Devil's Rendition of things." Allison said.

"You know the veil between the two worlds, physical and spiritual, is thin in Millersville." Monika said.

"Yeah, believe me, you don't have to sell me on the idea. I know." Allison said.

"What now?" I asked. My strategy was to minimize as much as possible the interaction between Monika and Allison.

"We need to find Charon." Monika said.

"I was afraid you'd say that."

"I have his coin. Funny how easy it was to come by in my realm." Monika handed me a worn looking gold coin. "A popular currency in ancient Greece, highly valued on earth. Useless in the realms of light and love."

I put the coin my pocket. The face was faded with the image of some guy in a Caesar haircut.

"Look at all the people. They have no clue we're here." Allison said.

The bridge crossed the river at its calmest place, creating a natural spot for vacationers, families, and children to swim and play. It was hot on a Saturday and many had come to take advantage of the river's cool waters.

"I've never seen it so busy before." Allison said.

"They're not all living." Monika said. "Look close, around the head."

Allison and I each took our time looking over the people in the crowd. Sure enough, some people had a faint glow of light surrounding their heads, others did not.

"The ones with the light still occupy a physical body. The light is a barrier, keeping the dead out." Monika said. You'd never notice at first, but once you see it it's impossible to ignore.

A group of spirits approached a small child playing in the water. Their intentions weren't clear. They appeared to be trying to get the child's attention.

"What's going on there?" I asked Monika, pointing to the child.

"The spirits are harmless, they’re just lost. Sad really, children are easier to communicate with than living adults. Children are new to the physical world. They haven't yet lost their spiritual connection to the realms of light like most adults have. The lost spirits are looking for help and direction."

"Will they find it?" I asked.

"If they look hard enough. Seek and you'll find." Monika said.

"Does the child see them?" Allison asked.

"This one does."

"She doesn't seem too concerned." Allison said.

"She sees them as regular people. Like most kids, she's lost in the world of her imagination, doesn't bat an eye." Monika said.

"Were you like that?" I asked.

"Yes, ever since I was little, spirits have tried to communicate with me. I wasn't able to ignore or block them out like this fortunate girl. She could be a strong medium someday."

"What did you do, when you couldn't shut them out?" I asked.

"I was afraid. I tried to hide from them but it was useless. I would be found. Ironically it was the Fritz family who first recognized my gifts and helped me to learn some control."

I glanced towards Allison while Monika was speaking. Her face was glued to the ground. She looked up at me, I quickly looked away. I never told Allison that I met Corey in hell, about what I did to him and those other poor souls, I could never bring myself to think about it. I pushed it out each time it tried to enter my awareness. It tried all the time.

"We should keep moving." I said to change the subject and break my tormented mind.

"Right, we need to find Charon." Monika said.

"Where is he?" Allison asked. Monika raised her pointer finger toward the campground shower.

"Is he some kind of creep? Why is he hanging out in the women's shower?" I said.

"It's hidden. To him it's a boathouse." Monika said. "The starting point where he fairies the damned across the River Styx."

We walked toward the woman's public shower. A small chorus of voices sounded from the playground. A group of Puritan school children were singing. "Soon and very soon we are going to see the king. Soon and very soon we are going to see the king," echoed throughout the grounds. I understood the message but couldn't shake the feeling that the words held a different meaning for me.

I was invisible but it still felt wrong, walking through the doors, like I was violating someone's privacy. I pictured Justin in my mind, ecstatic at the opportunity to enter the woman's shower undetected, saying what a true blessing it was. He'd tell me I was a stick in the mud for my lack of enthusiasm. He wasn't like me, I wasn't like him.

Hot running water formed a mist in the back of the shower. “There it is. The gateway to hell.” Monika said. “Beyond the mist is the land of eternal nightmare.”

We stopped, each looking at the other, no words exchanged. Allison stepped forward, taking the lead, her body less than an inch from eternal flame. I wanted to reach out for her, pull her back from the edge, but my arms hung down at my side as she took the first step and faded away. I turned to Monika and swallowed hard, placing my right toe on the line between the world's like a toddler daring to step into the street. I turned one last time, looking behind me, looking for him.

“I think of him as a father, you know. It hurts, John not being here.” I said to my own surprise. Monika nodded before looking down. “I wish my real dad was here. He'd make it all ok. He was good at that. I miss him.” I faced forward, staring into the void.

“It's ok, Will. I know.” Monika tried to reassure me as we stared at each other, both hesitant to take the final leap.

“William.” The voice from behind was strong. John approached fast, embracing me in a long bear hug. My body fell limp to the floor, tears bursting emotion. John fell with me, his body covering mine, protecting me like a father.

John picked me up, wiped the tears with each of his thumbs. “Thank you for coming. Oh God, John. I'm so scared. I'm so afraid.” I couldn't let go of him as the truth finally came out.

“I know, William. It's ok. I know.” John said. “You're father was a good man, William. He’d be proud, damn proud, as am I.” John's words meant the world to me, fueling a surge of power and pride from within. “I want to thank you,” he said.

I smiled. “Let’s hold off. You can thank me when it's over, after I bring Judas home.”

“No, I want to thank you for teaching me … for reminding me what's it's like to be human again.” I let go of John, turning to face the void, turning to face my fear, choosing to face it all.

“Remember the code; though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil. Give’em hell … Resurrectionist!” John called out as I stepped forward into everlasting fire.

***

The mist parted and we were transported into another world. The weather turned from beautiful sunshine to violent wind and heavy rain. Thunderous crashing of waves echoed against the ferry house walls. Confusion fell everywhere. Newly arrived souls and spirits scrambled around the docks, not knowing what they were looking for. Cries and screams were heard throughout as they were forced onto boats against their will.

Charon was a brutish specimen, giving no mercy to the wailing souls. Hundreds of henchmen worked under him. I doubt they were on the payroll, as their service was forced. Whips and chains herded souls like sheep onto boats that stretched farther than I could see. Lightning seemed to crack against the blood red sky with each scheduled departure.

The crying and wailing shook my already fractured soul. I could feel Allison shaking next to me. I reached out and squeezed her hand until the shaking stopped.

"You look like a ghost." I turned towards Monika. She was hidden to the souls of the realm as they were unable to detect anything of real value and higher spiritual development.

"Because I am." She said. "My spiritual development is much greater than yours."

"Thanks Monika, tell me something I didn't know. You don't have to rub it in."

"It renders me unable to fully grasp a hold on this realm. I can't fully interact. You can see me because your development is higher than the natural requirements for this realm. The inhabitants here have no clue of my existence."

"That's a good thing right?" I asked.

"Yes and no. I can get into places you can't, but I cannot interact with this realm. You'll have to be the hands, feet, and muscle ... as you know."

"Watch out!" A frantic spirit shouted at me as I bumped into him, his face pale white, his fear raging like fire. Allison and I kept moving through the crowd, afraid to slow down. It felt like Grand Central Station for the hellbound. Each ferry ushered spirits to various levels of hell according to the defilement of their souls. We were forced to stop next to a boat loaded with poor unfortunates headed deep into the pit.

"Putrid defilement encrusts your wretched souls." A vile creature stood on top of a thick dock post, spewing vulgarities at his passengers.

"Please, I didn't know. I don't belong here." A groveling soul crawled on his hands and knees to beg for mercy. The creature jumped down, reaching its talons out. It didn't take long for the man's insides to become his outsides.

"Don't watch. We have to keep moving." I whispered to Allison.

"Where?" Allison whispered back.

I scanned the docks. "There." I said looking in the direction of a boat with two souls hung up on masts, their body's shredded to ribbons. "We're going as deep as we can.” Allison looked at me with fearful concern.

We approach the ship, blood and organ parts spilled out over the dock wood like fish guts on a working harbor. I slipped on the slim, landing hard on my back. A dock hand reached down and pulled me up before taking his time to look us over. "You don't belong here. Get the hell out!" It shouted, spit landing on our faces.

"Let us on." I said. The creature grasped it's cold clammy hand around my throat, squeezing until I coughed. It's face was scratched twenty times over, its pale skin covered in warts.

"Get the hell out!" It shouted.

"I have payment." The words choked from my lungs as I reached up and held the coin in the palm of my hand.

The creature snatched the coin and grabbed the back of my robe, lifting me like a rag doll and throwing me onto the ship. I landed heavily before looking up to see Allison being pushed forward, falling hard on the deck next to me.

Bile an inch thick covered the boat deck, the stench nauseating. Before I could stand up a sharp blow landed in my ribs. A wet muddy boot found its way into my chest. A drop of blood coughed out and landed on the other boot.

"You'll pay for that wretch." A fist pounded down, finding a home in the back of my head. I stayed down, motionless until the beating stopped and I was left in a soaked puddle of despair.

There's nothing Allison or Monika could do to help me. The creatures were in control of this boat. Their power in this dark realm was immense. Lucky for me, there were so many poor souls that the creatures couldn't keep up.

“Over here, hurry.” I grabbed Allison’s arm. We scurried into a dark corner away from the commotion. I lifted a worn tarp, beads of water flinging off. “Quick, get under.”

“Are we safe here?” Allison asked.

“Only if we're lucky.”

“I'm scared, Will.”

“We need to wait here, for as long as we can, until the ride is over.” I said,

Unfortunately for Allison, even in death, I never overcame my inclination towards sea sickness. Even though I had no stomach, the feelings were real and so was the projectile vomit that landed on Allison's lap. The only option, stay hidden under the vomit infested tarp.

Styx was no float down the Rivera. Violent waves crashed against the boat. Souls were thrown overboard into God knows what fate. Horrible sea creatures swam along the boat, waiting for the fallen. Allison clung tight, digging her fingernails in so hard that I had to pull her arm away for a second.

"Sorry Will."

"It's okay. Sorry for the vomit."

"It'll fall off." She said.

We waited under the tarp for what felt like ages before crashing hard into something solid, the jolt knocking Allison and I from our hiding place, rolling us forward into a group of cursed souls.

The world was black, the air thick and muddy. I hated it. Everything about this place of darkness repulsed me. You can never get used to the smell. A charnel house of odors thick as tar. My eye twitched with each inhale as we were herded off the boat like slaves in the new world.

I'll never get used to the feeling. The heaviness and exhaustion one feels upon entering the Kingdom of Hell. Each step forward took a titan's strength and a heart of impeccable faith. Severe depression will render the body catatonic. All hope drained. In a loveless land, the body feels like it's being held together by string and scotch tape.

“Woe to you wicked spirits! Enter the land of fire and ice … for all eternity!” Charon’s deep voice boomed from the captain's deck. A leather whip cracked from behind, stinging against my back as I was pushed forward, falling hard to the rocky shore.

I looked up from my hands and knees, into the masses that lined the banks, recognizing them immediately ... hunters.