Closing Weaknesses

"I heard you came by last night," Miley rhapsodizes. She's the only one from my group of acquaintances who hasn't skipped classes today. She looks beautiful and fresh in a denim dress like she didn't just dance off the entire last night.

"Yeah! Last night was great. You have an amazing house."

"Yeah I wish it was mine too," she mutters with a dramatic puff and I remember Aeson telling me it was her brother's.

Classes were a drag. I couldn't focus on most of the lectures. Instead I find myself remembering and overthinking random lines from novels I've loved and fantasized all my life.

Love cannot be found where it doesn't exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.

Thoughts are but dreams till their effects be tried.

You pierce my soul. I'm half agony, half hope...

The words fill my thoughts the entire time I wait impatiently for the hours to pass.

Miley sits beside me during lunch and attempts at prattle. I don't understand her unanticipated friendliness but it's not that bad. I find myself actually interacting.

"I was curious, is there something between you and Mark?" She asks me at a point in our conversation.

Naturally, I would have laughed. But it reminds me of last night and the gigantic apology I'm yet to make to him.

"He is my best friend for as long as I can remember but that's all," I explain for the millionth time.

"I guessed so but everyone kept saying that you two were together. I just wanted to make sure if I really lost my insight on people," she says with an odd relief on her face.

"You must be very good at it." I'm used to everyone assuming Mark and I are more than friends. I wonder what made her guess otherwise.

"You'd think it's a really useful skill but it's just annoying. Makes me look like a nosy bitch all the time." We both softly laugh at that.

I feel this weird urge to ask her about Aeson and make her spit out every fact she knows about him. But I'm still sane enough to see the insanity of the idea.

...

Finally with the slowest ticks of time, the hours come to an end and I'm walking towards the car lot. Thoughts that I didn't encounter the whole day, pops like overheated corns on my way to the parking area. What if he doesn't show up? What if he thought this was too much work and changed his mind about me?

Before my obnoxious thoughts could border anxiety, I spot him leaning against the car and talking over the phone. It's as if the sun has dropped a spotlight on him amidst this horde of casual looking humans.

Relief and a helpless sort of nervousness twiddle my stomach. Every pair of eyes in the radius is pausing to gawk at him and I am no exception to that. He is negligent of the attention he's drawing and seems consumed by the conversation on the phone.

As if my stare radiates a physical energy, he sees me and reflexively straightens his spine. We make our way towards each other, ignoring the heat of a few curious eyes around us.

"And we meet again," he says with that signature smile. He looks and smells better than I remember from this morning.

"And for once I come prepared."

We walk back towards the car. I want to ask him why he's still using Miley's car but discard it, weighing it as an uncomfortable quarter.

He holds open the car door for me while I get in with a smile too wide it hurts my jaw.

"So any progress?" He asks while we drive out of the campus.

"With what?"

"Playing dumb is not your best forte ma'am," he smiles with eyes locked on the road. Somehow, that is a hell lot more sensual.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I try my best to sound innocent but my voice comes out all silly.

I know he's talking about the date but whenever I think about it, my mind just blanks. I'm beginning to think it's impossible for me to turn him down on this.

"Why are you trying so hard Aeson? And don't tell me it's because of a lack of approach from girls because I sure as hell won't believe that," I word out my thoughts before I could manage to hold them back.

"I wish I knew the answer Eileen," he speaks after a long halt. It is somewhat frustrating when he makes these dramatic pauses.

He turns to look at me. "But I want you to know that I like you," he confesses. My throat closes up in response.

"Aeson." I mutter his name, not sure how to phrase what I must say.

"Yes?"

"I'm not the girl you are looking for," I look away.

"And how do you know that?"

"I just do."

"I'm afraid that won't suffice as an explanation."

I sigh and look down on my lap "I know me. And I know that it is not something you'd ever want."

I feel his brooding eyes on me even without having to look up. "You see that's the problem baby. I wasn't looking for anyone to begin with. But you, you are making me want to change everything that's already decided." He frowns ever so slightly, inducing a desire in me to lean in and smooth out those lines.

"Isn't it better to stick to the plan then? I mean I'm sure whatever is decided it's that way for a reason right?" I have no clue of what he meant but I play along with the vagueness.

He spares me another quick glance. "Because you're making me question that very reason. Because for the first time something feels so right." His voice is so rasp and soft, it's hard to not believe every word that came out of his mouth.

His eyes are a blazing shade of gray. He has no idea how relatable he sounds to me right now. Everything about this whole thing is red sirens and stop signs for me but that doesn't change the fact that it feels so awfully right.

"So you're suggesting we ignore everything that we are used to, just to give a shot to something we don't have any idea about?"

"No, I am saying that for once we should ignore what's binding us, to give a shot to something that might free us." I let out a soft gasp. Maybe I needed to hear the words spoken out loud to admit it's exactly what I want.

Hoping never felt like an option before but I know that's what I've doing since the day I met him. What I'm expecting will happen? I don't know. But I look up at the man sitting beside me and it's not just the salient beauty that spikes my heartbeats, it's the crazy desire to know the person. I want to know him, inside out. No matter what that might reveal, I want to have the chance to see.

"Just think about it Eileen that's all I'm asking. I will never bother you again if you think you don't want to have to do anything with me," I've come to realize his accent thickens whenever he's stressed or struggling to put his feelings into words for me.

However, the thought of never seeing him again feels ironically alien. Those hazel gray eyes never staring at mine again, that seems like fiction that is not supposed to be a reality.

"I will think about it," I assure him with the truth. I know I'm inching towards letting him in but I don't think I object that much anymore.

"That's reassuring," he says with a smile and smoothly stops the car infront of my house.

"Would you like to come inside?" I ask him nervously.

"I'm afraid that might turn out to be a date," he smiles and I chuckle.

"God forbid." With that I turn towards the door.

"Eileen?" He asks hesitantly.

"Yeah?" I turn back around.

"Would you mind if I offer you a ride tomorrow?"

"But I don't need it. Robert will bring back my car by today."

"No I know that. I was wondering if you would let me drive you anyway?" His accent is a divulgence of his nervousness and I'm glad I'm not the only one.

"Okay!" I mutter before I could overthink. I do want that. Ridiculous as it is, it's the simple truth and I'm starting to admit it. His returning smile erases any second thought I could possibly have.

"Thank you," he says bringing his fingers to my cheek again. I close my eyes this time ready to feel that beautiful jolt of happy electricity. When I open them, my breath hitches.

His face is inches away from mine. I don't know when on earth but I've leaned forward towards him as well.

He caresses my cheekbone and stops at my chin, slightly tilting it up. I can feel his warm breath on my face and that heavenly smell.

He brings his face closer and a strange bittersweet feeling twists my stomach. I don't know if I can handle this, if my body will suppress it's revolting reaction. But at this very moment, I'm willing to try it all. I close my eyes and wait for his lips to touch mine.

A ring tone breaks the beautiful silence instead. I open my eyes to see a mirror of my disappointment on Aeson's face. He leans away and pulls out the phone from his pocket. I mentally curse the timing but a part of me is grateful it happened.

"I'm sorry!" He apologises and disconnects the ringing call.

"No it's fine! I should probably head inside anyway," I recover myself and my bruised self control.

He lets out a deep breath. "Yeah," his voice is back to all smooth and controlled and I know that side of him seconds ago, is now back into hiding.

"See you tomorrow?" I ask while opening the door, suddenly unsure.

The irritation and confusion on his face is immediately replaced by a wonder filled smile, "I will be here. Have a good day Eileen."

I can't help the awkward grin on my face while walking upto my front door. This time I carefully hear him pull out of my yard. It all feels so surreal but also the realest thing I've experienced. I know that one more slip and I'll be irreparable for good this time but here I am, with an ear to ear grin, taking my chances.