Linguistics

I wake up in the middle of the night. Sweat beeds condensing on my forehead, my heart still frantically beating in the aftershock. That's the most exhausting part; how an exact event, not a single detail altered, can horrify and paralyse you like nothing you've ever witnessed before.

I sink my head onto the pillow and wait lazily for the sleep to crawl back in. The next time I wake up, its morning. The sharp daylight is pouring into the congested room past the creamy curtains. I wait for the same old Tuesday with classes and extra classes, coffees and books to settle before getting out of bed.

I am one of those few college girls who has everything routined up. Even the few parties I go to, upon the insistence of my friends, I add them in my schedules a week ahead. So eventually nothing about my little life seems out of sorts anymore.

I was making breakfast when Susan joins me downstairs. "Good morning beautiful," she greets although she is the one who is looking really beautiful.

"Morning! It's lovely to see that someone doesn't need me to drag them off their bed for a change."

" I kept Courtney propped up on the bed while I left but I bet she is back to her god awful snorings. How do you manage to keep up with them?" she playfully snorts while grabbing a blueberry muffin from the table.

"Well I make them delicious food don't I?" I wink at her.

"Speaking of which, did you make enough of these muffins? I might take some home with me. Ethan loves these."

"Oh I have tons."

***

"How about this one?" I hand Susan one of my mini skirts hopefully. She squeezes all the organs on her face to make a disagreeing face.

"Too long," she mutters with a pout. Susan forgot her sleep over bag and she doesn't fit into Courtney's clothing.

And unfortunately for all of us, that was the shortest dress I had.

After an eternity of intense diggings Susan finally finds something manageable. It's a netted tights and a old sleeveless shirt that doesn't fit me anymore.

"It's still so loose!" Susan complains while eyeing herself consciously through the mirror, "Why does this always happen to me? I wanted to look good today."

"Why?" I ask with a frustrated sigh. Courtney glances at Susan for an answer too. That's when I realise it's not like her to whine about some casual Tuesday clothes.

"Because," She pauses for a while, contemplating with a little guilt I think, "I wanted to look better than Miley today. I mean yeah, I know she is a lot more beautiful and hot and I wouldn't look close enough even if I look my best. But, I just wanted to look good for Ethan, you know? So he would notice me over Miley."

A short silence blankets the room before Courtney walks herself to us and embraces Susan in a bear hug. "Girl you are the one of the most beautiful person I have seen okay? And don't you dare think low of yourself for that pretentious bitch. Did you even see how she talks? She literally makes a lip porn to get attention, doesn't matter what shit she is saying." We all end up laughing atCourtney's remarks. Miley does has some issues with her lips when she talks always licking and biting too much than is absolutely necessary.

"But girls that's not really the point here," I interrupt. " Susan if you think that Ethan loves you just because you are beautiful then this shouldn't go on in the first place. You need to believe that he loves the person you are inside. He has seen your most beautiful and ugliest phases anyway. And as far as looking better than Miley is concerned, she can never be what you are. She can't be as natural as you."

I watch Susan's face gradually changes into a zealous glow, "You girls could just say the words and I'd believe I can fly a plane right now!"

"How about making your boyfriend please you in bed for starters?" Courtney teases. Susan sticks her tongue out in defense. I have figured out that's what she does whenever she is out of counter logics.

***

The first thing we notice at campus is a breath-takingly glossy car parked beside our space.

"Holy fucking cow!" Courtney gasps, "what the heck is this car?"

"A Volvo S90," I inform. I am not really a car fanatic but I like them enough to know most models. I used to dream of owning some a long time ago.

"I don't think anyone would notice if we just steal it. The owner would probably just buy another one tomorrow," Courtney suggests a little too seriously while still swallowing the metal body with her eyes.

"Yeah but if we don't get to class now Mrs. Hudson will probably notice," I roll my eyes at Courtney and start walking away. Susan seems unfazed by the whole thing if not a little distracted. I watch her slowly regain her sense of surroundings as we approach our usual spot beside the cafeteria.

Mark, Robert and Miley are waiting for us. "Hey beautifuls" Robert greets us with his handsome full-teeth smile on display.

"Grammatically incorrect," I remark.

"Where's Ethan?" Susan asks before anyone else could say anything.

"He's--" Mark starts to say something when Miley cuts him off, "Running I guess?"

"What?" Susan asks in confusion.

"I mean he seems like the 'terrified of my girlfriend' type to me" Miley explains further with an innocent shrug.

"Or, maybe he is just trying to save himself from some man eating slut he met recently," we hear Bella's voice filled with obvious humor as she walks toward us.

"Excuse me?" Miley ask all defensive.

"Hey! hey! girls! Get a grip on yourselves he's just skipping today," Robert steps in, moving his hands up and down as if to cool us down.

"Why?" Susan asks with a shrill tone of annoyance, her face seems grave now.

"Because skipping is healthy," Robert emphasizes. No-one says anything after that. Even smart mouth Miley doesn't make any snorty remarks. Susan once again seems oblivious to her surroundings. I vaguely wonder if I am always like that, detached and grave.

We all walk to different classes after that. I watch Susan switch off her phone. Mark and I are headed for the same class; linguistics.

"So, what are your plans today?" Mark tries to make conversation while we take our usual seats.

"Nothing that concerns you."

"I'm guessing not my home then?" He tries my make a hedious puppy face. I don't complain since he's at least trying to be light about it.

"No, sorry! Not today. I really have to go to the library." I am not lying, I really do.

"Shit!" He groans. "I can't even follow you there, the place suffocates me. Why don't you just take your books, go home and read them later?" Mark barely ever goes to the library. It apparently makes him 'claustrophobic'.

For me, on the contrary, it is one of the few places I find peaceful enough to self evaluate. To see people drenched in worlds that are not theirs to begin with, feeling emotions and stories they'll never be a part of, is a wonderful phenomenon for me to just look at. "Because I love to read them in the library where they belong. The place just helps me calm my nerves and you know that." Mark rolls his eyes in reply.

"Meyer misses you," he mutters when I think we're done with that topic.

I sigh, "I miss him too." Meyer is Mark's little brother I really do miss him. He is a part I actually look forward to when visiting Emma. But like everything else, he's not enough to risk Emma bringing up that night again. I quickly derail my thoughts from the track it's headed.

We were opening our notebooks after that when Miley walks into the classroom and sits beside me. It's odd given the fact that the seat beside Mark is also empty. For some reason I just assumed she'd sit beside him and not me.

"Hi Eileen! "

I reflexively thought she was talking to Mark but then I recognised my own name.

"Hi!" I greet her back with a warm smile. And from what it looks like, she seems a little surprised by my sincerity.

"So, are you coming tomorrow or what?" I am again confused if she is talking to me. This time it's the question that doesn't really settle in.

"Coming where?"

"At the party, at my place? It's going to be great, you should totally come," Miley explains and I am shocked that she actually means what she's saying. Maybe we judged her way too quickly afterall.

"Umm.. I'm not really sure. It would have been nice if I knew about it a few days early. So I could...umm, adjust my routines you know?" I'm impressed when she doesn't break out laughing as I explain my control freak behaviours?

"It's okay," She says, making a weird face instead. "We can always postpone it. I'm sure no-one else will have any problem with the timings." At least she is trying to be nice. But I am not really comfortable with someone changing their plans for me either. It makes me feel too involved and bound.

"You know what, you don't need to do that. I will just drop by," I tell her hesitantly.

"Good!" She says with a triumphant face and simply looks away. I turn my other side to catch Mark staring at me with widened eyes. His black irish are always so peaceful to look at, I get lost for a second.

"What?" I ask him when he continues to stare like that.

"Nothing," he shrugs, still watching me like a hawk.

"Oh just spill it out, Jenson." I groan. That's when I feel Miley eavesdrop while trying really hard not to look at us in the process. Mark notices too and scoots closer.

"Why on earth is she trying to evesdrop? That is extremely creepy and way too obvious."

Mark whispers and I smile trying to suppressing a giggle.

"It was your idea to give her company, remember? And you are changing the topic," I raise a judgmental eyebrow.

"It's nothing really, I have just never seen you change your already made plans for anything before," I realise he is right. This is the first time I have agreed to any sudden event.

"I didn't want to turn her down and make her hate me even more."

"If it makes you feel any better she is just jealous of you. But since when do you care what people think?"

I laugh ignoring his accusation. Everyone in our hearing range stops to spare us little glances and Miley stiffens beside me. Did she hear that? Oh, no! There goes my ' Don't hate me' mission. I don't care what people think. I just don't want to fill it with hatred on purpose.

"You are insanely unobservant!" I tell Mark. Doesn't he see that Miley and I are just incomparable? And that's fine because I don't feel the need to compare the two of us either.

"Whereas I like to think I’m exceptionally observant. That's the only explanation El. Don't you see how she studies you from head to toe every five minutes?" He whispers out the last part of his sentence.

"I'm positive you're blind," I shake my head.

His face goes serious and gloom before he says, "I wish you could see youself through my eyes. Hell anyone's actually."

I clear my throat, unsure of what else to do. "That's really flattering," I manage.

Thankfully Mrs. Hudson starts the class soon after. It's about how greek scratch arts inspired the most modern form of language. How every letter in the ancient languages that are derived from cave drawings have hidden arts in them. Soon I am lost in my own world of thoughts, I take Mrs. Hudson along with me. Surprisingly Miley participates in the class. I didn't expect her to be all that participatory. Which is weird since usually I don't expect anything at all.