Letter 4: Foliage

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Dear Aki,

As I decided to continue my story through this letter. I guess this is the last letter I would be making and you'll know why after you read this letter.

So for a recap, when we got stuck in the middle of our travel, I called your mom and yes she did scold me (but since I really love your mom, that was nothing, I scolded her a few times too anyway. We were best friends afterall).

If you remember, she told us that they can't travel tonight because until tomorrow afternoon because of work. That's why we decided to stay the night in the car. Good thing we bought food on the way or else we would have starved that night (not like we will die but...).

When the sun settled, the surrounding has become chilly. It was autumn afterall. But we didn't mind that. When we laid on the top of your car and stared at the starry sky with the moon so bright, everything just settled and we both started laughing out of nowhere. Then we talked about what we did the whole day and laughing at our stupidity was one of the best laughs I ever had. We started talking a lot about how you are now an adult and that you have to be more responsible and laugh at myself cuz I wasn't a good example. It was a great night.

I have a photo of that night and I pasted that again. It was not a picture of our faces, but it was a picture of our hands reaching out to the moon. It was not a harvest moon, nor was it any full moon. But to me, the moon that night was the prettiest.

Hehehe. The next day, we left the car on the side of the road and walked towards the nearby village to get some food. It DAMN looked so near but when we were walking, it feels like it goes further and further. That's why when a hayride came by, we asked if he could take us with him. It was my first time riding a hayride, and it was fun because we were sitting on top of the stack of hay he was carrying to the village. It was very windy, but it was not that chilly.

When we arrived to the village, we went straight to a nearby resto bar. They served delicious vegetables fresh from their farmlands. You may have matured a bit. But you were still cute when you ate that time. and I bet you still eat the same way today when your food looks yummy. You would always stuff your mouth full and chew big. Ever since you were young, you'd do this even when we eat out. You told me that it takes more time for you to swallow the food when you stuff your mouth which gives you more time savoring the taste. And that totally makes sense if I were to think of it. You look like that anime character your sister loves to watch. If I remember, she loves watching Yaoi. I don't even really know what genre was that until I found some books on her room... but!!! Nevermind about that.

After eating, we went to look if they had gasoline for the car, unfortunately they were not for sale as they were used for the hayrides. That's why we just decided to roam around a bit as we hit a very peaceful park... and the road was filled with foliage. I was mesmerized by the color of the park. It wasn't just filled with dried leaves, the color was, to me, immaculate.

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I was really astonished until YOU. Yes! YOU! Decided to put dried leaves on my head and I felt some dirt went inside my clothes. But I wasn't mad, because your laugh to me was everything. I was chasing you around and the leaves were flying everywhere, it was as if we were chasing each other on the beach.

If people saw us that day, they would probably be saying "What is a 38-year-old man doing with a 18-year-old kid running around like they're both kids". But that was out of my mind. Because at that time, all there was in my mind was you and your laugh.

As we were chasing each other, despite me being 38! I am fast you know, so when I was able to catch you, we both slipped because of the leaves but thankfully we landed on a thick foliage. Leaves were on our head, our body... there was leaves everywhere. But I would say that your eyes, despite being the same color as the leaves... they still stood out for me. I got so mesmerized by your eyes... until you started laughing of course. AND it was contagious, I started laughing too.

But my eyes never looked away as I was still looking at your eyes and even up until this day... I still remember that feeling I had on that very day. I pasted another photo of us while lying down on the ground with your eyes perfectly vibing with the color of the leaves. The leaves just couldn't ever contest with your eyes. They were the prettiest color in my mind. I made several painting with the same scheme, but your eyes remain the prettiest.

This photo is very special to me because this photo was the start of everything I am about to tell you. We did this every year on the same day, and we chased each other every time we go there. And take different photos. Each of them getting special every year.

Maybe to you, they were the same every year. But to me... every time was becoming more special because every time... my love for you just grows and grows. Like wild fire, it goes so fast and it's hard to extinguish.

This is the reason why I'm writing this letter for you. Because I guess I have to give myself a chance to tell you how I felt for the past 12 years. Because despite me having those firm feelings. To me, it was wrong. Because you were like my child. I took care of you since you were born. I was your father, your brother and your best friend... and catching feelings was the last thing I ever desired. That's why I never told you about it.

I was glad when I heard you were about to get married, because I thought I would be able to be at peace. But it became worse. I'm already 50 years old. Yet I can't control my feelings.

I'm giving my self this chance through this letter to tell you How important you are to me. How I wish I could see you once again, hug you and my wishful thinking that you would kiss me.

I don't know how much more time I have and I feel like I wouldn't be able to rest properly if I wouldn't be able to tell you about this but I still don't know how you are going to react to this, but it's better for me than not doing anything at all...

My Dear Autumn, I Love You.

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