More To The Story

I've heard people say that males cannot be victims of domestic abuse.

Let me tell you right now that is 100% complete bullshit.

Men are victims as often as women of domestic violence and domestic abuse.

Just because you can't see the signs doesn't mean it isn't happening. It means the victim is very good at hiding it or you're ignoring the signs because you don't want to know - because if you know you might feel like you have to speak up or stand up in support of that person. You might actually give a shit.

* * * * * * *

" 'Zuuki? Hey, Hello? Earth to Kim Mitzuki, are you there?" I came back from reminiscing about the past to BamBam with concern clouding his beautiful pale blue eyes.

"Huh? Yeah, Sorry, I... didn't mean to worry you. Just... thinking. Remembering, really. I think you need to know. Sit on the bed babe, 'cause this is gonna be fucking harder than I thought it'd be. It's gonna be hard for both of us BamBam, and I don't mean the good kind of hard," I snorted at my own joke before patting the bed next to me.

I closed my eyes and tried to steel myself for the ugly truths of my past I about to expose. I had more than 'just one regret' and more than 'one dark secret' to force through my lips about my disgraceful history with my ex-boyfriend. I hoped BamBam would still want to know me after I told the story, what would happen when the dam ceased to flow and the words stopped speaking - when there was only silence left between us.

I know if I ever want to have a relationship, or even think about a relationship, then I need to let my future partner know certain things. Terrible things that left me scarred and terrified of my own shadow at times.

'What things?' You might ask, 'It surely couldn't be that bad, could it? You must be over-reacting.'

My reasons are not as simple as I've made them out to be, not so 'cut and dried' as it were but if I ever want to have BamBam in my life as anything more than a casual friend, or he wants to be in mine on more than a platonic level, then BamBam has the right to know, well, everything. And everything means not just the not so good, but also the bad, the ugly and the fucking terrible as well.

Breathing in deeply I almost forget to exhale, I only remember when I feel the bed dip with his weight as he climbs up and settles himself next to me; a comforting arm lays over my shoulders and his hand picks up mine, helping ease the anxiety building in my chest.

Tighter I grip his hand, as if it is a lifeline that might still break or set me adrift, alone again in the volatile and stormy ocean of my emotions. I lean into the warmth his body provided, opening my eyes and looking at him, studying his beautiful features. If this is going to be the only time I have an opportunity to be this close to the guy who got away then I'd be damn sure to make the most of it.

"Are you ready?" I murmured hesitantly. I heard a hum in reply.

"Mhm. Take your time 'Zuuki. Don't hurry yourself, okay?" He squeezed my hand to let me know he was here for me, he would listen to what I would tell him.

"This isn't pretty but please don't hate me for this... Please? Like, I understand if you need to think about things after, but, I don't think I could handle you hating me. I-i couldn't." My voice thick with emotions I felt his hand squeeze mine in reassurance. The pinkette lifted my hand to his lips and gently kissed each knuckle, my palm and the back of my hand.

Taking another deep and steadying breath I began to tell my story.

"You saw my scars, well, you saw SOME of my scars. Unfortunately for me I have so many more than what you've seen, not all of them are visible but all of them are from the same person... people, I- " I choked on my saliva as the memories that were rising to the top of my mind came crashing in and overwhelmed me. Black spots swam in my eyes and I felt as though each breath pulled into my lungs was burning my airways. A strong arm pulled me towards his body, holding me firmly with my ear against a broad chest and the steady beat of his heart became the rhythm to which I calmed down.

Gradually regaining my composure I managed to continue speaking but it was as if the story I was reciting wasn't my own and the journey I told BamBam about was full of torment and horror, of fear and vicious beatings and a boyfriend filled with malicious intent instead of humanity. There is no ending yet to my story since my ex-boyfriend and his gang of thugs are still somewhere 'out there'. Maybe looking for me. Maybe not. I do not want to find out.

The voice telling my story is scarily void of emotions for the most part, hollow and detached. Parts of the story where my 'main character' (me) was subjected to worse things, the voice was dark and full of pain. It strangely echoes the violence, horrors and trauma I was subjected to constantly; again I feel the despair of my weaknesses, the desperation of trying to end things and the never-ending cycles of hatred towards myself and the perpetrator.

As the story progresses in it's complete telling I am reliving each memory; of fear and torment and pain, seeing myself again as 'that pastel haired boy' and watch while he is subjected to things nobody should ever have to endure - relive as he is traumatized to death, beyond and back again. While the story I was telling hadn't reached its conclusion, I heard heart wrenching sobs and felt the warmth of the tears on my chest where they fell. I didn't realize it was me.

I explained how the main character in my tale had left with unimaginable fears; terrors that hunt him nightly -often dragging him kicking and screaming back to his personal abyss of muddied nightmares where they drag him back to every deeply buried memory lies, where all the pastel haired boy's fears resurface. Crowding his mind, tormenting him and manifesting every terror in the forms of hallucinations of his worst nightmare - leaving the former pastel haired boy gasping for breath on the floor, unable to make sense of what is up or down and huddled into as small a corner as he can find.

It consumed many hours with the telling of my story and I took comfort in the warmth BamBam offered me; of his hand holding mine and of our shared heat as we sat side by side on my bed. There was a long silence after I'd finished speaking. The pinkette handed me another water bottle and poked my arm with a fresh box of tissues. I replied with a grateful albeit watery smile and sipped on the water, letting the coolness soothe my

The atmosphere in the room had become almost as suffocating as being stuck in an elevator with a woman who has on aggressive perfume, but is wearing so much you think she bathed or marinated in it (which is totally gross, by the way) instead of having lightly spritzing it on herself.

My eyes were red and irritated from the crying I'd been doing and I felt, well, I didn't really know how I should feel about everything. Empty? Hollow? Exhausted? I did feel some relief at finally having told someone who had known me from before I was with Izuka Yang, someone who had known who I was and could see how broken I had become.

I wrested enough control of my courage to lift my red-rimmed and raw chocolate orbs to look at the handsome male next to me, his ice blue eyes were full of many different emotions and some of the things he was thinking seemed to be written on his face but I didn't see pity. The pinkette looked as if he didn't know what to say or how to react. Honestly, I'd probably run away screaming if I heard the story I'd just told him.

"A-are you okay?" I asked him in a whisper, my voice was raw from speaking for so long. The pinkette shook his head from side to side, his mouth opened but nothing came out. He opened and closed his mouth a few more times before taking a long drink of water.

"It's okay, you can leave, if you want to. I won't hold it against you, how could I? I would leave if I was you too." Seeing the traitorous salty water fill my eyes but fail to flow over my rims BamBam shook his head again. This time he tried clearing his throat before he spoke and the four unexpected words fell from his lips that stilled my body, my voice and my heart.

"I love you 'Zuuki."

* * * * * * *

BamBam's P.O.V.

"Y-you. Huh?" Kim Mitzuki's eyes widened as he stuttered. Twisting to face the strongest person I know, I placed my hands either side of his face making sure I had his full attention. I gave him a moment to observe and know my intentions as I kissed both his cheeks softly before also pressing a gentle kiss to his dry, chapped lips.

"I love you Kim Mitzuki. With everything I have. I can't imagine how hard your life was after I left and I am truly sorry I left you alone. I want to be a part of your life and I promise that if you let me, I won't ever leave you alone like that again." I stared into the prettiest brown eyes I've seen, trying to convey my honest affection and admiration for everything he had survived.

"Why?" The question was out of his mouth before he realized he was going to ask it, judging the look of shock on his face when he registered that he'd spoken. I snorted with humour,

"Why what?" I asked, prompting him to elaborate,

"Why? Why do you love me? Why do you want to be near me? I'm broken. I'm damaged goods and I'm unlovable and--" I cut him off by putting my fingers to his lips.

"Why do I love you? Because you are strong and brave. I don't know how you survived everything you went through but I'm happy as fuck you did. My heart felt like it was shattering into a thousand, no, a million pieces every time you told me about something that you went through and I don't want you to ever, EVER suffer like that again. You are stronger than you know and you are still trying to make sure others have a smile on their face even though you are hurting inside," I paused to breathe and have a mouthful of water, the look on his face was incredulous and doubting.

"I want to be the man to put a smile on your face, to kiss you good morning when we wake up and to kiss you goodnight before we go to sleep. I want to be the one you lean on when you're worried or stressed and I want to be the man you can rely on when shit hits the fan. I want to be able to show you every day how much I love you and admire you and to prove that I will never, ever treat you like He did. Mitzuki, you are the strongest and bravest person I've ever known and the only thing I've done in my life that I've never regretted is falling in love with you. You are the best thing I've known my whole life."

I tried my best to express to him everything he meant to me and how much I admired him for being able to survive and escape. I don't know if I succeeded in expressing my feelings properly and I felt like an idiot when he didn't respond, but the beautiful male with the sweet chocolate orbs staring at me was making my heart beat a hundred times quicker. He looked at me in surprise then with clarity and revelation he spoke in a tear choked voice,

"You do love me."