A Bleak Future

I floated into earth's atmosphere, needing to escape the vice grip tightening down on me. Millersville appeared normal, well, as normal as the Devil's rendition of Sedona Arizona could ever be. Townsfolk went about their daily lives unaware of the true darkness surrounding them. A black mass of wicked spirits hovered over one person in particular, drawn like a magnet to an elderly man. I kept my distance, spying on the actions of evil, and the distraught old man. I saw nothing unusual, no reason for so many cursed spirits to be attracted to this one soul.

His routine was the same day after day, waking up at six o'clock each morning, preparing one egg, one piece of wheat toast, and one cup of black coffee. After breakfast he'd walk from his house to the post office which was three blocks away. Each day he'd check his mailbox. He received no paper and most days it was empty except for a few flyers which he'd throw away before walking back.

When he'd arrive at home he'd sit in an old worn recliner chair, doing nothing but staring blankly at the bare wall in front of him. At preciously noon, he'd get up from his chair and make lunch. One egg, one piece of toast, one cup of black coffee. After lunch at preciously one o'clock he'd walk out to his front porch and sit on an old wooden swing to stare expressionless out into the street.

People passed by but no one said a word or looked in his direction. The afternoons would crawl, fading into evenings. At preciously five o'clock the man would get up and go inside for dinner. Each night he'd make one egg, one piece of toast, and drink one cup of coffee, black. After dinner, he'd move back to his old worn recliner to sit until bedtime. At preciously ten o'clock the man would get up from his recliner, brush his teeth, wash his face, and go to bed.

Each night, wicked spirits danced around his room, laughing and squealing with delight. They'd call out to him, heckling and disturbing his sleep.

I hid between the sheetrock one night to get a closer view. The old man tossed and turned, "please leave me alone, you got what you wanted," begging until first light.

"You're right, we got what we wanted when you surrendered and we enslaved your will." The spirits whispered.

"Why won't you leave me alone?"

"You never made a choice."

"I won't choose.”

"No choice is still a choice, is it not? By turning your back you sealed your tomb, not in dirt or stone, but behind these empty walls." The decrepit spirits cackled and harassed the old man.

“There's no point in choice. Free will doesn't exist … only fate!" The man lashed out.

“Without choice there's ignorance. That's what you're a blind, ignorant old man. You belong to us forever … William Stark."

***

They say dreams are gateways into the soul, revealing insights into reality. Was the old man me? Or some grim future version of me? The vision disturbed me, haunting my core. The dark spirits haunted the man for not making a choice. More disturbing than the dark spirits was abandonment, living a cursed life. The old man, distraught with guilt for sitting on the sidelines, tormented by sins of omission, unable to move on. I couldn't do it any longer, let evil slowly steal my light and hold me prisoner.

John said the decision was mine. I needed to stop looking outside myself for the answers I sought. I needed Monika. I needed Allison. I needed them both.

“You were right about me, about my need to rescue Justin from his grim fate. I can't explain it. I don't get it, after all he’s put us through. All I know is that you're right about me, Monika ... how we gonna do this?" I stood in the entryway of the sanctuary room gardens in the city of light.

"We're going to use the back door." Monika was sitting alone at a desk.

"The back door?"

"You already knocked on it." Monika said.

"What are you talking about?"

"The river."

"Oh no, you're joking right? The freak at the river, no way. He’s pissed. He'll rip my head off. I ran off without paying him."

"He won't even remember you, besides this time we'll make sure you pay Charon."

"Nope, not happening." I said.

"You got a better idea?" Monika asked.

“Look, if you're putting yourself on the line, I have to be truthful. Justin isn't the only soul in hell I'm after, there's one more.”

“Judas.” Monika responded.

“What? How'd you know?”

“John came to me, Will. He told me of your mission to free Judas’ trapped soul, how we can catch a ride to the City of Dis. Will, he also told me to make sure you leave Justin alone.”

“John told me this Judas thing was a top secret mission. Seems like the whole realm knows.”

“I think you have Allison to thank for that, Will. I haven't said a word.”

“Did John say why he told you?” I asked.

“He cares deeply about you, Will. Of that there's no doubt. I think he wanted me to go with you all along, but he said it had to be your choice, he couldn't force it.”

“Why not Justin?” I asked.

“John said it would be too much too soon, that there's another time and place for Justin, and now wasn't that time.”

“How does Allison know? Did he bring her in too?”

“I don't think so. That wouldn't make sense.” Monika looked away.

“Give Allison a little credit, Monika. She did survive her time in the pit. She's tougher than you might think. Maybe she’s the added muscle we’ll need.”

“No.” Monika was blunt.

"Well, Judas is locked in hell. It's not like I can just waltz in and say 'hey, I'm taking him with me. Can you please show me the exit?'"

"No." Monika wasn't joking.

I sat on bench across from Monika, searching my mind for another way. "Allison's coming with us. Look, I need her. Besides, I had a vision, a nightmare really, scared the daylights outta me. I was alone, in hell … at least my own personal version of it."

"Will, no. She's not stable. She'll be pulled down. If you're not careful she’ll pull you down with her." Monika said.

"I'm coming." Allison's voice sounded from the rose bush outside the window of the sanctuary. I glanced towards Monika, her eyes wide open.

"Were you spying on us?" Monika asked.

"Save it." Allison snapped, entering the sanctuary. “I come to these gardens all the time. Can't help it you left the window open.” Allison turned to me. "You're right, Will. You need help. Someone who has hands and feet, who can watch your back, someone who isn't a ghost." Allison's eyes met Monika with a coldness that caused me to look away.

I looked at Monika. "She has a point. I could use a physical presence when I'm in hell."

"Absolutely not, I forbid it." Monika asserted, choking back disgust.

"Excuse me? You forbid it? It's not your call!" Allison took a step toward Monika.

"I'm not trying to be difficult. It's for your own good, for your safety." Monika said.

"Thanks, but I don't need you to keep me safe. I can take care of myself." Allison said.

“What's with you two anyway? We're supposed to be on the same team. Everyone take a step back. We'll figure this out.” I said, playing peacemaker. “Look, I spoke to John, he said it was my decision.”

"That’s right. The choice is William's." John materialized in front of our eyes. "The mission is his. Free will choice must be honored."

"John, you startled us." I said.

"I sensed trouble in your heart. I couldn't let you enter hell in a state of confusion."

"But don't you think it's dangerous?" Monika asked.

"Indeed, very much. Allison, your decision to enter hell by William's side is more dangerous than you know." John spoke.

"I'm aware, I've been there too." Allison said.

"Shouldn't you stop her?" Monika directed the question towards John.

"Following William is extremely dangerous for both of you, for us all, but we must allow choice to enter in. Free will choice must always be held in the highest regard, even if we don't agree with it. God created free will for a reason. To choose freely is a great and powerful gift. God never violates his law. He may not always agree but he allows choice.”

"I think it's crazy." Monika said. “What if the choice is wrong? What if the choice leads to dire consequences, death even?”

"My brothers and I were told the same thing once upon a time. The thing is, people were right. You're right Monika. Look at what happened, all were killed, except me. I was the lucky one they say, to have been tortured numerous times but to have always escaped with my life." John said.

"How did you escape, anyway?" Monika asked. "It's written that all of the other disciples were in hiding, except you who followed all the way to the cross. How is it that you weren't killed?"

We all looked at John. Monika raised a good question.

"By all accounts I should've been killed. I was saved by grace. The Holy Spirit moved in the captain of the Roman soldiers that day on the hill. He was ordered to carry out the crucifixion but admired my loyalty to the Son. He ordered his men to let me go free, saying loyalty such as mine should not be punished. That's how I escaped."

"Listen, the point is it was dangerous for my brother and I and all who were eventually to become the founders of the church, but what if we hadn't followed?"

John turned to me. "The decision is yours, William. Know that although I cannot follow, I'll be guiding, my prayers will not cease until you are returned home, all of you." John vanished as quickly as he appeared, returning to the Kingdom of God.

John's message was clear. Monika understood even though she didn't like it. There was no stopping Allison. She was convinced she needed to follow. Deep down I was glad ... very glad.

I looked at Monika and Allison. "I need you both. I see that now. I'm scared. I've seen things, in my dreams and visions, horrible things. I never want to be alone. I'm scared." My last comment was directed at Monika.

"You're not alone, you have me." Monika said.

"I know, but with Allison I have a second pair of eyes, ears, and hands. Your high level of spiritual development barely allows you to be a ghost in the realms of darkness. Monika, this is a good thing. Allison and I aren't there yet, maybe this will be good for both of us, help us both to grow spiritually."

“I just don't want to see you get pulled down, Will. I care about you too much.” Monika’s blue eyes filled with tears before she turned and left.

I turned to Allison, "are you sure?”

“I am, Will. Look, I've made some poor choices in my life that I'm truly sorry for. I want to make things right, right within my soul. I need this, Will. I need to help you.”

“Thank you, Allison. That means a lot. I don't need to warn you of the dangers of hell."

"No Will, I know what I'm doing. I hate to say it, but do you think we can trust Monika?" Allison whispered.

"You don't need to worry about her." I said.

"I know she's more spiritually developed than we are, but she's not perfect, not like John." Allison said.

"Monika's dedicated to her development and to the holy work of rescuing lost souls. We can trust her. Believe me, we can trust her."

"I trust you, Will." Allison turned and left.

"Be ready. I'll call soon, pray."

***

I returned to my room to rest and prepare. A million thoughts about what lay ahead bombarded my mind. Every negative doubt seemed to fling itself, catapulting into my mental field. No rest.

I propped my back against the corner wall. Like a prizefighter, I raised my hood and shut the world out. A tension rose from my spine to the top of my head. I saw myself trapped, evil bearing down from all sides. I saw tension and turmoil within the group, within my soul. A resurrectionist must remain balanced at all times, one slip of the mind can send him down a path he won't recover from.

John warned me about Judas, I studied his case file. He was a resurrectionist in the making. Only two years older than me when he committed that fateful act. One bad choice. One slip is all it took, two thousand years later he still hasn't recovered. His choice didn't come from evil intentions as some people might think. He knew the Son of God held tremendous power. His fault was allowing himself to grow frustrated. The Son didn't flash his power to the high priests and Roman authorities like Judas thought he should've, choosing instead to remain humble, exercising his gifts only when necessary and only when a greater purpose could be served.

Judas felt that by giving the Son up, he'd be forced to show his power to the world to save himself. The Son chose an alternative path, facing death with love and compassion, showing the world that death can be overcome and thus becoming the greatest figure to ever walk the earth.

Though I cannot confirm this, it is said in the higher realms of light that the Son forgave Judas as soon as he kissed him. Judas hasn't forgiven himself. That's what we're up against, that's our mission, teach Judas to forgive himself.

I met Monika in the garden after my preparation. She wore a dark robe with a hood that covered most of her face.

"You ready?" She asked.

“My stomach hurts and my hands shake.” The words were hard to speak, my breath shallow and forced.

“Mine too, Will. Mine too.” Monika whispered.

“I don't feel ready at all, Monika. John seems to think so, he seems confident anyway.”

“I trust him, Will. He knows what he's doing. He knows better than we do. He wouldn't give you this great of a task if he didn't think you were right for the job.”

“Thanks Monika. That's helpful. I just need to believe in myself for once. Where is John anyway? I figured he’d meet us here.”

“I don't know, Will. Maybe he thought it best not to let us get emotional with teary goodbye's.”

“Hmm … maybe.” I said, feeling abandonment.

“Here you'll need this." Monika handed me a tattered gray robe.

"Gee thanks," I said.

"You'll need to fit in, look the part. Here, I brought one for her too." Monika handed me the same style robe for Allison.

"Thank you," I said.

"She coming? Or did she get cold feet?"

"She's here." I said turning around to see Allison approaching from behind. I handed her the robe. Allison put it on without saying a word. She knelt down next to a rose bush, pausing to inhale, the last scent of sweetness she’d have for a very long time.

"Well, I guess the time for small talk is passed." I looked at both women and took a deep breath, bowing my head in silent prayer before emerging. "Let's get this over with."