Silence.

“The question is, will you be? ” Umnia asks, narrowing her eyes. A lump rises in my throat, she's indeed right. I am nowhere near my territory, this is hers, not mine, and all the people that surround us are with her. I sink, a wave of fear washes over me.

I bite my lip, and muttered, “I... ”

“You don't know, we all don't. We're all fair and square in here, we will never know if we're alright or not. Abaddon isn't a place of being alright, Abaddon is a place for death and pain. ” Umnia says sharply, my ears perked. She was right, we're all living n a life that wants us all dead. I should be ashamed of myself, I should've known.

“Umi, that's enough. ” the mistress jumps in, cold gaze bearing down on us. Empty, just like the void in Umnia's eyes and the void in my mind. One that reminds me of the past that I've long tried to run away from. A void that kept on pulling me back into circles and it seems to be, I will never have the chance to avoid.

“...” Nonetheless, Umnia coldly nods before keeping her distance once again. Say something! Why are you just staring at nothing? “Now then, enough of this circling up. We all had a long day, plus we need to be awake before the sun rises tomorrow. ” the co-mistress announces gaze shifts to everyone, though she stares at me longer than anyone with a much heavier intensity.

I'm a mess and I just knew it. Maybe, I was stupid enough to approach Umnia in all friendliness when in fact she had given me nothing but cold gazes in the first place. I've stepped over her territory and even pushed her right beyond the boundary. I cautiously look around, before stumbling into the co-mistress neverending gaze. I hold into it for a bit, before she let go's with nothing but what seems to be disappointment in her eyes.

If there's someone she's disappointed unto, it's probably me. Great. “Umnia's been like that ever since, there's nothing to worry about. Not even the mistress or the co-mistress, just continue living as yourself. ” Kibou says, holding onto my slumped shoulders. My heart leaps upon hearing her words, but there's still the fang that says You're too ahead of yourself. And it hinders my will to just let things go at least. “I can't, I'm not used to letting go of things easily. ” I answer, I let a long sigh go “I just can't. ”

Kibou steps forward, facing me as she looks up “If you say so, then continue saying: I can't, until you can finally say: I can. ” she hugs me “Just take your time, we got you. ” then she let go, giving me her precious smile.

Maybe, she's right. I can do it, maybe not now but still, time will come and I'll finally say that I can, with no doubt at all. I just know that I will, even though it's uncertain I will still believe that one day I will. With the help of them, her, one day I'll be able to.

-

“The mistress had been looking for you. ” Umnia says, blankly, as she continues on her duty. “And she wants you to know that you shouldn't worry about what happened. ” she stops as if waiting for me to react. I look at her, and she continues once again.

“I'm sorry, for stepping over your boundaries. ” I sigh, not knowing what to do. She stops for a while, looks at me, and nods before turning back to whatever her duty is.

I then continue on my journey to the mistress, At least now I know how hard it'll be for the members to fully open up. Sigh.

Standing in front of the humongous red door with the Dragon's mark on its handles, I stood frozen.

How can I face them?

“krrrr” the door creeks open, and as much as I crave on stepping inside the Dragon's den... I can't. As if something was holding me to stood frozen, just like that day. Deep breaths, I build up my courage and as I walk with fear within me “No one's going to hurt you. ” a voice whispers, and somehow I knew who it was. I miss you.

“You're here. ” the co-mistress greets, draping the long red cape of the mistress into the mistress' shoulders.

I immediately straighten my back and politely stood in front of them silently.

“I don't think it's nice to just stand there quietly, without greeting my wife back. ” the mistress says, as the chills run down through my body. Immediately, I bow down “My apologies, but I'm just not used to all the attention.”I lied.

Of course, that's not true-but G'neration is built differently. Unlike the places I've been into as a Don or even when I was younger. I'm used to the none passionate greetings I get as a Don who holds down into Blake, though I do exceed but not as much. And I also knew that “We both knew that that's a lie, you're tied with the son of someone who's in a high rank in your Don life. I doubt that no one pays attention to you. ”the mistress utter, the uncanny resemblance of her expression with Umnia keeps reminding me on why I'm possibly standing in front of them. And once again I messed up, and why did I even lie? I, myself don't have an answer.

“I-I'm sorry. ”

“What for? You were under the impression of us being mad. Your mind was building up scenarios that'll never happen, and in the end with all the pressure you've received through your own vision's... you ended up not knowing the right answers. ” she says, the co-mistress then whispers something, and she smiled but it did not last long but it was a beautiful picture that'll last in my mind for long like a masterpiece by an underrated artist. It was beautiful.

“Aletheia never asked for your greetings, but it is a common rule here in G'neration to acknowledged someone's greeting-except if it's our daughter. ” she sighs, as her eyes softly trail down on something behind me. “She's no exception to the rules, but when it comes down to something like this... we, the members somehow get used to being ignored by her. None kept hard feelings, but it still breaks me knowing how her life turns three-hundred sixty degrees. ” she continues, her eyes still staring.

If I look back-What greatness will I receive? And if I start to ask questions, will I even receive the answers I might long for? It's in between Yes and No. And I don't want to take the risk of breaking in into someone's border once again, I've had my lesson for today and I don't want to ask for more.

-

“You know how much of a coward are you, don't you? ” she smiles, cupping her warm hands into my numbing cheeks.

“Yes. ” I answer, she then let go and hug me tight. “With me, you never have to fear. ”

Cold air-out of breath, where am I? All I know is I've been running into circles, and I'm losing where I've come from or what I am running for-was it something that I fear of or was it something that I---

“Minette, wake up. ” my eyes jab open, as the touch of someone's warmth spread around my face. I'm cold. “Here, drink this. Your body temperature is alarming.” I look up, Vera and Kibou stood in front of me. Bou hands me a hot drink, which I shakily tried to take. Thankfully--Vera was alarmed.

What had happened? All I can remember was--I was in the past. With her. Then there's none after that, not even---wait a minute, I was with the mistress and she was talking about her daughter or some sort of like that. “Pardon, but--who brought me here? ” I ask, Vera snickers “Umnia did, she was all sweaty and in a hurry, cause you were dead cold and not responding after you suddenly collapsed. ” Kibou answers, nudging Vera to keep her composure.

In which she did, like a soft puppy.

As far as I know, G'neration values seniority. With Vera being soft like a ball in front of Kibou's orders make things wander. Was it okay for her to act like that or is she only doing that because it just us in the room?

Vera--from what I've been told and from what the stories of the other members had implied, was one of the Seniors. She was the second person after Asha who had come and seek for the mistress--Lady Erós. Years later, Bou comes into the picture, which was a surprise as those who are part of the first G'neration are losing their faith already as no one was taking the risk except two people, which was Vera and Asha. Umnia on the other hand was out of the picture and I've never heard of none says where or when she arrived in G'neration.

“Over analyzing the situation will not help you recover. Vera is indeed a Senior, but I'm in the same position as her. We're both parts of the foundation, and if it weren't for my persuasive skills then G'neration would've vanished into the thin air--especially, because of Vera. ” Kibou utter, as I listen to their banters confused. “I just told you, and you're still doing it. Guess, it'll be hard to take from you. ” Kibou comments, stopping the banters with Vera “I'm not saying you thinking is a bad thing, what I'm trying to say is you can calm down. We're here for you, and your skills will come in handy one day but for now, take your time to get to know all of us without hesitations... without being tied up in your invisible chain of thoughts. ” Kibou continues.

She has her points, and I'm not against it at all. In fact, it opens a different path for my unstoppable mind. Maybe--no, I should really push through on getting to know each with no doubts. In that way, soon, I'll find a way to Umnia's mind and heart. And soon, I might have all the answers to all my unknown never-ending questions of What if.

-

“Umnia was called from the dining, saying it was an emergency. Upon hearing the emergency, she told us to be alert to our surroundings and even assigned Vera with me--here in the medical room. We were all trained here, in case we get assigned to be somewhere around the vicinity of G'neration during the or an emergency. She was then seen running through the long halls from the Dragon's den to here with you in her arms and with the mistresses following her in disbelief. ” Kibou says, she sighs, “The co-mistress said that you suddenly started shaking violently with no words coming from you even though your lips were moving, and then it stopped they thought it'll be fine by then... but you're still not moving and your eyes--” she stopped. Fear evident in her, what had happened?

Green and black, that's what is wrong with my eyes. I always knew that none hated that fact, except me. It causes pain not in a way that it makes me uncomfortable throughout the day but it causes pain through all the memories it had seen and kept. But after all of that, I have never seen someone stare at me like I'm an unidentified species of some sort. It's humiliating, it wrecks me inside. Knowing that Bou fears me right now because my eyes did something unknown to them and even to me.

“What?! What did my eyes did--please, I beg you tell me! ” I bawl out crying. Reasons, if there's one in a thousand--I don't know mine, I don't know the reason why I am hating on the unknown reason Bou might tell me. I don't know, why I tried to give Bou all the blame when she doesn't know why. Why am I like this?

I look away--after all, I knew I've violated Bou's line. I started to build this unknown light of fire inside me ignites and I've spitted it all out into her as if she's someone without a purpose. I was wrong, and wrong will never be corrected by doing another wrong. I don't want to tolerate how incompetent my patience is, how weak I am on the inside despite the strong facade I continue to try on building, I am worse than an unidentified species who at least know who they are despite the least knowledge the places that surround them knew. “You're not just someone who lacks the attention on what surrounds you, but you're also someone who doesn't care for those that surround you. ” Umnia says coming from behind, I lower my head. Maybe, she was indeed right. I am selfish because if I am not then, maybe, she's still alive.

Some say you can never run from the past. No matter how much you tried to forget it, no matter what. At some point, I did think that those people who believe in that saying were wrong. That if you tried to run faster than anyone else, then maybe, you could.

But now, I am still the one who's proven wrong. That in order to hide from the past that keeps on haunting me, I put all the blame and reasoning to the first defect that I've seen in me--my eyes.

“Umnia, that's uncalled for! ” Kibou screamed at Umnia's words, but opposite to what she had done, her right hand was gently squeezing mine. As if, it was her way of telling me that she's alright and that we're alright.

“If there's someone that is uncalled for, it's her Bou. Not you, me, or, anyone else, just her. ” Umnia says, dead stares locking with Kibou's. None were backing down, not even when the mistress arrived to stop the commotion they've been doing. Everything went into a deafening silence by the time they've started to get into each others' breath, after that, I've heard nothing. But one thing is for sure, the look on their faces when the mistress arrived means nothing but trouble for all of us.

And I never despise silence so much.

G'neration;